oh I'm so full of poetry right now!

so yeah... it was kinda strange.. I was kinda having a fitful night of sleep and woke up around one.. while I was looking at the clock my phone begins to ring... it was my dear old friend Rusty.. who would belive that after five years the kid I played marco polo with in the dark after the 4-H dance would still be in my life... he he.. I can remember how I met him.. we were playing a warped game of telephone where you draw on the back of the person in front of you and so on and so on... it was a workshop about being left or right handed... he and I both lefties and were totally getting creative with the picture we were passing along.. it's then we started talking about how cool it was to be lefties... later that night we were spinning  in the grass on campus  laughing...

I have to wonder sometimes if I hadn't stolen his shirt if he would still be in my life ...

i don't want to get hurt again...

i want a guy that would love me in jeans and a t shirt.. and someone that would bring me a little bit of chocolate every now an then.. not like a huge heart shaped box but just a lttle truffle from my favorite chocolate shop or a hershey kiss... just something little to prove he listens...

I suppose I'm looking for a someone that's already out of my reach...

it's snowing... and her I am in my living room, listening to some mellow music and slowly getting this paper done for my class at two... Ya know it must sound like I'm on the computer all the time... but it's only because I'm always working on my classwork... part of being a write.. I have to write...

Stella, that's the cat, is cuddled  up to her scratching post, eyeing the shoelaces of my boots...

I got a Christmas tree up... it's very simple.. I like it..

It goes well with the tye dye tapisty.. same color in the paper chain..

I'm thinking about taking a nap in my pillow corner/hookah den... it's really looking inviting with all this snow and chill outside

Ireally don't want to to this paper.. it's going to be a total BSed affair just to get a C... And I need to study for this quiz ON THE LAST DAY OF CLASS.

I'm going to a party with all my ex coworkers tonight.. it should be fun.

Drinking. Smoking. Sleeping. I guess I don't really do much these days.. school and work are over.. but I need to get a new job..

I guess I'll go to Dominos until something better comes up.. I hate delivering. I bet Blackjack makes better money... I'll try there.

The song has ended... I'm feeling very somber.. vey lonely...

ah.. there you are... I really enjoy talking to Rustaroo... :) It really bummed me out that he and I don't talk that much anymore.. he's such a good... converser? Even after gee, how long had it been? months.. maybe even a year... and we get right into a great conversation like usual.. something about that kid.. just gets me a-talkin...

I hate that have to be no worries about evverything becuase no one gives a damn about me. If a dog fucking bites me and I go to my room to cry, no cares so I have to just no worries it away. No one worries about me. ever. My family is more involved with their fucking dog than they are with me, their daughter who's gone to college and actually doing something with my life! I doubt my brother will go to a university. I'm the first one of my cousins to go to college. But does that even matter to any of them? No! I'm busting my ass to stay afloat, working all the time, going to school, but if I need help from someone I don't get shit! my mother would rather buy a brand new tv or a fucking dog than help their daughter afford a new computer. They buy my brothers all kinds of nice things, video games, pets, guns, and it feels like a burdon every time I ask my mother to help me buy a new pair of jeans get my car fixed. They act like I"m made of money, but I'm barily making ends meet! My brother's dog just bit me. Really good, it's going to bruise and I already have teeth marks in my arm and all my mom did was yell at me because I was playing with the dog the exact way weto does. she didn't even check to see if I was ok. I'm not visiting them anymore.

with all of this computer crap I've been going through it's  pretty obvious that I haven't been on here to update ya'll lately... But nothing is new/. I'm hopelessly single, dispite my effort to flirt and go on dates. So I've decided to get back in the online dating scene.. because really, where else am I going to find someone? All the guys I know ar either in relationships or are decidedly not making a move with me. And my friends.. one of the guys I was for a while being led to think I had a chance with, tried to give a little lecture about how people one finds online never work out.... i've had it with him... he's kinda been a jerk lately...

god  wish I could just be happy about where I'm going to life...

I Wonder if gay guys ever get bored and have sword fights with their dicks...