I'M JUST A SMART-ASS!

Just some funny, smart-assed stuff!

FAMOUS SLOGANS AND GRAFFITTI SEEN `ROUND THE WORLD

• Beauty is only a light switch away
• I've decided that to raise my grades I must lower my standards
• If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let's all get wasted together and have the time of our lives
• Remember, it's not, "How high are you?" , it's "Hi, how are you?"
• God made pot. Man made beer. Who do you trust?
• Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
• No matter how good he/she looks, some other girl/guy is sick and tired of putting up with his/her shit.
• To do is to be.
  - Descartes
  To be is to do.
  - Voltaire
  Do be do be do.
  - Frank Sinatra
• It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't even been anywhere.
• Make love, not war.
  Hell, do both; Get Married!
• If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress?
• Watchout for the gay limbo dancers!

CHILDREN'S BOOKS THAT DIDN'T QUITE MAKE IT

• You are Different and That's Bad
• The Boy Who Died From Eating His Vegetables
• Dad's New Wife Robert
• Fun Four-Letter Words to Know and Share
• Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do Book
• The Kid's Guide to Hitchhiking
• Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
• Curious George and the High Voltage Fence
• The Little Sissy Who Snitched
• Some Kittens Can Fly
• That's It, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption
• Grandpa Gets a Casket
• The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refridgerator
• The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
• Strangers Have the Best Candy
• You Were An Accident
• Things Rich Kids Have But You Never Will
• Pop Goes the Hamster...And Other Great Drinking Games

STUFF IN THE BUSINESS WORLD

• WANT AD:
  Secretary wants job; No bad habits; Willing to learn
• A ketchup company in Canada ran a series of advertisements that really rocked the country. The ad showed a man dining in a restaurant about to cut into a steak; the pretty waitress was serving a bottle of ketchup. The blazing headline on the ad read: "He gets it downtown - Why don't you give it to him at home?"

SMART-ASSED STUFF IN GENERAL

• "You're getting old when you don't care when your husband/wife goes, just so long that you don't have to go along."
• "A man is never in worse company than when he flies into a rage and is beside himself."
• "When are you going back to school, Tom?"
  "I'm not going back, `cause my teacher's gone crazy."
  "Gone crazy?"
  "Yes. One day she told us that four and one are five, and today she says that two and three make five."
• "Look here, private, this man beside you on this fatigue detail is doing twice the work you are."
  "I know, sarge. That's what I've been telling him for the last hour, but he won't slow down."
• The draftee was awakened roughly by his platoon sergeant, after the rokkie's first night in the army barracks.
  "It's four-thirty!" roared the sergeant.
  "Four-thirty!" gasped the recruit. "Man, you'd better get to bed. We've got a big day tomorrow!"
• An officer in the South Pacific who had been overseas sixteen months received a letter from his wife telling about a prayer their four-year-old daughter made: "Dear Lord, please send me a baby brother so we will have something to surprise Daddy with when he gets home."