i'm glad I'm healthier, mentally anyways.. I've for the most part stopped drinking caffine.. I haven't had an energy drink, save for a red bull chaser for jagere shots for several weeks. The four agreements really helped me start treating myself better. I'm not remorseful on the break-up. the more time that passes the mroe I realize how much I stifled myself to fit into his life. while I'm not 100% ready to leap into another relationship, I am ready to start looking again.. trying to find someone that appreciates me for me. when I look around in my life, I realize i do have poeple-guys- that I know and could persue if I wanted to.. and it's not that I don't want to.. it just seems like something is holding me back from getting closer to anyone I already know. maybe that's why I find it so much easier to date total strangers who don't know my circle of friends.. when things go sour I don't have to see them ever again.. I don't have to explain to mutual friends why we're not together anymore. but consequently it seems like i can't find someone that loves me like my friends do... it's hard to find someone that'll love a girl that doesn't want to fuck. it's hard to be myself sometimes when I'm met with so much negativity. so for now I'm just being myself, by myself, and loving it.