“Get away from the window, Spike,” Angel said softly. “She’s across the way in the park.”

Spike’s head turned to look in surprise at the other man. “How do you know?”

“I can feel her,” he explained laughing. “Besides if you look all the way to the left, she’s on a bench, looking this way.”

Spike lifted the curtain and looked where Angel indicated and saw her. Buffy was sitting right where he said she was with her knees drawn up and her arms wrapped around them.

“Why doesn’t she just come back? Stupid bint. What kind of games does she think she’s playing?”

Angel stood and took Spike’s hand to draw him back to the bed. Once they were settled he ran his fingers through Spike’s hair playfully ruffling it from its combed back look.

“Games she doesn’t know how to play. If she did, she wouldn’t have run after she got dressed. Don’t be angry with her.”

“Why not? Why should I start liking her now? It’s only because of you that I’m even doing this.”

“Is it?” Angel quietly told him as he pushed the younger vampire onto his back. “Or is it because you have always wanted what is mine?” He moved until he was straddling Spike and ran a tongue across one nipple. “Or is it because you have always seen that special something the girl has and want it for your own?” Angel gently bit the nipple before he started to rain kisses across Spike’s abdomen.

“She’s just Buffy. I hate her and she’s a bitch,” Spike moaned softly and lost his train of thought as a tongue was dipped into his belly button while fingers kneaded at his hips. “She’s selfish and…and aren’t you worried that she might come in?”

“Do you want me to stop?” Angel froze with his fingers on the zipper of Spike’s jeans. “Besides aren’t you the one who keep telling me she needs the truth in order to deal.” Knowing Spike wasn’t going to protest anymore he finished his task of freeing what he wanted.

“You’re only doing this to placate me and keep me from screaming at her when she gets back, Aaaah shit.”

Spike forgot about Buffy as Angel took him into his mouth, sucking and sliding down his length. This was a rare privilege from his Sire and he wasn’t going to waste a moment of it thinking about the Slayer. If she walked in, it served her right and maybe she’d learn something for future use.

~~~~~~~~

Embarrassment was her strongest emotion at the moment followed by anger and then hurt. It was a deadly combination on her already overloaded system. There were just too many things to think about and too many feelings she was trying to deal with. She wanted to call her mother for advice but hadn’t spoken to Joyce in two months and wasn’t sure how she would be received. Right now Buffy couldn’t take any more drama so calling her mother was ruled out. She thought about Sheila but she couldn’t tell her very much so it would just add more confusion and frustration to the mix so that idea was nixed. The only person who would really understand was Angel and he was a major part of the problem so that left him out.

When it came down to it she didn’t have anyone she could talk to so she stayed on this bench rocking back and forth waiting until she didn’t have any choice but to go back to the motel. The tears kept rolling down her cheeks and she kept wiping them away.

They had to be angry at her; not to mention thinking she was nothing but a foolish little girl. At least that’s what he would think. Spike. How could she want to have sex with him? How could she want to lie curled up in his arms just to sleep? It was a betrayal of everything that she should feel for him. He had tried to kill her, had tried to kill her friends and Angel. Yet Angel forgave him and had a relationship with him. Then that argument was dismissed because of the family relationship between them. To her it made her look like she was easy or desperate to do anything to keep Angel.

There was just something about her nemesis that drew her in. The gentleness that he sometimes showed, the way he pushed her to do what she wanted, the way he would cut through the bullshit to the heart of the matter and she knew that he could be good for her. She wanted him to hold her and kiss her and make love to her but she didn’t love him and for her that was wrong.

She loved Angel. She wanted a life with him. The wedding, the marriage, the kids, all the normal things that her mother wanted her to have and Buffy now had to face that it would never happen. Of course she had always known that it was impossible but it hadn’t kept her from hoping and weaving elaborate fantasies of them in the future. Now she realized if she wanted Angel then she would have to face the relationship with eyes open and willing to embrace the vampire in him. And she would have to take Spike with him.

Oh, boy can’t wait to tell Mom about that. Mom, I am going to be living with Angel but I’ll be sleeping with Spike. Well, gee, actually, I’ll be sleeping with both of them because Angel wants to watch while Spike and I fuck. Yep, Mom, maybe you should have just let me go Sunnydale U. Might have saved us this lovely trip.

That would go over really well, with everyone. If she hadn’t lost them when she had run then that might be the final straw. In the end though she knew it was what she wanted and she knew that whatever her life was meant to be it was back in Sunnydale. As she let go of thoughts of Daytona one less thing was demanding attention in her brain. And if only she would quit denying the feeling of wanting to run back to the motel and beg them to forgive her she would have lost a lot of the other confusion too. But she didn’t and finally as the sun dropped below the horizon they came and got her. The convertible pulled up beside her and none of them spoke as she climbed into the back seat and resumed the position she had maintained all afternoon on the bench.

~~~~~~~~

They had been on the road for almost four hours when Buffy stirred in the back seat. Spike turned to look at her as she stretched and slowly came awake again. When her eyes opened she saw him watching her and she smiled tentatively at him. He returned the smile reaching a hand back for her to use to pull herself up. It was hard for him to stay angry with her when she was all sleep tousled and innocent looking.

She scooted forward until she was resting her arms on the back of the seat then announced, “I have to pee.”

“There’s an exit in about two miles, can you wait?” Angel asked.

“Ummm, I’d rather wait than hang my butt over the side of the car.” She laughed and felt pleased when they both grinned at her. Maybe earlier could just be forgotten and wouldn’t have to be brought up again.

By the time they reached a small convenience store Buffy was dancing in the back seat and wished she had the time to smack Spike for laughing at her as she ran into the store.

“Do you want anything, Ang?”

After receiving Angel’s denial for sustenance of any kind, Spike strolled into the store just as the Slayer was coming out of the bathroom.

“Feel better, pet?”

“Yes,” Buffy answered while finally giving him the smack on the shoulder that he deserved. They both laughed as the blonde followed her down the candy aisle. Not aware of absently patting her pocket where her money was stashed she settled on a Twix bar and put the Milky Way back. She wasn’t broke yet but she wanted to be careful.

When Buffy turned toward the counter to pay Spike grabbed a few more candy bars to add to his pile of snacks but found himself caught as she turned around and her hazel eyes pinned him to the spot.

“I hope you’re not buying those for me.”

“Yeah, I was. It’s not a big deal.” Spike figured he may as well counter her statement with a little defensive reaction.

“I can take care of myself. I don’t need your money,” she told him coldly.

“Yeah, right, Love, that’s why you keep ordering the cheapest thing on every menu. The reason we keep going through McDonalds because you’re just rolling in it.” Spike sauntered closer to her, so close he could whisper in her ear. “What are you afraid of? That we’ll get in the middle of nowhere and I’ll make you repay me for a bloody candy bar by letting me have my wicked way with your virgin ass.”

Fury lit through her veins at his arrogant remark. She looked into his eyes and knew he was joking but it didn’t matter. The emotions that had been simmering in her since she had seen them again was beginning to boil and to have him mock her attempt at being independent was just one more insult as far as she was concerned.

“I should never have come back with you two.” Buffy said while laying the candy bar back on the shelf and walked out of the store.

He knew he shouldn’t have made a joke out of her trying to be independent and definitely shouldn’t have said anything about having sex with her. There was just too many things going on with her and he knew that he wasn’t helping any. But truth be told he didn’t want to be there for her. If she ran from them than he would have Angel to himself and his life would be secure again. Although there was that part or him that wanted her too, so with a sigh he grabbed the candy bar from where she had laid it and went to the counter to pay with Angel’s money. He glanced out to the car and as he looked at Angel he muttered, “Yeah, baby, I know exactly where you are coming from.”

Buffy was already curled up in the back seat when Spike slammed the car door shut as he climbed into the front seat. No one spoke a word as Angel maneuvered the car back onto the highway. Every once in a while she could feel his eyes flicker over her from the rear view mirror then he would glance over at his Grand-Childe trying to figure out what had happened between the two in the store. They had been smiling when they first wandered through the aisles but something had happened and Buffy had stormed out while Spike made some purchases. It was almost an hour later when the tension between them finally blew. Spike, in an attempt at a truce, reached down to pick up the bag and he turned to hand it to Buffy.

“I don’t want it,” she said through clenched teeth.

“Good God, woman, just take the candy. I don’t want anything from you. It was a bloody joke.” Spike replied tossing the bag in the back seat next to her.

Buffy gave him one scathing look then primly picked the bag up and tossed it out of the car. Her gaze returned to the landscape that was flowing by.

“You fucking bitch, my stuff was in that bag, too.” He screamed at her finally at his limited breaking point of trying to be understanding and compassionate. “Do you even realize what a selfish bitch you are?”

Angel rolled his eyes and threw his head back because he knew that there was going to be one unholy fight between the two.

“Stop it. Spike, turn around and be quiet,” he commanded.

“You are a disgusting pig. I should have staked you a long time ago.” Buffy shouted back at the blonde vampire.

Spike rose to his knees and turned around in the seat so that he could be better positioned to scream at her.

“You are the most spoiled little brat; I have ever had the misfortune of meeting in over a century. Do you ever give a little? All I was trying to do was be nice to you. But, no, you have to work yourself into a damn snit because you think all I want is to crawl between your legs. But you know what; I know why Angel never fucked you. It’s because you’re not worth losing a soul over.”

Buffy didn’t even think it was an automatic reaction to the pain she was feeling, she just pulled her fist back and punched him in the nose.

“Oow,” Spike screeched while clutching his nose. His eyes glittered dangerously as he looked at her. This was the Buffy he knew, all spunk, fight and fury and he forgot about the chip as he fell into the old pattern between the two and he slapped her. Hard. The pain was instantaneous and he fell back clutching his head.

Buffy had also forgotten about the chip in her anger and followed him over the seat. Her emotions had finally exploded and she threw herself on top of Spike. They slid down onto the floorboard with Spike trying to protect himself by crouching down with his arms crossed over his head while Buffy beat him with random punches.

“Both of you stop it,” Angel yelled as he tried to pull the car over. He was ignored and as he heard Spike cry out in pain, Angel with his foot on the brake and one eye on where he was trying to steer the car to, reached over and wrapped one hand in Buffy’s hair and pulled.

Her head snapped back and then she turned on Angel. “I hate you both,” she screamed as she threw punches at Angel. Trying to avoid the blows, Angel accidentally jerked the wheel hard to the right and the car spun across the side of the road. Then as it finally lurched to a stop, Angel turned and grabbed her by one arm and slid one hand between her legs, hefted her up and literally threw her out of the car.

Buffy hit the road, stunned that Angel would do this to her, and quickly scrambled back up. She ignored the scrapes on her arm and stalked back over to the car where Angel was trying to see if Spike was all right. When Buffy got close enough, Angel threw the car door open knocking her back again.

“You bastard, how dare you treat me like this?” Buffy screamed.

“And how dare you hit someone that has no way of fighting back?”

This momentarily stopped Buffy as her eyes turned to where Spike was climbing out of the car, shame hitting her as she saw the bruise forming on his face. Angel turned to look at Spike leaning against the car and lighting a cigarette with trembling hands and his face softened.

“Is this how it is always going to be? Is he always going to come first with you?” Buffy’s anger had returned when she saw the compassion on Angel’s face. “You told me that you love me, that you would always love me, and now I have to share you. It’s not fair.”

Tears started to roll down her face as the rejection hit her again, the break up two months ago and now the competition with Spike.

“I do love you, Buffy. I didn’t lie and I have offered to make you my mate, which would make you first in my life. What more do you want from me?” Angel snarled at her. This girl they had found was not the sweet Buffy he had fallen in love with and he wanted her back.

“I want to feel that I’m first. Damn it, all I wanted was for you to love me and you dumped me. Told me that I can’t be with you and now you come back and you want me to fuck someone else in order to have you.”

“I’m trying to find a way for us to be together. I’m sorry I hurt you but I thought that was what was best for you.”

“Best for me? Best that you just break my heart and stomp all over my dreams. That’s what my mom said and what Giles said. Yeah, everybody cares so much about me. Just push me away.” Buffy could barely get the words out through her sobbing. It hurt so much. She needed Angel to hold her and tell her that everything was going to be okay but he was too concerned with Spike. Turning to him she unleashed more of her fury, “I hate you. You are a disgusting animal and need to be destroyed. Do you hear me? The first chance I get…”

“Shut up, now.” Angel grabbed her arm and pulled her back to face him. “Don’t threaten him. I’m tired of hearing about poor little Buffy. You took off and didn’t let anyone know where you were. Just phone calls to your mother’s answering machine. Your mom has been out of her mind with worry, Giles turned his entire life upside down to stay until we could find you and your friends are torn apart with guilt because they weren’t there enough for you. Grow up and quit your sniveling. We may have been wrong but we were trying for you…”

Buffy had finally hit her emotional limit. Her breathing came quicker and quicker, a hand clutched at her chest as she fell to her knees.

“Buffy, what the hell…” Angel started. At first he thought it was Buffy pulling an act to get more attention.

Spike pushed past Angel “She’s not faking. There’s a paper bag in the glove compartment with my smokes in it. Get it now.” He knelt beside her as Angel hurried back to the car. “Come on, Slayer, breathe through your nose and out through the mouth.” He pulled her to him, pushing her hair back. “Come on, it’s not worth getting yourself all sick for, is it?” Spike spoke soothingly to her as Angel handed him the bag. He covered her nose and mouth with it. “It’s okay, baby, just breathe.”

“What’s wrong?” Angel asked.

“Panic attack. Emotional overload. She just couldn’t handle it anymore.”

For a moment the brunette closed his eyes in guilt for pushing her too hard then he sat behind her on the road until she was cradled between them. Slowly her breathing slowed as they both spoke softly to her. When she felt somewhat in control again she pushed Spike’s hand away that was holding the bag to her face.

“I’m sorry. I forgot about the chip.”

“That’s okay. I forgot about the chip, too. Sorry for making fun of you.”

She laughed softly, “I guess that’s us. Get so involved in the fight that we forget everything else.”

“It will make life interesting.”

On shaky legs she stood and reached a hand down to them. Without really pulling on her they took her hands and stood.

“Buffy, I’m sorry…” Angel started.

“No, don’t. I shouldn’t have run away like that. I’ll take my lumps as they come.” Hazel eyes met brown eyes with determination that she wouldn’t break again. It was time to make a few decisions in her life. “And you shouldn’t have broken up with me without discussing everything with me. Let me make my own choices.”

Angel nodded his agreement.

“This is it?”

His eyebrows met in confusion.

“I either agree to be your mate and sleep with Spike or there is no us?”

“Yes.”

“I hate to break up this tender scene but a few cars have gone by and we need to get out of here before someone calls the cops.” Spike interjected while watching another car slow to look before speeding off.

When Buffy moved to climb in the backseat Spike asked her to sit with them and after whispering thanks she ended up in the middle of the front seat. Scooting closer she moved against Angel needing the reassurance of his presence. As Angel got them back on the highway, she noticed Spike scrunched up next to the door.

“Come here,” Buffy said as she laid a hand on his arm.

Spike turned to look at her in surprise but when she smiled at him he scooted closer to her. He laid his arm across the back of the seat and Buffy leaned into him while keeping a hand on Angel’s leg.

“This isn’t so bad,” she whispered. How can this be wrong? She wondered as felt the three of them touching in a contented truce. When you stripped away all the arguments of what was supposed to be right and wrong and the truth was exposed, this felt safe and right.

TBC