© Copyright 2005 by CK Allen

She could be anything under the lights.

Violent splashes of color erupted around her. Mystery and darkness expressed itself in blues that quickly changed demeanors.

It was there that he first saw Jana- crossing in and out of the patches of light onstage at East Lake High, intent on the play of color on her skin.

His eyes took in the slim build of the woman with her long blonde hair, and loose flowing skirt.

He finally cleared his throat as he did not intend to startle her.

“Ahem,” he coughed into his hand.

Despite his effort, she turned to him in surprise.

“I’m sorry… I mean- Well, I didn’t know…” She rolled her eyes in exasperation and extended one slim hand to the slim, blonde man.

“I’m Jana Elfry. I teach history and choir. You must be the new drama coach. Principal Anderson said to expect you sometime this morning.”

He smiled at her. “John Matthews. It’s a pleasure to meet you Ms. Elfry. I am indeed the new drama instructor.”

His deep bass voice echoed in the auditorium’s acoustic atmosphere. Disconcertingly, it also resonated within her self.

“Yes… Well, we need one desperately. This town loves their drama- second only to football at this time of year,” she said with a smile and not entirely without a shred of doublespeak.

There was a pregnant pause as they looked at each other.

“I guess I’d better get going. If you need anything, my office is in the choir room, right down the hall. I’m sure I will see you soon, Mr. Matthews.”

“It’s John…please,” he replied.

With a pleased blush, she nodded her assent. “Only if you’ll return the favor,” she replied as she turned to exit the theater.

‘That man ought to teach chemistry,’ she thought as she walked away, fanning her burning face.

***

They met briefly over the course of the next few weeks, but never had the time to do more than exchange pleasantries. Jana found her interest increasing in the tawny-haired teacher.

***

On an early October day, as was her wont, she decided to enjoy the intense beauty of the fall during her planning period. She found John sitting outside on a bench under the changing maples.

He looked to be grading papers, but easily pushed them aside and invited her to join him.

She hoped she appeared nonchalant and easy-going, because her heart was thudding like a bass drum.

“I’d ask you how long you’d been here, but there isn’t much to hide in this town,” she laughed nervously.

“Then I’ll ask you,” he replied, leaning forward in his seat. “What’s your story, Morning Glory?”

Jana’s mouth curved up at the flattery. What is the matter with me? I’m acting like a sixth grade girl!

“Born and raised. I’ve never lived more than twenty minutes from the hospital I was born in.”

She thought for a moment.

“I guess I’ve never really wanted to. Except for a brother, all my family is here. What about you? How’d you end up in East Lake?” she asked.

“My family is back in Denver. Three older sisters,” he added with a look of mirth. “And that’s how I ended up in the theater. Although, I lean toward the technical aspect,” he added. “Lights, sound, set building… I’m good with my hands and I have a flair for the dramatic. The theater is a natural fit for me I guess.”

His hands were deeply tanned but didn’t hide the scars and scratches that he had acquired over the years. She found those hands stirring, somehow.

“I enjoy technical theater as well,” she returned. “I’m fascinated with the light- the interchange with the darkness can add so much to a production.

“I agree,” said John. “When I was about fourteen, my high school drama teacher was beginning to focus the lights for a show. I stood in the wings of a pitch-black stage and I heard him say, jokingly, ‘Let there be light!’ And from the darkness came all these colors and my eyes adjusted… It was just a watershed moment for me, although then I had no idea,” he laughed.

“It sort of makes you think about creation,” Jana replied. “From the darkness came light; the sun and the moon. However it happened, it must have been magnificent,” Jana thought for a moment.

“I guess there’s a lot on light in the Bible, isn’t there… ‘And then there was light,’ Jesus being the light of the world,” her voice trailed off. Had she made him uncomfortable?

Then Jana straightened. She would not be ashamed of what she believed and who she believed in.

“You’re right,” John said, his eyes softening. “Being on a dark set with just one light is such a poignant illustration, isn’t it. That one light makes all the difference in the world.”

She leaned forward slightly, her hands clasped in her lap and her long blonde hair sweeping over her shoulder in a low slung ponytail.

“Would you like to go to the football game Friday night?”

She told herself it was only because he was new in town- it had nothing to do with his eyes, or his hands, or his voice or the fact that his acceptance of Christ lit her from within.

A shadow passed over his features, but quickly cleared from his eyes.

“I’d like that, I think.” He laid one hand over hers and a jolt of electricity passed between them.

He pulled back quickly.

“I’ll see you soon then,” he said as the bell rang signaling the end of the period.

I sure hope so, thought Jana, the confusion over that look overshadowed by the tingling sensation in her hand.

***

That Friday night, she waited by the concession stands and searched the entering crowds for his slim build and sandy hair.

She hadn’t seen much of him over the week, but they had both been busy; she with an approaching concert and he just with acclimating himself to his new environment. Tonight, she wore blue jeans and an East Lake High sweatshirt.

She saw him approach, and butterflies danced in her stomach.

“You look like you could be a student here,” he said with a smile. And it was true. Her long blonde hair was caught in a ponytail, and though she was in her early 30’s, she looked younger.

They walked into the bleachers and found a place with other members of the faculty- some of whom eyed them with interest.

Jana had never lacked for dates, but she could say with all honesty that she had too much experience with bad dates. And that distinction lent her a conservative reputation. Or, she thought, let’s be blunt. They all think I’m a bit prudish. Her chin rose a notch. And I could really care less.

The air was crisp and cool. Maple trees surrounded the school grounds, and the scarlet leaves put on a brilliant show under the field lights.

Jana and John laughed and cheered as their team pulled into halftime, fourteen points ahead of their opponents. Jana was surprised to find that she was genuinely having a fantastic time.

John was attentive and funny. He was good-looking and competent. He was also a perfect gentleman.

He turned to her and held out a hand.

“Shall we go get a hotdog?” he asked.

Jana took his hand, and nodded her assent.

As they made their way down to the concession stand, students yelled their greetings. The crowd was raucous and rowdy in their early celebration.

It was in the midst of this craze that a petite brunette stranger shoved her way among the throngs of people. She was breathtakingly beautiful. She clearly had her eyes on John, and forcefully made her way against the tide of people.

John’s eyes fell on the woman and Jana instantly felt his hand tighten on her own. She looked up to him with a question in her eyes.

“Kate…What are you doing here?” he asked never letting go of Jana’s hand, a fact that didn’t go unnoticed by the woman.

“John,” she said reaching out to him. “We have to talk. You need to talk to me. Now.” Her voice bordered on the hysterical.

“Kate, don’t you dare make a scene here,” he said forcefully under his breath. People had begun to stare and Jana felt her cheeks redden.

John turned to Jana and pulled her aside taking both of her hands in his. He spoke quietly, his words meant only for her.

“Please wait for me. I only need a minute and I definitely don’t want the night to end yet.” His warm eyes pleaded for patience.

“Of course,” and she nodded at Kate, not knowing what else to do.

John led Kate back out the front gates and Jana saw him gesturing in what seemed to be frustration. Kate had begun to sob and her words carried.

“But you didn’t MEAN it! I know you didn’t. Please John… You don’t want this to be over any more than I do…”

Kate put her hands on John’s chest, pulling at his shirt and trying to draw him into herself. Jana couldn’t hear his replies to the increasingly distraught woman.

He gently but firmly removed her hands and angled her towards the parking lot. All the while, Jana tried not to stare, but along with everyone else at the concessions, the woman’s sobs had drawn her interest.

“No, John, No. You will NOT leave me. I won’t have it,” she cried.

A security guard edged his way through the crowd and brushed by Jana. She watched him approach the sobbing woman but she only heard the murmur of his voice, and not his words as he led her back towards the parking lot and presumably her car. The guard looked up at John as if for confirmation. He gave a nod to the officer and turned to the gates.

Jana approached him tentatively, feeling the stares of the crowd on her back.

“Uh, Jana… I don’t feel much like football at the moment. I am really sorry. But I’ll call you okay?” His hand rubbed his brow and he looked downward.

“Sure, yeah. That’d be great,” she replied with a half-hearted smile.

After she watched him walk away, she went to her car as well. She folded her hands over the steering wheel and prayed, “Dear God, What is going on? Who WAS that woman? I’ve prayed for so long for the right man- a Godly man, a man after your own heart. I know I didn’t know him well, but he was the first guy in eons to seem so right. So why did things go so wrong?”

***

Jana went home later that night, collapsed in the overstuffed floral chintz armchair that sat in a corner of her bedroom and turned to her favorite passage in Jeremiah.

“For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”

She closed her eyes to the feminine, floral bedroom that she had created as her own personal hideaway. For years, she had turned away from the wrong men. She had told herself that it was better to wait for the right man, the man that God had intended for her.

She had diligently tried to honor Him- had kept herself pure even in the day and age where it seemed physical intimacy was as assured as a handshake.

Most of the time, she was content with her life. She had a wonderful family, nice coworkers, and a few close friends that she occasionally spent time with.

She enjoyed her career, and felt that she made a small difference in the lives of her students. But in her heart of hearts, she longed for a friend and a companion, and yes, she intensely longed for a lover to share her bed, a helpmate with whom she could share in the joys and sorrows of life.

For the thousandth time, she prayed for the Lord to bring the right man into her life, if only He willed it to be so. But oh! How she longed that the Lord might will that very thing.

She knew that the right man would be perfect- the Lord’s perfect man in His own perfect timing. Surely the Lord would bless her for her patience and obedience, wouldn’t he?

Jana sighed and got up to get ready for bed. She fought the melancholy that came with a conviction that she had to bring her desires into submission yet again.

And then the phone rang.

“Hello?”

“Jana, it’s John. I need to talk with you, tonight if you can. Is there somewhere we could meet?”

She fought the uninvited thrill, and they agreed to meet him at the small coffee shop on Main.

She entered the Nocha Café and viewed its cozy interior- the thick green rugs scattered over the dark gleaming hardwood floor, the pairs of cushy, wine-red velvet chairs set across the room, and the sets of tables and chairs near the glass case that housed napoleons, a chocolate-coffee layer cake, and slices of marbled cheesecake. Faux gas-lamps kept the ambiance dark and secretive.

She ordered an almond-hot chocolate with mounds of fluffy whipped cream and a napoleon and went to sit in one of the chairs by the window. She saw John coming in under the striped awning, and realized she had no clue what it was he wanted.

John entered and sat down across from her. He looked into her eyes.

“Jana, I need to apologize. I am so sorry. I…I’m sorry for running away like that,” his voice faded away.

She looked at him, the questions unspoken but apparent.

“Kate was my fiancé,” he began quietly. “I broke it off with her three months ago. I want you to know that upfront,” he said looking right into her eyes.

“I appreciate that John,” she said in what she hoped was an encouraging tone. Although she wasn’t ready to admit it, she desperately wanted to know what had happened tonight.

“Kate and I… well, we were right for each other at first, or at least I thought so then. She grew up with my little brother. I knew her for years. Her family attended the same church we did. It seemed to make sense.

Then she began to get a little more controlling- wanted to know where I’d been all day, every day. Why didn’t I answer the phone? Who was I with? It got a little scary, but by then…”

John’s eyes dropped and his hands rubbed together, as if needing something to do.

He met her eyes.

“But by then, Jana, Kate and I were sleeping together. And after we crossed that line, it was very difficult to undo it.”

Jana didn’t say anything, but she knew the color had dropped out of her face. This wasn’t the perfect man. The perfect man would meet her in innocence, would have made the same decisions with his body that she had. He would have saved himself.

“I want to be honest with you. I’ve never felt this way before. And I don’t want any secrets. I just… Well, I have no excuses. It was a mistake,” he said and reached to take her hand. But she pulled away from him.

“Jana, God has forgiven me. You cannot possibly know the remorse I suffered. The guilt, and the self-hatred. But the Bible says that there is now no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. And I belong to Him.

That’s why it was an insult to what Christ did, dying for me even though I never deserved it- though He knew what I was capable of… it was an insult to keep condemning myself.”

But I obviously share in part of Kate’s torment. We both made that mistake, and after tonight, I hope she sees that.”

Sin just leads us down paths we’d never intentionally choose to go,” He looked down and then met her eyes again.

“This process helped me to understand that God gives us guidelines to save and protect us from ourselves.”

Jana, Kate’s gone. For good, I hope, but I can’t guarantee that. She’s refusing to let this go. But I want to try to work this out between us. You are so special. And, well, I think we could have something really amazing, if you could just give it a chance.”

Jana stood up.

“I appreciate what you said, John. And I am glad you explained. But I really need to think about this.”

“Jana, wait.”

John stood up and put those strong hands gently at her waist. He pulled her nearer to him and looked deeply into her eyes. Slowly, his hand crept up and brushed her silky hair back from her face.

Without meaning to, or exactly knowing how it happened, Jana’s lips met his in a kiss that was so gentle and demanded nothing.

Jana’s breath escaped her and her legs almost gave way. This man touched her in ways she never knew existed- ways that were both intimately frightening and deeply thrilling.

Her arms floated up around his neck and the kiss deepened. Only when one of the other café patrons murmured quietly did Jana realize what she was doing.

She was kissing this, this man in plain view of the entire town. With her cheeks flaming and unbidden tears rising in her eyes, she turned and rushed out into the night.

***

Oh Lord, she prayed, What did I do?! I practically threw myself at a man You couldn’t possibly have ever intended for me!

Her tears continued down her cheeks.

Am I so innocent? Am I THAT naïve? He’s probably slept with dozens of women… did he think I was going to be the next notch in the bedpost?

Jana sobbed out her embarrassment and frustration before a peace finally settled on her shoulders.

That quiet soft whisper came into her heart.

“There is no one righteous. Not even one, my daughter.”

But I SAVED myself Lord. Surely you mean for me to meet with someone who has done the same!

“For I know the plans I have for you, Jana, plans for good and not for evil. Plans to give you a future and a hope.”

As Jana thought about these messages, she realized that God thought her no more righteous than John. He would honor her obedience, but she was no better than any other sinner.

Her sin was pride- pride in her supposed strength. Pride in her obedience. Hadn’t the Lord himself led her like the Shepherd he was?

She realized that it was God who had given her dates that never tempted her. God was the One who had kept her from situations where she might have been every bit as likely to follow in those footsteps as any other person.

She was flawed. She was sinful.

Lord, I am so sorry. I am so sorry for my pride. Please forgive me, and if it be Your will, please give me the words to make things right with John. I’m sorry for putting you in a box- for expecting your blessings to come wrapped the way I thought they should be. Let Your light shine on my heart Lord.

***

The next day was Saturday, so Jana waited until mid-afternoon to call him.

“John, it’s Jana.”

“Hi,” his voice was soft.

“John, I’d like to see you again. But first, I owe you an apology.

I am sorry if I acted like some sanctimonious hypocrite last night. I…”

“Jana, you owe me nothing.”

“Please, let me finish. It’s hard for me to talk about the physical part of relationships. I know it’s a bit naïve. But I’m rather inexperienced.” She was so thankful for the blessed invention of the telephone so that he couldn’t see how she blushed to the roots of her hair.

She continued, “I believe you John. Your love for the Lord is amazing. And… and even if Kate makes these same decisions, God must have a plan for her too.

“I want to follow through on this. I like you, and I’d like to see what would happen if we walk together in the Lord.”

John waited a moment before he replied.

“Together… I really like the sound of that.”




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