"why go through life with one hand tied behind your back?" --james dean, on sexual preferences

"all the best bands are affiliated with satan." --bart simpson

"ka. moon. ka, moon. moon, ka." --oy, "wolves of the calla"

"some cultures are defined by their relationship to cheese." --joon, "benny & joon"

"how much can you know about yourself if you've never been in a fight?" --tyler durden

"hail to the king, baby." --ash, army of darkness

"what's this? sitting around watching the telly while there's evil still afoot? it's not very industrious of you. i say, we go out there, and kick a little demon ass. what, can't go without your buffy? is that it? too chicken? let's find her. she is the chosen one, after all. come on! vampires! rrrr! nasty! let's annihilate them. for justice, and for the safety of puppies, and christmas, right? let's fight that evil. Let's kill something. oh, come on!" --spike

"i guess i just prefer to see the dark side of things. the glass is always half-empty. and cracked. and i just cut my lip on it. and chipped a tooth." --janeane garofalo

"is obstacle. obstacle is for killing." --shampoo, ranma 1/2

"is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? and he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. and also, you're drunk." --deep thoughts with jack handey

"if you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?" --seymour cray, father of supercomputing

"oh, it was gorgeousness and gorgeosity made flesh. the trombones crunched redgold under my bed, and behind my gulliver the trumpets three-wise silverflamed, and there by the door the timps rolling through my guts and out again crunched like candy thunder. oh, it was wonder of wonders. and then, a bird of like rarest spun heavenmetal, or like silvery wine flowing in a spaceship, gravity all nonsense now, came the violin solo above all the other strings, and those strings were like a cage of silk round my bed. then flute and oboe bored, like worms of like platinum, into the thick toffee gold and silver. i was in such bliss, my brothers. --from a clockwork orange

"with the supermarket as our temple and the singing commercial as our litany, are we likely to fire the world with an irresistible vision of america’s exalted purpose and inspiring way of life?" --adlai stevenson

"i enjoy simple pleasures like butter in my ass and lollipops in my mouth. that's me -- call me crazy, call me a pervert, but this is something i enjoy." --floyd, boogie nights

"he can't have her! i love her! weeping. weeping" --the robot in the staples commercial

"choose life. choose a job. choose a career. choose a family. choose a fucking big television, choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. choose good health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. choose fixed interest morgage repayments. choose a starter home. choose your friends. choose leisure-wear and matching luggage. choose a three-piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. choose diy and wondering who the fuck you are on a sunday morning. choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. choose rotting away at the end of it all, pissing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrasment to the selfish, fucked up brats you spawned to replace yourself. choose your future. choose life. but why would i want to do a thing like that?." --renton, trainspotting

"it's a shame about raisins." --sam, benny and joon

"i don't use drugs, my dreams are frightening enough." --escher

"faith strikes me as intellectual laziness." --robert a heinlein

"it is my misfortune - and probably my delight - to use things as my passions tell me. what a miserable fate for a painter who adores blondes to have to stop himself putting them into a picture because they don't go with the basket of fruit! i put all the things i like into my pictures. the things - so much the worse for them. they just have to put up with it." --pablo picasso

"smoke me a kipper-- i'll be back for breakfast." --ace rimmer

"no, my name julio. julio the bus driver! AY AY!!" --david foley, kith

"there are three rules for writing the novel. unfortunately, no one knows what they are." --w. somerset maugham

"la vie humaine commence de l'autre côté du désespoir." --jean-paul sartre, "les mouches"

"i wish people could achieve what they think would bring them happiness in order for them to realize that that's not what happiness really is." --alanis morisette

"i've found the secret to happiness--total disregard of everybody."--ashleigh brilliant

"sooner strangle an infant in its cradle than nurse unacted desires."--william blake

"it's still too early to tell, but i may not be stupid." --dave foley, kith

"you can’t be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer." --frank zappa

"a mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems." --paul erdos

"sanity is a one trick pony -- all you have is rational thought. but when you're good and loony, the sky's the limit!" --the tick

"self-discipline implies some unpleasant things to me, including staying away from chocolate and keeping my hands out of women's pants." --oleg kiselev

"maybe this world is another planet's hell." --aldous huxley

"my advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher." --socrates

"what luck for rulers that men do not think." --adolf hitler

"to hang on from day to day and from week to week, spinning out a present that had no future, seemed an unconquerable instinct, just as one's lungs will always draw the next breath so long as there is air available." --from 1984 by george orwell

"reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs." --lily tomlin

"it's unfortunate that what we find pleasing to the touch and pleasing to the eye is seldom the same." --from pulp fiction

"men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things." -- epictetus
"what about things like bullets?" --herb kimmel, behavioralist, professor of psychology, upon hearing the above quote

"i'm not going to say anything inspirational, i'm just going to fucking swear a lot." --billie joe armstrong

"there's nothing on my mind that couldn't be expressed by a long insane outburst of hysterical rage." --ashleigh brilliant

"owa tana siam. faster. FASTER!" --david foley, kith

"all we are is dust in the wind, dude. dust. wind. DUDE." --ted, "bill & ted's excellent adventure"

"it is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid." --george bernard shaw

"the only difference between me and a madman is that i'm not mad." --salvador dali

"my goal is not to shock and horrify, but to tell the truth. and if the truth shocks and horrifies, well...maybe you should get out more." --scott thompson

"every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats." --henry louis mencken

"they say when you talk to god, it's prayer. but when god talks to you, it's schizophrenia." --agent mulder, "the x-files"

"good. bad. i'm the guy with the gun." --ash, "army of darkness"

"when authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. do not have sex with the authorities." --matt groening

"just because something's toxic doesn't mean it's not tasty." —-matthew j. siske

"the only thing standing between me and total happiness is reality." --douglas porter

"you have to be a bastard to make it, and that's a fact." --john lennon

"the devil came to me last night and asked what i wanted in exchange for my soul. i still can't believe i said pizza. friggin' cravings." --marc ostroff

"a world which is perfectly safe for the stupidest imaginable wanker is a damned annoying place in which to live for anyone else." --douglas g. henke

"i don't want to achieve immortality through my work. i want to achieve it through not dying." --woody allen

"the two most abundant things in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity" --harlan ellison

"someone is scribbling with permanent markers in my psyche!!!" --mrt4k

"some women get all excited about nothing. then they marry him" --cher

"the only thing helping keep my slender grip on reality is the friendship i share with my collection of singing potatoes" -- holly, "red dwarf"