© Copyright 2003
by Elizabeth Delayne
Part I in the Store of Love Trilogy!

Haley Peters paced the small stoop outside her friend’s apartment building. She stopped, put her hand to the buzzer and slowly took in a deep breath.

"Carmen, I’m sorry…but I...."

"I know your wedding is in two days, but I…."

Then she sighed, dropped her hand and turned away from the door.

“Going in or coming out?”

Haley jumped. Carmen stood on the top step, jingling her keys.

“Trying to decide,” she muttered. “You look … relaxed.”

She was confidence Haley could only wish for, sophisticated in a way that Haley could never see herself, and one of Haley’s best friends. They’d been pledge sisters in college, and when times had gotten tough enough that Haley dropped out her last semester, Carmen was one of the few who hung on.

“I guess I am. Jimmy called. He wanted to go for a late drive, grab a hamburger—like we did when we were in college. It was nice to see that getting married or not, we still feel the same together.”

“I’m a little worried about the or not.”

“We’re not married yet, are we?” Carmen laughed and slipped by Haley to open the front door of her apartment building with an aged key. “I should have said getting married or married. There’s no stopping this train now. Oh, and mom was bragging to Mrs. Davis about our engagement photos. I have a feeling she’ll be calling you next week. She has two grandchildren, twin boys.”

Haley’s finger twitched as if she were pushing the button on her camera, closing the shutter, taking the shot. It was in her blood, it was her passion.

“Not that I’ve ever minded you dropping by, but nothing’s wrong, is there?”

“No—everything’s fine.”

“And you’re lying,” Carmen smirked. “Come on up and you can tell me all about Jason and whatever he’s done now.”

They took the narrow stairs in the front hallway one in front of the other. Their steps echoed on the scarred wood floor. The building was old, refurbished in the early eighties. The tenants were mostly seniors.

If Haley could have worked around it, if she had turned and left before Carmen arrived … then Haley would have dealt with the problem on her own. She would have fretted, panicked, but she would have done her job. She just wasn’t sure she was capable of her best this time.

Carmen’s apartment was on the top floor. The paint in the hallway was peeling, the hardwood was scuffed, the outer window cracked.

Until now, Carmen’s apartment had been an oasis in the midst. She had plants and rugs and lamps, deep blues, reds and gold, that brightened the whole atmosphere.

But now when she opened the door, the hardwood was bare, the furniture gone, and a lone box sat in the emptiness of the living room.

“You’re really staying here?”

“It’s hard to leave—there’s a lot of good memories here. And with my brother and sister and half the family home for the wedding, there’s not a lot of room at their place. Mom and dad are moving my bed out after the wedding,” she dropped her purse and keys down beside the door. “I’d offer you a place to sit …” Carmen waved a hand across the empty room.

“It’s fine. I’m not planning to stay. I know you need your rest.”

Carmen leaned against the wall and casually crossed her arms. “And I can handle being up late. Haley, if something’s bothering you, just let it out.”

Haley took a deep breath and wrapped her hands around the straps of her denim overalls. “You remember that I apprenticed for Jane Lucas in college?”

Jane Lucas was a local celebrity who had photographed presidents, royalty and had just returned home from completing a book on world travel.

“Sure.”

“I called her and asked her to do your wedding.”

“But Haley—"

“She’s the best.”

“And she taught you to be as good as she is.”

Haley sighed. “I called in a few big favors I have done for her. You’re lucky she could do it. And for the same fee you’re giving me.”

“No, what I am is peeved at Jason,” Carmen said and pushed away from the wall. “Whatever I have a right to be mad at him—you’re my friend.”

“And it’s not completely his fault. I wasn’t ready to see him.”

“I’ve got eyes, Haley. He’s been on the offensive since he got into town. He’s been dumping a ton of negative stuff on you.”

“Carmen,” Haley said, “I’m not telling you this so you can be upset. It’s your wedding, after all. I just want to do the right thing.”

Carmen paced away and took a deep breath before turning around. “Haley, I didn’t ask you to be my photographer because you’re a photographer. You’re my friend and … Do you remember the night after our formal when we went down town to the courtyard and danced in the square? Jimmy and I had only been dating a few weeks.”

It had been a beautiful night, the courtyard lit by campus security lights. They’d been laughing and happy, dancing to impromptu singing. She’d been engrossed in the night, in her camera, capturing the moments around her until Jason tugged it out of her hands and swept her into a waltz.

She blinked against the memory and managed to mutter, “I remember.”

“You captured something that night in me and in Jimmy. When I looked at the pictures I knew that if it took him time to tell me he loved me, that he did and that I loved him. Ever since I saw those pictures, I wanted you to take my wedding photos. Don’t you see? You could have been one of my bridesmaids, but I needed you to take the photos more.”

“Carmen, I missed shots tonight. I couldn’t focus,” Haley murmured. It had just been a small gathering of people from their wedding parties: Jason, Jimmy’s best man, and a few of Carmen’s bridesmaids. But it had been hard, partly because of Jason and partly because it brought back memories from their last year in college, their last year together, the year her father died and her grandfather slipped through the final stages of Alzheimer’s.

“If I miss a shot, a moment at your wedding—"

“We’ll deal with it.”

“No—I’ll never forgive myself. And neither will your mother.”

Carmen sighed. “So you’re not going to be there at all?”

“I won’t miss the wedding. I wouldn’t dare. And I’m developing the black and whites myself.”

“And you’ll be there as I get ready that morning and for the wedding party shots—at least for me and Jimmy. Since we’re taking them before the wedding you can be there, just a quiet presence in the room when Jimmy sees me in my dress the first time. Promise me that, or I won’t forgive you.”

“I think I can do that.”

“Then maybe I can deal with the rest,” Carmen walked over and wrapped her arms around Haley. “Everything’s going to be okay.”

*****

The bachelorette party was a simple gathering at the matron of honor’s house where Carmen and Haley would be spending the night. It was a nice house, with hardwood floors and plush sofas. A fire danced in the fireplace. They sat around laughing, remembering, and eating chocolate.

Haley soothed herself with a slice of rich chocolate cake, slathered in icing—but only managed to push it around the plate. She laughed at the memories with everyone else. She took photos for herself and Carmen. She quietly grieved inside.

Jason was part of nearly every story about Jimmy. Remember when Jimmy and Jason…? Jason and Jimmy used to….

Haley wasn’t sure if she wept more for the memories with Jason, or knowing she would never experience those times again.

“Uh-uh, no way. No boys allowed.” She glanced toward the front door and realized Carmen’s soon to be sister-in-law had opened it.

“I need to see Haley.”

She recognized the voice, though she didn’t see the man behind. She froze. The plate slipped from her fingers.

“Sorry—" She looked back at Haley, careful to shield the door to keep Jason from seeing inside. “You’ll see her tomorrow.”

“Come on, Michelle.”

Haley realized she was staring at the door when Carmen gently touched her arm. “Haley, honey. It’s up to you, but I think you should see what he wants.”

She was wearing a simple tank and seersucker pants that were more for sleeping then having a late night talk on the front lawn. But the look in Carmen’s eyes reminded her that despite the past Jason was a good guy. When someone handed her a long-sleeve flannel shirt to combat the outdoor chill, she took it and pushed herself to her feet.

Jason stepped back from the front lights to stand in the shadows. She stepped out and shut the door behind her, then wrapped her arms across her chest, her fists balled in the oversized sleeve of the shirt.

“You’re afraid of me,” he muttered.

Haley looked at him, blinking back the tears in her eyes. He had not said a kind word to her since he’d come back into town. In fact, he hadn’t been kind the last few times they had been together. Not that she had been any better. They had fought constantly. Maybe she was silent, and full of ice, as he often claimed, but the words still hurt.

“Not afraid,” she said at last and walked past him, onto the cold grass that tickled her bare feet. She turned to face him again, lifting her chin, praying for confidence. “Maybe wary. I don’t want to fight with you anymore.”

“I didn’t come here to fight with you.” He reached forward, but dropped his hand before he touched her cheek. “But I didn’t come back really prepared to see you again. I told myself I was over you.”

“It was a long time ago,” she said at last, dropping her eyes.

“Two years, Haley. Not more than that. It’s just all running together. There were so many good times. What happened to us?”

Haley closed her eyes. “I don’t remember,” she said at last. “It was just one long, lonely semester.”

“You pushed me away—you pushed everyone away. I couldn’t reach you.”

“And you couldn’t be serious when I needed you to be,” she spat out bitterly, before turning away and looking into the dark.

“I was trying not to be serious. You didn’t seem ready for it.”

He stepped forward and wrapped his hands around her forearms, keeping her back to him. She closed her eyes and forced herself to stand still. If she didn’t, if she moved, she wasn’t sure if she would turn toward him or run away all over again.

“Aren’t you supposed to be out with the guys?”

“I was … and for the first time in days Jimmy and I had a chance to sit back and talk. I ended up talking about you … admitting that I had hurt you intentionally, even when you weren’t biting back. He told me you weren’t taking the photos in the morning. How it was important to Carmen and how I messed it up—"

“You didn’t … I was just too close.”

“Maybe, but I haven’t helped. That night you took the photos of Carmen and Jimmy in the courtyard at school. We were dancing. Remember? You were taking the pictures.”

“I remember.”

“So do I. Very clearly. You were dressed in this long, blue dress, your hair up so your neck showed … you were smiling. I remember that. You were laughing. You were taking pictures.”

He turned her slowly, as he had that night, and pried her arms open to draw her into his. “Jimmy was humming some crazy ballad that was popular at the time. There you were—there with me. I took your hand, like this …” He drew her hand out and slipped his other around her waist, “Remember?”

She did, all too clearly, but the words were stuck in her heart. She simply stared up at him, her vision blurred with tears.

“I realized that night that I was in love with you … I should have told you then, but it scared me.”

“Jason, don’t—” she said and jerked back. “Please don’t.”

He shook his head and held on. “It scared me, Haley. I wasn’t sure I was ready for it. By the time I realized I was, you were right in the middle of your world falling apart. I didn’t know how to hold on. I was afraid to at first … afraid I would loose you.”

He took a tentative step and drew her close as he moved again, the dance perfect and practiced. She looked into his eyes and saw the same tenderness that had captured her three years ago. She had not understood then that the love and laughter were tied together.

“Jason—"

When she started to cry, he drew her in and held on as her arms wrapped around him.

“I hated you,” she said at last, pressing her face into his shirt, “because you could laugh and joke and I thought I had forgotten how. I felt lost in the midst of the storm. You were my best friend, and I couldn’t take being with you.”

“I should have held on,” he repeated. “And I should have prayed. I had always known how to make you smile. I thought I needed to be the one to make you happy—when the only one that could, the only one that could reach you was God. I love you, Haley … and I want to try again, this time with God as our steadying post.”

“You’ve never talked like this before.”

“But you did.” He shrugged. “When I lost you, I needed something steady. There were times in college when I was jealous of the passion you put into your relationship with God. I wanted that all for myself. I wanted you. I was wrong. If we have a future together, Haley … then I want you to understand that this time I know who we both have to turn to.”

Haley closed her eyes and leaned into him. Could she tell him she had lost part of that passion in the last few years? Sometimes it was hard to pray. Sometimes, when she looked at her grandfather, lost in his own world, she didn’t want to pray. But as Jason’s arms came up around her, she lifted up a silent prayer. Then she looked back at the house and chuckled when she saw the group of girls, her friends, standing at the window watching. Carmen had Haley’s camera, and when Haley laughed again, Carmen held it up and took a picture.

Jason glanced at the window and chuckled, then tipped her chin up with a gentle finger. “Why don’t we make this worth the film and processing?” he asked and settled in for a gentle kiss.

HEY! and don't forget to e-mail me if you have a comment!







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