It's impossible to fit my mind onto paper There are so many different aspects of it I don't even know where to begin Not living in the real world is a surefire way Of getting eternally confused I use this beautiful girl as an escape pod The one I can channel my mind to When everything just gets too tough And too damn mixed-up But sometimes, I'm stuck here Stuck in this state of insanity Begging to be let out But knowing that only myself can do that If only I am myself when it happens A feeling burns through my whole body Like a raging brushfire spreading everywhere I myself become engulfed in the flames But it's okay because I know it's not really me It's someone else The one who lives in my brain Tells me to do bad things to myself And all I can do is listen and follow For I cannot stand up to her She's much stronger than me I'm not crazy Just weak and afraid I don't know who she is Or whenever she will come All I know is that I'm not ready To take the blame for just being obediant To her
8/30/00
