"where's the kaboom? there was supposed to be an earth-shattering kaboom!" --marvin the martian

"what sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?" --ursula k. leguin

"i think my new thing will be to try to be a real happy guy. i'll just walk around being real happy until some jerk says something stupid to me." --jack handey

"how else am i to get you to treat me like a man of weight and substance unless i act as morally perturbed and angst-ridden as everyone else in this room?" --beast (x-men annual #2

"i'm the leader of the geek patrol. that makes me king geek." --gambit (gambit #12)

"the normal way you get into art college, the same old usual boring normal way you get in. i failed my exams and applied. they snapped me up!" --lister, "red dwarf"

"i love saturday morning cartoons, what classic humor! this is what entertainment is all about: idiots, explosives and falling anvils." --calvin and hobbes

"my vagina is on fire. i'm trying not to scratch it, orlando. i'm afraid it'll get infected." --chuck noblet reading jerri's note, "strangers with candy"

"uh-oh, two independent thought alarms in one day. the children are overstimulated. willie, remove all the colored chalk from the classrooms." --principal skinner, "the simpsons"

"without education we are in a horrible and deadly danger of taking educated people seriously." -- g.k. chesterson

"you may praise me without holding back." --ayame soma, "fruits basket"

"reality is an illusion created by a lack of alcohol." --nf simpson

"make a wish, and see yourself on stage, inside out. a tangle of garlands in your hair. of course you are pleasantly surprised." --curt wild, 'velvet goldmine'>

"the only difference between me and a madman is that i'm not mad." --salvador dali

"i think i'm getting dizzy and i rather like it." --pinky the mouse

"my garden will never make me famous, i'm a horticultural ignoramus." --ogden nash

"there is hardly anyone whose sexual life, if it were broadcast, would not fill the world at large with surprise and horror." --w. somerset maugham

"a lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. 'you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' she sneered. i replied in a psychotic tone, 'i didn't know there were any witnesses. now i'll have to kill you too." --jake johansen

"i cannot conceive of a god who rewards and punishes his creatures, or has a will of the kind that we experience in ourselves. neither can i nor would i want to conceive of an individual that survives his physical death; let feeble souls, from fear or absurd egoism, cherish such thoughts. i am satisfied with the mystery of the eternity of life and with the awareness and a glimpse of the marvelous structure of the existing world, together with the devoted striving to comprehend a portion, be it ever so tiny, of the reason that manifests itself in nature." --albert einstein

"when you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. it might be a trick, but if it's not, mmmmmmm boy." --jack handey

"i am not eccentric. it's just that i am more alive than most people. i am an unpopular electric eel set in a pond of goldfish." --edith sitwell

"wait a second; i�m just a tourist. i came here for a vacation; i just got here." --harry mason, "silent hill"

"everyone wants to be cary grant. even i want to be cary grant." --cary grant

"you're going to listen to something i said? haven't i made it abundantly clear during the tenure of our friendship that i don't know shit?" --brodie, "mallrats"

frodo said sharply, "and now leave me in peace for a bit!...i want to think!"
"good heavens!" said pippin. "at breakfast?"
--from "the fellowship of the ring", j.r.r. tolkien. but we all knew that.

"you may see me only as a drunken, vice-ridden gnome whose friends are just pimps and girls from the brothels. but i know about art and love, if only because i long for it with every fiber of my being." --toulouse-latrec, "moulin rouge"

"i am unfit for human consumption.i struggle to articulate how awful and isolating this feels, but i can�t find the words." --martha manning, "undercurrents: a life beneath the surface"

"ketchup. catsup. ketchup. catsup. i'm in over my head." --mister burns, the simpsons

"books are the carriers of civilization. without books, history is silent, literature dumb, science crippled, thought and speculation at a standstill." --barbara tuchman

"go away, i�m trying to die. because i�m tired of the world, and the world is evidently tired of me. why? because it�s all logic & reason now, science, progress, laws of hydraulics, laws of social dynamics, laws of this that & the other. no place for 3-legged cyclops from the south seas, no place for cucumber trees and oceans of wine. no place for me." --the baron von munchausen

"on second thought, let's not go to camelot. it is a silly place." --king arthur, "monty python & the holy grail"

"i like who i am, and am puzzled to find that not everybody shares this opinion." --ashleigh brilliant

"once upon a time, there was a little girl who believed that the moon was made of cheese, that hearts were made of butterscotch, and that someday her prince would come. one day, while sick at home with a cold, curled up in front of the television, a strange man burst in, drank all of her neo-citron, hogged the remote, shit on the carpet, and wiped his ass with her flannel nightie. after that, she didn't believe in fairytales anymore." --scott thompson, kith

"i see the dream and i see the nightmare, and i believe you can't have the dream without the nightmare." --tori amos

"there's nothing more exhilarating than pointing out the shortcomings of others, is there?"

"da dum. da dum. salsa shark. we're gonna need a bigger boat. man goes into cage, cage goes into salsa, shark's in the salsa."
--both quotes from randal graves in "clerks". i couldn't pick.

"in fact, no gods anywhere play chess. they prefer simple, vicious games, where you do not achieve transcendence but go straight to oblivion; a key to the understanding of all religion is that a god's idea of amusement is snakes and ladders with greased rungs." --from "lords and ladies", by terry pratchett

"i'm a star. i'm a star, i'm a star, i'm a star. i'm a big, bright shining star." --dirk diggler, "boogie nights"

"donuts. is there anything they can't do?" --homer simpson

"meddle not in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup." --gilthanous. if i have to tell you what it's a rephrasing of....get off my damn site.

"grown-ups never understand anything for themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them." --"the little prince", antoine de saint-exupery

"there is no immortality but a tree's love." --the tree, "the last unicorn"

"hey!!! i'm a superhero, too! joan! joan, where are you going?" --randy giles

"i'd like to think that my work has multidimensionality. that i can change a pair of shoes in the middle of the song and it's okay. that there is no structure that says i have to wear the same pair all the way through. as long as I've got feet, it's all right." --tori amos

"I SHALL SMITE THEE!!!" --kuno, "ranma 1/2"

"in the path of our happiness shall we find the learning for which we have chosen this lifetime." --richard bach, "illusions"

"for more than a thousand generations the jedi were the guardians of peace and justice in the galaxy. before the dark times. before the empire." --obi-wan kenobi

"quin tu istanc orationem hinc veterem atque antiquam amoves" --plautus, "miles gloriosus"

"turn the page, wash your hands, turn the page, wash your hands. turn the page, wash your hands, turn the page, wash your hands. turn the page, wash your hands, turn the page, wash your hands. turn the page, wash your hands, turn the page, wash your hands...." --filburt, "rocko's modern life"

"everyone sho nice. bilbo nice too. lights sho pretty. frodo not bad either. hobbits sho cuddly. whups. fellover." --from the very secret diary of gandalf the grey

"writing, i think, is not apart from living. writing is a kind of double living. the writer experiences everything twice. once in reality and once in the mirror which waits always before or behind." --catherine drinker bowen

"hell is other people." --jean-paul sartre

"why i say, i think the abc's are turning on us! treacherous dogs!" -- binky, "reboot"

"verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things." --dan quayle

"power corrupts. absolute power is kind of neat." --john lehman, secretary of the navy 1981-1987

"c'est moi l'original! c'est moi!" --the clones, "city of lost children"

"i'm nutty bunny number one. I like to frolic in the sun." -- bruce mcculloch, kith

"a poem is never finished, only abandoned." --paul valery

"ice is cool. it's like water....but it's not." --oz, "buffy the vampire slayer"

lister: "love is what separates us from the animals."
rimmer: "no, lister, what separates us from animals is that we don't use our tongues to clean our genitals."
--red dwarf

"aren't you just dying to know what's so special about the special?!" --allegra gellar, "eXistenZ"

"immorality: the morality of those who are having a better time." --h.l. mencken

"the question is: what is a sane man to do in an insane society?" --from catch-22

"i'm nutty bunny number one. i like to frolic in the sun." --bruce mculloch, kith

"it's bucket 'o nothing! surprise your friends, amaze your family, annoy perfect strangers!" --mike the tv, "reboot"

"she just goes a little mad sometimes. we all go a little mad sometimes. haven't you?" --norman bates, "psycho"

"but why is the rum gone?" --captain jack sparrow, and all my friends, and me

"somewhere there's danger, someplace there's injustice, and somewhere else, the tea's getting cold." --dr. who

"i'm just like any modern woman trying to have it all: a loving husband, family. it's just i wish i had more time to seek out the dark forces and join their hellish crusade." --morticia addams

"well, isn't that special." --snl's church chat lady

"how am i going to become a writer if i don't know how to suffer? actually, i'd give up writing if i could see a naked girl while i was eating ice cream." --neil simon, "brighton beach memoirs"

"we're giving you a new start on life and the chance to screw it up in new and imaginative ways!" --holly, "red dwarf"