lost but found.....im still tryin to decide
Mood:  chillin'
So everyone i work w/ is a coce head.. what can i do.. all i know now is to stay away from that place when i am not working.. so nick had a crush on me(or so they say) adn he gave me the rejection speech for no apparent reason... whatever.. he's not that cute..adn plus he reminds me of jamie.. so no more frat boys... umm other than that daily i am told that i need a boyfriend adn i agree but its not that easy to find a guy.. all i am lookin for is an equal..and i dont see any in my future any time soon. i know what im lookin for but i know i have to wait.. so until then i have to be good adn get my shit done for school.. how shitty?!!! oh well.. you cant have you cake adn eat it too.. only on rare occasions...

Jeffrey's Girl
Topic: Crazy News Everyone
ahh.. work is so awesome.. but so much work, so far i can def pour a great beer adn make simple ass drinks.. but once i get a little more experience w/ shots it will be all good.. i have only made like two shoots so far.. but i like this job bc if i want to drink i can adn its so laid back.. none of the bullshit that i dealt w/ at copelands.. Me adn Monica are gonna be takin over Jeffries.. bc we are gonna really be the only two weekend bartenders.. so everyone come and visit.

Hmm....
Mood:  spacey
Topic: Wondering
Im so lost right now.. hopefully i can get that job..i have to call them today to set up another interview.. i hate Copelands.. im so done w/ it.. adn now megan left. Im so tired i just want to sleep the rest of the day bc its perfect weather to do so.. its nice and rainy. but i have to work like a cool kid..

Blah Blah ...BLAH
Mood:  incredulous
Topic: Hung the fuck over..:)-
ehh.. so i dont feel so hot today.. too many Bacardi shots at Jefferies.. adn i got an offer to bartend? whats up w/ that.. so im goin to check it out w/ Mo.. oh yea.. and i hooked up w/ Jose.. OHMIGAA.. what a great kisser.. he's so much fun to make out w/ .. he's puerto rican too.. another sterotype guy for me.. lets see.. 1) marine 2) president of frat 3) Chef/ nympho/ piercing 4) navy boi/first kiss..and possibly numero cinco.. a latin lova.. ahaha.. ok well im outtie bc monicas gonna be at my casa in 2.2 so i have to clean up my messy ass room.. like usual..

Questioning the motives
Mood:  hug me
Topic: My Baby
IM not sure what he has in mind.. im so scared that he's just using me. i dont know if he wants us to be together or he just wants someone to wait for him while he's away in iraq. my dad told me that there are alot of guys in the military who are scared before they go off to war get married just so they have something to hold on to.. i hope thats not the case i cant stand to be someone's rebound again. Im so sick of being the girl that helps them get over their exs.. is there something wrong w/ me.. why cant i find someone who actually cares? i hate karma.. i just hope that this isnt his way of getting back at me for the last time....


scared and confused

Not as scared as i used to be
Mood:  amorous
Topic: My Baby
Have you ever noticed how the one thing that scares you is the one thing you need.. or the thing your running from is what your running toward?.. well thats how i feel at the moment.. im not sure how we will end up but im up for the ride.. finally after 7 years. Ive falling for him and im scared but im not.. i actually trust him even though i did a covert operation which made me not trust him for like 2.2... but he's coming to vist tonite,... so my baby will be in my bed.. i cant wait..

wish me luck and hopefully it will all work out

The First Day of the Rest of my Life
Mood:  vegas lucky
Now Playing: Sorry guys.. its a girl story
Topic: My Baby
Okay for the past 7 years.. there has alwys been one guy who my mind has wondered off to thinking about.. no matter who i was dating at the time.. or whenever a relationship wasnt going so well or had ended there has always been this one person who held all my thoughts.. and that would be Jay. About 2 weeks ago or so i emailed him but on his aol account from high school.. so i really didnt think he would get it for along time.. i really emailed him to see if he was really gonna get married .. but it turns out on wednesday i was sitting in class, and i heard my phone go off so i put it on vibrate and it keeps goin off.. so i looked at the number and it was a weird area code.. it could only be one person.. jay.. so i called him adn he wanted to come and visit for the weekend..

so now he's staying w/ me until sunday adn he's gonna be coming to thanksgiving and spending christmas w/ us..

now for the big news.. basically we talked about being together and me waiting for him bc he has one more tour in Iraq next feb. for 5 months.. then he goes off for Buggs? its bootcamp for the navy SEALs... BAD ASS.. so basically we are gettin married.. in 2 yrs like ive planned all along..

its so crazy.. he's dad loves my family.. my family loves his adn they are in love w/ the idea of us getting married.. he's luthern.. we used to go to the same church.. its crazy..

adn the funny thing is .. is that he wants to reenlist which im cool w/ ... but i told hime that if he makes the seals.. he's going to..but no matter what he pretty much is.. but we talked about living all around the world.. so before we have kids we are gonna live in Germany, Spain, Italy, adn france(but only if the base is on the meditteranean) adn my goal is to be the hott military wife.. adn then when we are ready to have kids we will settle in cali.. or texas


so yea.. im amped about the fact that i finally have someone in my life who wants a serious commitment adn the fact that we are comfortable as hell around each other.. adn i really actaully care for him..

i reallly cant see myself spending my life w/o him.. thats one thing i always new.. i had to keep him in my life

Drama in NAS.... Nasty Ass Symrna
Mood:  incredulous
Topic: stupid people
So last night was wierd.. we chilled w/ Bran Flakes, Patrick and Veach.. what a bunch of fags adn then we smoked the worst shit i have EVER smoked in my life.. so i went from being completely straight to tired as hell in 3 hrs after smoking 4 blunts. does anyone see something wrong here? you should.. i should have been retarded!!!! anyone who has smoked w/ me knows it takes like 2 hits off the good shit for me to become retarded.. in theory, (if it had been dank) i should have been retarded off my ass to the point where i would have trusted drunkass megan to drive my car home on 285 and 400... so yea... have you ever noticed people who always have good weed just say lets smoke, and nothing more.. and the people w/ crappy weed are the ones who make it seem like they found some type of rare cannibus which they happen to cross breed.. adn are now just gettin some good buds off of it? so yea.. i hate stupid people.. lol.. (sorry me venting)

other than that last night was cool..instead of goin to the haunted house like we were supposed to we ended up at the Hooters off Jimmy Carter Blvd. Can we say GHETTO? so i basically spent my thursday in the ghetto all night.. it was scary.. you know your not in a good area when the cop is staring you down and watching your every move even though you have not done a single thing to get there attention.

Crazyness in the ALP
Mood:  celebratory
Topic: Crazy News Everyone
OHMIGOD.. on sunday MTV will be coming to my house.. my sis is gonna be on room raiders so everyone back in jersey watch out bc youll get to see what Alpharetta is like..

other than that.. im bored as shit bc class was only like 5 min bc of my professor, so now i have nothing to do..

Frustrated
Mood:  on fire
Topic: Wondering
Its been almost 2 yrs since the whole billy incident and for some god awful reason i still cant get that boy off my mind. I dont know if it has to do w/ the fact that i fell in love w/ him in an altered state of conciousness or if there was really something there? Or did it have to do w/ me losing it to him? I cant stand how i will have these random billy episodes. They just come out of nowhere.. he's everything ive ever dreamed of yet it seems as though he's too good for me. I think that the huge factor in this one was the fact that every girl has a fantasy fairy tale that deep in there heart they have locked away and wish that someday it will come true. While many do not ever come true, there are a few that do and that forever changes the girl. After experiencing something that strong that everyone just brushes off as something that only happens in fairy tales, how is that girl supposed to go on living. Im so sick of talking about the bastard but what is a girl to do when someone owns her heart and she cant get it back nor does she know if she will ever love again. Since the last time i saw him ive been in two relationships.. one w/ a well to do fraturnity guy who the the president and will be goin off to law school next fall, adn the other a guy who i worked w/ that i always thought was cute but never thought we would actually date. I would classify the first to be the perfect boyfriend to have at Georgia Southern..and the other was my purely sexual relationship. In my relationships i always think that i love htem but once i tell them .. its like i never had feelings for them and i just stop likeing/caring about them. Im so lost, i just feel like my life is not normal in the least bit, like i never had the normal high school experiences like everyone and i waited so long to have sex i basically became a hypocrit bc i just ended up having ,what one may consider, sex w/ a random person. My life never turns out the way i want it to.. so i wouldnt be surprised if i just end up all alone w/ my pitbull and teacup yorkie. The only thing i know is that i am able to posses any of the material items that i truely desire.(which sucks)

Obnoxious People
Mood:  down
Topic: stupid people
I really hate people who think that the world revolves around them, and then everyone around them caters to it.. when will it be her turn to get a taste of how much the world really sucks. Im so sick of my life.. when ever it seems like im finally making progress in my life, im wrong and now im back at square one where i was 2 yrs ago at Georgia Soutern.. im so sick of people treating me like shit.. maybe i should become a servant bc it seems like im just everyone's slave/bitch.. however you see it.. adn its not like im supposed to ever have a life of my own.. I just envy people who can live there lives adn do what they want. I feel like there are these barriers on my life.. parents, past relationships, friends.. and no matter what i do i can not escape them.. i wish i could just find some little window adn squeeze my big ass through it and somehow find another life where everyone leaves me alone so i can me miserage and alone and not have to deal w/ an ex who for some crazy reason what to be friends.? how is that possible after he ended the damn relationship so he could go adn live his life at the beach.. adn now when he get his shit straight and is basically ready to get married.. wants to be firends.. im sorry but i hold grudges esp for what he did to me, so why for one second would i want to keep someone in my life who lied to my face twice..just so he could get a piece of ass?>.. if anyone could give me an answer better than he just wants to be firends.. that sounds honest.. i would greatly appreciate it..

sorry im just venting about this morning.. adn the email i got from my ex.. and what his best friend said to me at the bar on why the ex wants to talk to me.

EHHH... not very much time left
Mood:  rushed
Topic: School
Ehh.. i have to drop my calc class and chem lab.. but i only have a few more days.. adn im being lazy about gettin on it. i just hope my dad doesnt find out bc then ill be fucked.

YANKEES RULE!!!
Mood:  flirty
Topic: Wishful thinking
Im so lost.. as usual.. i think its this time of year. For some reason i can not concentrate, is it pathetic to say that i actually need a boyfriend to keep my mind straight so that i can make good grades, or is it that i need to have sex.. Does sex really affect my concentration and interest in learning so significantly that i had to drop calculus and now im worried about chemistry. i dont need calc but i need chem. I wish life were just a bit more easy, i wish it would just throw me a bone.. either give me a boyfiend or cure my horniness.. lol..i was doing so well w/ it all until the ex came back ...and it not hard to figure out what happened.. i never loved him but i could never say no to him, how fucked up is that. Maybe with him i just knew i could do what ever adn i would never be rejected. Oh well i really have given up on dating its been 7 months going on 8.. adn i have not gone on any dates or met anyone. Atlanta is seriously a horrible place to meet people.. i also think my hair and weigh has to do w/ it.. im not fat but im not a coc head.. and i have dark brown hair.

oh well there is some sort of map for my life adn i will not know what it says till i die.. adn if all of my dreams are not on that map i will just have to deal..

I HATE stupid people
Mood:  crushed out
Topic: stupid people
Ok.. so this weekend was cool. The parents were gone adn we went to a party friday night, which was busted by the fulton co. police.. all the kids were from Cobb (TOTAL FAGS). And for Saturday since i got sent home from work for not having my "tools of the trade" i hung out w/ Monica for the first time in absolutely forever.. she ended up spending the night at my house and we got into sooo much trouble..we visited Andrew at work adn then met up w/ Ryan adn some of his friends at Taco Mac adn after there we went to Locos adn met back up w/ Andrew and his freidns.. HIs friend Christian in cute but he's too young and he's all about Megan.. But i have to stay cool w/ Christian bc we are stayin at his parents beach house for SB.. its a bad ass house.. so i definitely have to go..LOL..

I never thought that i would be taking my "NO DATING" policy so seriously... I have not met anyone that i would really date.. i attempt to date Cobb trash, but luckily it didnt go far, but other than that i am very sexually frustated, and it seems like im goin to be like for a very long time..LOL.. so now time to go to the Love Shack...hahaha