The Far Burrough
Mid 13th Century
English Territory
The dragon lay smoldering on the cottage, it's eyes half lidded, it's breath full of steam. Arrows bristled from it's body, but none the worse for wear was the dragon, as his leathery scales bore the barbs of these darts, nay it was the one what got him in the throat that done it. The one in the throat brought him down.
The knights circled the dragon, wary of it's treachery. A dragon wasn't dead until it's head adorned a pike, and that was the truth! The decision had to be made, who would have the right of the kill, the glory of the day. Songs would be sung for sure of this hero if he could put an end to the terrible flying lizard. Stinky John was chosen, twas his arrow that brought down the beast, it would be right for him to have the victory and the glory.
What's that you say?...what kind of name is Stinky John for a knight of such renown? Oh, but the story books have learned you all wrong. Names like Sir Reginald, and Lancelot, these are fairy tale names. Nay in the real world of knights, the names were more associated with the man, not the glories of victories and battles. Names like Bloody Bob, a fierce and fine knight what got his name for his ineptitude with his own sword. Sitting firmly on it after a drunken party wound him up in nursemaids hands with his buttocks proudly displayed for sport. His body eventually healed but he carried the blade in front of him for ever on. And Stubby Francis, well his arrogance got the best of him when he decided he could juggle daggers at a pub one evening.....well he couldn't. Now Stinky John, ahh... his name is less sinister.....What got him his name was his laundry practices. He didn't have any. He didn't like watering down his garments, twas not lucky. So, he wore them till they fell apart. This did prove lucky as he didn't have to share quarters with anyone, but the fine ladies took a wide path around him as well. But....that's enough of that....where were we.
Stinky John was chosen, and the others briefed him on the ways of the dragon. "Don't let it talk to you", they said...."don't look into it's eyes!"....."Make small talk, don't listen, move in closely and slowly, when you get there slash him behind the left ear where it's tender, he'll bleed to death!". Now this talk was all fine and good coming from a bunch sitting on horses out of harms way. The real task was facing the dragon at all. Dragons aren't the creatures they make them out to be in books. They don't have jool encrusted under bellies or much in the way of looks. They are snakes with wings and legs, and they are vile to look upon and to smell. Of course Stinky John wasn't a noticing anything unusual in the smelly department, he had his own problems.
Stinky John left the group and moved towards the dragon....it still lay upon the cottage, it's body steaming and belching fumes. It's eyes were not fully shut, and John could see the pupils follow'n him about. It was aware of him, and that wasn't a happy thought. As he moved in closer he decided to make small talk, that is what all dragon slayers did, and he was going to be a dragon slayer, if he didn't wet his britches first.
"Hey dragon", John said, "lovely weather isn't it." (This is not your classic dragon taunting language, but it would be corrected in later verse to something more appropriate)
"Not particularly lovely", said the dragon. "But I've seen worse."
"Are you all right, your immenseness?", asked John.
"Never better, thanks for asking", sighed the dragon.
(Now knights all thought that dragons loved to be called immense and heroic and royal names, but they didn't, it just bothered the heck out of them. They preferred to be left alone unless you were calling on them for dinner, and you were the main course.)
"You look quite comfortable on your perch there", said John.
"Oh, quite comfortable indeed", said the dragon, "these dwellers should be complimented on their thatching skills, pity they didn't know I was coming. Their writhing was somewhat annoying at first, but not for too long."
"Well, I'm glad they weren't a bother for too long", said John.
"No, not for too long, but YOU have overstayed your welcome, why don't you toddle on home", growled the dragon.
John headed back to the group of knights as ordered, you see John had started listening to the dragon, which is a very bad idea. Dragons plant suggestions in your mind and you think that they are your own. Halfway back, John's mind cleared, and turning he stomped right up to the dragon's nose and said loudly, "That wasn't very funny", "I'm here as dragon slayer so keep your peace!".
The dragon sneered, raising one edge of his lip he let out a puff of flame that engulfed John in an inferno. Now that would have been the end of John but the dragon found him amusing, so it was just a little puff. Just enough to burn the hair off of his head and face, and singe the nose hairs way back deep in his nostrils. But, it seemed a lot to John so he went back to the knights for more advice, quickly.
The knights slapped John on the back and re-named him "John the Bald" for his brave encounter with the dragon. John wasn't really happy with this, he had always liked "Stinky John" the best. But, dragon slayers need brave titles, so John the Bald it was. But more importantly, he needed a better game plan. This dragon didn't seem all that injured.
After much discussion and debate over dragon lore, it was decided to send John back in with a crossbow. "Shoot him in the eye", they said, "that'll do it". "Or in the throat if you get the chance". "Just try to get him aggravated so he opens up", they all said......this seemed wise to John the Bald....especially since he could use the crossbow from a distance...this was very nice indeed.
The knights were still laughing loudly over the fate of "Crispy John" when they decided that they had to get back to the matter at hand. The dragon still presided over the cottage, and was now a nuisance. Something had to be done, and volunteers were in short supply.....this was a problem. Best to rest on it for the night, maybe the dragon would die before morning. The knights rode off some distance from the dragon and set up camp.
Dawn brought new promise with the arrival of the King's Guard. These were the older knights, more seasoned, and having heard of the felling of the beast they had come to take command of the carcass and drag it back to court. They surely knew how to take credit for deeds of the knights in the field, that's how they got to be the King's Guard.
The King's Guard quickly assessed the situation. One still living dragon, one crispy knight, and decided that they would report back to court to bring the King up to speed on the situation. But, not wanting to miss out on the final victory, they left a squire, Squire William , to act as a messenger runner to keep them abreast of developments. With that they were off.
The knights found themselves in the same predicament as the day before, and with no better ideas, they decided to make another attempt on the dragon. It could be that he had weakened in the night. After drawing lots, it was decided that Little Bob and George of Lightfoot would take on the dragon. The men were properly outfitted and briefed anew on the wiley ways of dragons, and off they went.
Approaching the dragon, warily, Little Bob could see that he seemed to be in fine spirits. If anything, he seemed to be better this morning than the last. Engaging the dragon in small talk, Little Bob learned that it had slept well, and that the cottage was as comfortable a bed as he had taken in many decades. It didn't seem like the dragon planned on leaving any time soon. Little Bob continued to talk as he and George of Lightfoot circled in closer. The dragon remained perfectly still, though it's eyes followed them closely.
"Stop", shouted the dragon. The two knights did as they were commanded, halting in front of the remains of Crispy John. "Look down and see the fate of a knight that bothers with me", hissed the winged serpent. The two knights did so, but all they could see of Crispy John were the soles of his boots. The rest of him was just a dark splotch on the earth, not a fitting end for a knight, but a common end for a would be dragon slayer.
The site of Crispy John's boot heals sobered the knights a bit, and thinking knightly thoughts, they raised their crossbows in unison, and fired at the face of the dragon foe. The bolts sped straight away towards the dragon as the dragon breathed a warm greeting. The bolts ignited in flight, the tips clattered off the scales of the dragon's neck. George of Lightfoot made good on his name and was back in camp with the rest of the knights before Little Bob knew what had happened. Standing alone in front of the dragon beast, all Little Bob could think to do was offer up an apology of sorts. The dragon was not amused, and in his commanding voice, directed Little Bob to move just a bit to the right, (which he did), and then toasted him on the spot.
Back in the knight's camp....way back...they were discussing how many more knights they were going to need to bring this rebel dragon down. They decided that it would probably take more knights than the kingdom had to offer, and more than once it was suggested that they pack it in and head for home. Squire William, just back from a trip to the spring, hoisting two water pails, listened to the knights discuss knightly affairs. Squire William had always dreamed of being a knight, and listening to these knights whine about a single dragon was something he didn't think was right knightly. Dropping one of the pails, Squire William marched off in the direction of the dragon. The knights watched in quiet amazement....each to themselves thinking what a fine lad William had been.
Squire William cautiously approached the dragon, who was no longer much open to the thought of company. "Stop", growled the dragon, but William continued on. He was not listening, rather thinking peaceful thoughts of home. The dragon was puzzled by the actions of this boy, and watched carefully as he approached. William, stopping a mere 6 foot in front of the dragon, set down the pail and then picking up the ladle, took a drink.
A long satisfying sip of the cool spring water. Then, looking towards the dragon, but avoiding it's eyes ....he said, "I thought you might be thirsty, and as you can now see, the water is quite safe. With that William turned and headed back to camp."....The dragon's gaze followed him....partially out of amusement....and partly out of amazement. Such a fine lad, thought the dragon, pity. The dragon leaned forward and warily peered in the pail. Water was all it was, cold water, and the dragon took of it and was glad to have it.
Back in the knight's camp William was soundly cuffed about the ears for helping the dragon out. "Nice going you idiot", yelled the knights, "We're trying to kill the beast you know, not make him more comfortable!" William's tolerance of the knights was quickly fading, but continuing on with his head held high he made for another trip to the spring.
On the second trip to the dragon, William carried two pails. Approaching as before, stopping a few feet in front of the dragon. He ceremoniously took a ladle of water from each pail and drank the water, then looking towards the dragon he said, "You have been so long here without water, I thought you could use a bit more". With that, William turned to go, but after a few paces, he turned back, and asked, "could I bring you some nourishment?", "A goat perhaps?". The dragon eyed him...wondering what the lad was about.....but before he could utter a sound the boy spoke. "I know dragon, that your intentions are to kill us all once you are healed, and I for one would right appreciate being on the winning team, if it's all the same to you". Now to a dragon, this made perfect sense. Deceptions, cleverness, these were the ways of dragons, and the boy's actions made sense when viewed in this manner. So the dragon nodded towards the boy, and said, "yes a goat or two would be splendid". With that William was off to camp.
Back in camp the knights were trying to decide who would kill the young Squire William and how to go about it. The lad was obviously sick in the head and should be put out of his misery for his own sake. Right now they felt he was more important a problem to be dealt with than any dragon, and a sight less risky. George of Lightfoot volunteered, seeing as he had had a close encounter with the fierce beast, he felt he had the right to draw first blood. All of the knights seemed willing to forget that the last the dragon had seen of George was his backside fading into the distance. But no matter, the pleasure was awarded to him.
Squire William marched confidently into camp, and picking up two more pails, asked if there were any goats about. He said matter of factly, that the dragon was hungry. George of Lightfoot leapt to his feet and did a jig. He was furious at the thought of feeding the blasted creature. Drawing his dagger, he leapt at William. William quickly stepped aside and double beaned George with the wooden water pails. George suddenly found an undignified and uncomfortable position on the ground where he remained for a good bit of time. "Now, about those goats", inquired William. Two of the knights hopped up and volunteered to go find them. Here was a lad that showed leadership qualities. Where he was heading no one knew, but at least he was going somewhere. William headed back down to the spring.
William returned to the camp with the pails of water, and sat down to have something to eat for himself. While he sat quietly chewing on cured meat, the knights looked at him....nodding their heads in a fashion of acceptance...as if to say, and....so what's your plan? William kept his thoughts to himself, enjoying his meal, and wondering how these men ever got up on horses all by themselves.
The two knights returned after a bit with 8 goats in tow. They seemed mighty pleased with themselves, you would have thought that they had slain the dragon while they were about it. Presenting the goats to William, they announced, "we thought the thing might be really hungry, so we brought more". William looked at them and suggested that they tether but two of the goats for his next visit to the dragon. Let the rest graze nearby, we'll need them later.
William rested a bit, one eye open as his earlier experience had taught him not to trust the knights. As the sun prepared to fall below the horizon William arose and directed the knights to butcher the two goats. "Gut them but don't skin them, leave them whole", he directed. The knights gladly did as asked, and then presented the two prepared goats to the lad. Then William ruined their evening by asking for two volunteers to carry the goats. "I'll bear the water as usual", he said.
Dragon visiting volunteers were in real short supply, but William shamed two of them into the task. "You'll only be needed for a short bit", he said. William reached down and picked up his two pails, and waiting, finally was rewarded when the two "volunteers" picked up the goats. Off they marched towards the dragon...and the knights felt.... to their certain doom.
The dragon stirred as the trio approached. This was new, he wasn't sure he liked it but he could smell the blood of the goats. This took a bit of the edge off of his fears, he was after all very hungry. William stopped again a few feet in front of the dragon, and instructed the knights to set down their burdens. This they did, and then they made a hasty retreat. The dragon watched with amusement as they dashed off, and said, "A cowardly lot, wouldn't you say?". "Probably so", said William, setting down his pails, "But good help is hard to find you know". The dragon nodded.
William took a sip from each of the pails and then moved off and sat down. The dragon watched curiously, and then said, "I like my goats still kicking".
William responded, "I can handle special requests if you like, but you have to give me advance warning, besides, if you want me to eat any of the meat, you have to take them my way." "Now enough of this idle talk, roast them and let's eat". The dragon turned on the goats and let loose a controlled fury. The smell of roasting meat was in the air as William said, "Not too well done, I like mine tender". The dragon turned towards William and growled, "My, you are sure of yourself, don't get so cocky or I'll fry you next". William stood up laughing and walked over to the goats. There he cut himself a piece of meat from each of the animals and then returned to his resting spot to eat. The dragon watched, and wondered.
William sat eating the goat's meat, smacking his lips and then got up and got himself another sip of water. He looked at the dragon and asked, "Well, aren't you having any?". The dragon sneered at him, he was beginning to not like William. "I'll eat a bit later", said the dragon, and then lay his head down. William finished his dinner and headed quietly back to camp.
The following morning William once again fetched two pails of water from the spring and took them to the dragon. He could see that the dragon had eaten during the evening, the aroma of cooked goat had gotten the best of him. The ritual was the same, a sip from each pail and then a quick farewell. As he was leaving, the dragon called out to him, "two more goats if you please".
That evening William returned with two more goats, borne on the backs of brave and knightly knights, and dined with the dragon. The dragon had softened a bit. William sat down to eat his food, and the dragon gulped down the goats whole. It was evident that the dragon was gaining his strength, and that his injuries would not keep him much longer. William made small talk, and the dragon listened. William was not a really good listener, he knew the risks of listening closely to the words of dragons, but he kept an ear open for things he wanted to hear.
Rising, William told the dragon that he would not be there in the morning, or the evening, but would come by at noon, they would eat and chat then. The dragon was not pleased at this, he was becoming accustomed to his morning watering, and liked the attention. He demanded that the lad bring him a dozen goats for lunch. "I'll bring you what I can", said William, and then he headed back to camp.
The following morning, William awakened the knights early. He directed a group of them to collect "Cowsbane", and another group to collect toadstools. The knights were willing to do as instructed since they were so relieved that none of the tasks were dragon related. Several hours later they returned with the items requested, and in great quantity. Two of the knights were then ordered to butcher the 4 remaining goats and save the stomaches.
With the goats butchering complete, William told the knights to pack the stomaches of the goats with the toadstools and "Cowsbane" and then return the stomaches to the carcasses of the goats. A little surprise for the dragon he said. The knights did this, but were already worrying about which of the 4 of them would be chosen as volunteers to carry the goats.
As the sun rose high in the sky, William selected 4 of the knights, they grudgingly picked up the goats. They were all used to taking orders from William by now, and not a one of them had thought of killing him for many hours. William picked up his pails, and said, 'let's be off then". And off they went to feed the dragon.
William approached the dragon and placed the pails in front of him. He prepared to take a sip from each as the knights threw the goats on the ground and ran like crazy back to camp. "Still having labor problems I see", said the dragon. "Always", said William, as he took a sip of spring water. The dragon reached forward and gulped down a goat, raw........"You know", said the dragon, "I think I'll kill you last". The dragon then reared his head and with it knocked William aside and drank the water from the pails. William sitting on his backside a few feet further away than was normal, said to the dragon, "But I thought we were pals, mates, friends, why this sudden turn?"... "Not hardly", said the dragon, "but you've done me a good turn so to kill you last is the least I could do....it's the most I'll do".....the dragon then gulped down another goat....and turning to William said, "Bring me more this evening, and don't let me hear any silly excuses"......."I am stronger now, my wounds nearly healed, bring this to me or I will come get IT and YOU myself!".
William picked himself up....and looking towards the dragon said that he would comply. The dragon grinned for the first time since his fall, and went back to his goats....but with one parting shot said, "make sure that you do".
That evening William did not return to the dragon's side...and this was probably best. Flames shot high into the sky from the dragon's position. All was not well with his health as the "Cowsbane" and toadstools took their toll. William had instructed the knights to disperse and take cover, but this wasn't necessary,the dragon never took to the air. Perhaps his health was not as far along as he had said, or perhaps the poisons had worked more quickly than William had hoped.
The following morning William awakened the knights once again. Today we all march on the dragon, he said. It is time. And off to the dragon site they went, though somewhat reluctantly.
William led the company right up to the nose of the dragon. It was as it had been found after falling. Quiet, but watchful. It's eyes heavy, it's breath still full of steam. The dragon slowly raised it's head and asked, "so, what do you have to say for yourself boy?". "I say that you are spent, and that you are near the end, and as a fine friend of yours I had to kill you first, it was the least I could do". The dragon managed a wicked grin, but couldn't muster the bellows for a fiery end to the lad and his company. Turning on his dragon's devil voice, the dragon suggested that the company come back later after he had rested a bit, but William said that he had other plans for the day.
Taking the sword of the nearest knight, William casually climbed up onto the leathery back of the sky serpent and plunged it into it's neck. There was no struggle, the creature was already half dead. The knights removed the head of the creature and under William's direction placed it on a sled behind his horse. This of course was not really to the liking of the other knights.....what would the court think to see a Squire bring in the prized head of a dragon, but none of them were willing to argue the point with William.
With all preparations completed, William and company headed for court.....
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