(Krystal's POV)
I have never felt so complete. We woke up later in the day and went shopping. She had never been to L.A. and I wanted to take her everywhere. We went on Rodeo Dr., to a few malls, ate lunch, and rushed back to end up in bed for the rest of the day. There wasn't a concert scheduled until Monday so I didn't have to go anywhere near an arena. We were asleep we I heard a knock at the door. I looked at the clock and noticed that it was past 9 pm. I put a robe on and answered the door. It was AJ.
"Yeah?"
"Damn, is that how you answer the door for your favorite Backstreet Boy?"
"What is it, AJ? I'm kind of sleep," I said irritated.
"Where is your girl?"
"Sleep."
"Oh. I was wondering if you guys wanted to go out tonight. Catch a movie and a late dinner maybe?"
"Hmmm. That sounds like a good idea. I have to see if Hills wants to go. She is kind of worn out."
He laughed then. "I can imagine. I think everyone heard you on the floor last night and early this morning."
"You heard us?" I couldn't believe that one for a minute.
"Want me to refresh your memory? 'Oh, Hills! Yes! Yes!' Does that ring a bell?" AJ was laughing hard. I felt so embarrassed I could tell me face was beet red.
"Whatever. Listen, I have to wake her up and see if she wants to go."
"Cool. Oh! By the way, is Hills quiet, because I didn't hear her. Seems kind of silent," he said grinning a wide grin.
"That is none of your business, AJ."
"Come on, girl. We talk about everything when you don't want to talk to Mook. Is Hills good in bed?"
"For your info, I haven't quite found out if she is vocal or not."
"Excuse me? What do you mean you haven't found out? Damn girl, you guys have probably fucked a few dozen times by now."
I couldn't help but turn a deeper shade of red. In all honesty, I hadn't been able to return the love she shared with me. I felt kind of bad when she made love to me and then I gave her nothing. "AJ, can we not go there right now?"
"No. I want to know. You know I will hound you until I get an answer."
"Why are you so concerned in the first place?"
"Just curious. Now that I know what you sound like, I guess I want to know about her."
"She hasn't let me."
"She hasn't let you what? Do her?! Are you serious," he asked raising his voice.
"Shhh. Don't wake her. No I haven't. She sort of doesn't let me."
"Doesn't let you? What the hell is that supposed to mean? You go down on her and get busy! What's so hard about that?"
"I don't AJ. It is kind of bothering me, too. Today after she made love to me, I wanted to. I really did, but she just held me tight and fell asleep. She does that sometimes. She will shut me out. I don't think she means to."
"Oh. Well, I don't know what to say about that. Weird. Whatever. I have to go and get ready. Call my room to tell me if you guys are going or not, ok?"
"Yeah, AJ. And don't repeat any of this," I warned him as I ushered him out the door.
"You picked the wrong person to keep a secret," he said grinning again.
"AJ," I said menacing. He just smile an evil type grin and closed the door.
I went back to the bed and noticed Hills awake.
"How much did you hear," I asked.
"All of it," she said softly.
"Why won't you let me?"
"I can't. Not yet. I can't really explain it. I'm sorry. I want you to be ready and willing to do it without any qualms."
"I wanted to today. You wouldn't let me. Why is at times you block me out? I love you."
"I love you, too. Don't ever doubt that. I just can't right now."
That last statement hurt. She said she loves me but she won't let me into her soul. I saw her bow her head and shut me out again. "Did you want to go to the movies with us," I asked.
"No not really. I think I will stay in and rest. I'm really tired."
I climbed in the bed and held her close to me. It was the only thing I could think of to do. I held her for what seemed like eternity, feeling her heartbeat through my robe.
"Hill, come with us please. You leave tomorrow. I won't be able to see you for a while."
"Krystal," she started as she pulled away from my embrace. "Go with them. Have fun tonight. I will be here waiting for you, ok?"
I wasn't going to argue with her. After talking to her for the past few months, I knew how stubborn she could get when she makes up her mind.
"Well how about this? Come with me on tour. Quit your job and be with me for the tour. It's so lonely on the road and after this weekend, I don't think I could bear not having you with me."
"Krystal. I can't. I can't just quit my job. How will I get money? it's busy season anyway, and I won't stick the hotel with a bunch of kids. I can't do that."
"I could find a job for you here. Dammint Hill. I love you. I want you here with me, not thousands of miles away." I was practically pleading with her. I wanted her with me. I wanted to wake up every morning in her arms. Yet, she didn't want the same. In my mind I began to doubt if there was going to be an "us" in a few months if she didn't open up and let my all the way in.
"I can't Krystal," she said and went to the door of her room. "Come get me when you get back. I need to rest." She closed the door and left me in my room alone.
* * *
(My POV)
I knew I had hurt her. I saw the pain in her eyes. I didn't mean to. I just couldn't explain to her at that moment why I wouldn't let her make love to me. It's hard to give my body to someone else. It has been since, well, since a few years ago. I'm going to get into that. It's not that I didn't want her to. After tasting her, holding her, hearing her say my name in that sexy hoarse whisper, my body was going haywire. Somehow I couldn't let her do the same for me as I had done for her. I'm a giver by nature and that made it even harder. So I shut her out and told her to go have fun with AJ and company. I really wasn't in the mood after AJ said he heard us anyway. I swear that boy made me nervous. The way he looked at Krystal sometimes made me fearful. He had the look on an animal on the prowl, watching is meal carefully, etching out a masterful plan to snag her. I kept shaking the thought away btu it kept nagging me.
The door slammed and she left. I was laying in bed trying my best to go to sleep but it wouldn't come. Thoughts of Krystal and our relationship kept haunting me. She wanted me to go on tour with her. I wanted to. I really did, but I couldn't just drop my job. I loved my work. I knew she was asking me to come out of shear desperation. I guess she felt isolated because of the way I was acting. I felt like an ass. I loved her. I adored her but I just couldn't get past letting her love me back.. She said she loved me and part of me believed it, but at the same time, my mind was telling me that she couldn't possibly love me. Sounds idiotic but it was true.
I must have drifted off finally because the next thing I heard was Krystal coming in the door rather loud with AJ in tow.
"Shh AJ," she said. "Don't wake her. She was tired today."
"Ok. Ok. I'm going to leave anyway. I think I'm going out to the clubs tonight and get some honey action going on. You ain't the only one that's gonna get pussy tonight."
"Fine. Have fun. Now leave," I heard her say.
"Cya!" Then I heard the door close and my door open.
"Hill, you awake,"she asked me.
"Now I am. What's up?"
"Can I come in here with you? It's our last night together," she said. She had a gentleness in her voice that made me feel like a big ass.
"Yeah." I scooted over and made room for her. She rested her head on my chest and sighed.
"What's the matter, cherie?"
"I want you to go on tour with me, baby. Please. I need you," she said softly.
"Krystal, please love, we talked about this. I can't. You know that."
"Do you even care that I love you? That I want to be with you?" Her voice was raising now. I could tell she was getting angry.
"Yes I love you and I want to be with you too, but I can't just up and leave. It's not that simple. I have a job, a house, car payments. I have bills to pay. I have responsibilities."
"I could help with those. Just come with me," she pleaded.
"No Krystal. I can't. End of story." I didn't mean to sound so annoyed but it came out that way and it pissed her off even more.
"Fine then. Forget I even asked. Forget this whole damn weekend!" She moved out of the bed and went to her room. She didn't see the tears run down my face. Her words felt like stingy slaps that hit me right in the heart.
* * *
The next morning Krystal was not in her room. I looked everywhere but she had vanished. I called Mook's room. "Hey Mook. Have you seen Krystal? She isn't here."
"She said she had to go for a walk and that I should take you back to the airport. What happened?"
"I'll tell you on the way to the airport. I guess I have to leave without telling her good-bye."
"Ok. I'll be ready in fifteen minutes. Is that enough time?"
"Yeah. Meet me down in the lobby."
"Ok. And whatever happened, it will work out."
"Thanks Mook." I hung up the phone, took a shower, got dressed, and met Mook at our designated time.
"Ready to go," he asked.
"No. I wanted to see Krystal but I guess she isn't coming back for a while." Mook walked me to the car and I got in trying my best to hold my composure. As soon as he closed the door, however, the tears ran freely. I had just lost a love I was just beginning to know.
* * *
(Krystal's POV)
She made me mad. She really made me mad. So mad in fact that I didn't want to be in the same room with her. I left after we talked and went to my room crying. I didn't understand why she wouldn't come with me. The Boys' girlfriends would drop anything to be with their men but I had the one women who wouldn't do it. I cried in my pillow and got absolutely no sleep. The next morning I called Mook and told him to take her to the airport. I didn't want to be around to see her. It would hurt too much to see her leave. I went out and got some fresh air and ran into AJ.
"You look like shit!"
"Thanks, AJ. I really needed to hear that," I said on the verge of tears. he noticed and grabbed me by the hand.
"Come on to my room. We will talk about it there."
He opened the door to his room and immediately I could smell the funk of sex.
"Eww AJ. What the hell did you do in here," I asked.
"None of your beez wax. Now sit on that chair and talk to me while I clean up a bit."
I told him everything. What was said. How I felt. He listened. He actually listened and didn't say a word until I was sobbing again. He came to me and pulled me close in his arms, turning my face to meet his.
"She said no, huh. Well then she wasn't good enough for you. If she loved you then, she would have stayed."
"She loves me AJ. I know she does. I feel it but she won't let me in to love her back. I don't know why and I don't know how to get her to open up a little."
"Well, where is she now?"
"On her way home. I told Mook to take her to the airport."
"Nice send off, Krys," he said sarcastically.
I cried harder then. I feared she would never talk to me again. AJ kept holding me and rocking me until the tears subsided. Then out of the blue, I asked the worst thing I could ever had asked anyone at that moment.
"Make love to me, AJ. Please. I need someone to hold onto right now."
