The suitcase was dumped out on the bed while Buffy sorted through the contents looking for the boot to match the one on her right foot. It probably would have been easier to locate if she didn’t want to rip off a certain vampire’s head. When he stepped into the room she ignored him as she grabbed her duffel bag and dumped its contents on top of everything else.

Angel approached her cautiously before bending down to pick up the missing boot from under the edge of the bed and handed it to her. “Is this what you’re looking for?”

Without thanking him she snatched it from him and turned to sit on the bed so she could put it on.

“I’m sorry,” Angel said as he sat next to her.

As soon as she pulled the zipper up she stood again. “For what? For lying to me or for me finding out?”

“I was trying to do what was best for you.”

“Which brings us back to where we started. Are you ever going to level with me and let me decide? Or is my Mom right and you just manipulated everything to suit yourself?”

He stood and rested his hands on her shoulders. “If nothing else you know I love you, Buffy.”

She sighed as she looked up at him. “I know you love me but that doesn’t answer my question. Is there anything else that you haven’t told me about?”

“Nope, that’s pretty much everything.”

“I’m going to hold you to that.” Buffy stepped closer to him. “If I find out that you have lied to me or manipulated me I will be out of here. And we both know I can manage on my own so don’t take it lightly.”

“I understand.”

Angel closed the small distance between them and pressed his lips to hers. She let a small sigh escape as their mouths fused together and she allowed herself to sink into him. All it took was this for everything to become focused again and for her to remember that this was where she belonged. His tongue flickered lightly at her lips, asking to come in and she opened to him. His hair was soft under her fingers as she strained up on her tiptoes to get closer to him. Finally he broke the kiss and she slid down his front, panting into the softness of his shirt.

“I love you, Angel.”

“Well, well, hate to break up the touching scene but we have company.” Spike smirked. “Your little followers are here being all brave venturing into the vampire’s lair.”

“Excuse me, this is my lair…home too, so be nice.” Buffy said as she brushed past him to head toward the living room. It wasn’t like she had totally forgiven Angel or forgotten what he had done but it was in the past and she only wanted to move forward so she was going to try to. What he had done was tied up in what had already been dealt with and forgiven. As far as she was concerned the night they had made their commitments, the slates had been wiped clean, Angel’s and Spike’s. From now on it was what they did not what had happened before that mattered.

She strode confidently into the living room but as soon as she saw them she faltered. Willow and Xander, her best friends since she had come here, and the ones she had walked out on. Tears welled up as she moved hesitantly toward them.

“Hey,” she finally said as she lifted a hand to greet them. It was silly she knew but she wasn’t sure if she threw herself into their arms if they would catch her.

“Hi, Buffy,” Willow said. “Your mom said that you were going to register tomorrow so I brought you some alternate class selections based on what we had talked about before you left. A lot of the classes you wanted could be filled.” She handed Buffy the class catalog with some papers stuck into it.

“Thank you,” Buffy said as she took it from her then walked over to place it by her purse on the side table. When she glanced up she realized that Xander was having a staring contest with Angel and Spike, his eyes flickering between them. “Hello Xander.”

He broke contact with the vampires to look at her and she smiled at him hoping that it would help to soothe him.

“Hi, Buff.”

Her smile only got bigger as she looked at him and eventually he smiled back at her.

“Would you two like to go patrolling with me? We can talk just the three of us.”

“Sounds good,” Willow agreed.

Xander only nodded as Buffy reached for her jacket and with a silent prayer and a deep breath to give her courage she walked over to her lovers. Deliberately so there was no misunderstandings or a chance for her friends to think she was ashamed, she kissed Spike first and then she went to Angel. “I’m going to go patrolling with them and I’ll be back later.” Buffy told him before she kissed him good-bye. As she started to walk toward her friends she realized that Spike was clutching her hand.

“Be careful, Love.” He said as he let their fingers slip apart.

“I will,” Buffy said as she flashed a smile at them before she left.

~~~~~~~

When the knock sounded on his door, he knew who it was because he had been waiting for them to arrive. Giles pulled the door open to reveal the two vampires and he stepped back to allow them entrance. They had both been issued invitations to his flat early in the summer when Buffy had first run away. Ever since Joyce had discovered the note Angel had been a frequent visitor later joined by Spike as the search for the missing Slayer had progressed.

The two came in and Spike immediately headed for what he considered his chair. Most of the conversations didn’t overly include him and sitting here he could be part of what was going on or watch the television.

Angel sat on the couch closest to Spike while Giles seated himself at the other end. Tension was heavy between the Watcher and the elder vampire as they contemplated each other.

“Buffy said that you were supportive of her decision.” Angel said. “I was kind of surprised.”

Giles sighed, “I am supportive and respectful of Buffy herself. Not of this relationship. I understand what would lead her to make this decision. And I also feel that until Joyce has had an opportunity to reevaluate some of her decisions then Buffy needs an adult outside of this relationship to be able to go to. But do not think that I approve of what you have done, Angel.”

“What given her a chance at being loved while she is still…”

“Alive,” Spike finished.

“Is she loved? By both of you?” Giles asked with his gaze firmly directed at Spike.

“Come on, Watcher, the girl and I have been enemies for years. Do you think we’d love each other overnight? I like her and she likes me and that’s enough for now. Angel and her have the lovey-doveys down pat and I take care of the other stuff.”

“The thought of her and you together disgusts me. She deserves better.”

“Maybe she does but she probably wouldn’t ever have that chance. This way she is loved,” Angel said and after a quick glance at Spike, “and cared about.”

“Buffy is just fine. The girl is doing right good at voicing her opinions and decisions. Being away from the lot of you gave her some spunk. And she’s wearing it well.” Spike said.

“And she could have made this decision here if it was all so good. Why didn’t you wait, Angel? Let her come home and settle in again before making this decision.”

“We talked, all three of us, and we didn’t want to wait. We wanted to come back with things settled.”

Giles stood as he went to pour a glass of Scotch to help soothe his nerves. If he had known what Angel was going to do he would never have agreed to let him go and bring Buffy home. They had worked together looking for her and the taking over of her duties while she was gone. It was strange but he had started to think of Angel as almost a friend in the last two months as they all had. What he had done was a betrayal to that fragile relationship they had been building with him.

Before she had gone, Angel had been there working with them but there was always Buffy being a buffer between them. Not really giving them a chance to bond with him and they had taken the steps over the summer to rectify that and now it was like he was throwing it back in their faces by bringing home a Buffy that wasn’t theirs anymore. A different girl than had left and it was his fault even if they had all contributed to her demise.

“What’s done is done. There is no use arguing the same ground over and over.” Giles finally said.

“If it’s worth anything, I’m sorry that it went down like this.” Angel said giving as much of an apology as he was going to for taking what he felt was his anyways.

“I’m not. Sorry, that is.” Spike said. “Everybody is getting all dramatic and blaming each other but everyone should have known that they’d find a way to get back together. They’ve been in love since they laid eyes on each other and they’ll be in love until one of them is dead. And then the survivor is going to build a shrine to the other and wither away on it.”

As much as he hated to admit it, Spike was right. It was inevitable that something would bring them together again. Giles just disliked that it was Spike that was the catalyst. The blond vampire had been on a self-pitying trip since he had been chipped and refused to see that this may be a chance to change his future for the better. All he did was talk about what he was going to do when he got the chip out as if it would ever be removed.

Choosing to ignore Spike, Giles turned to Angel, “I am going to be training with Buffy tomorrow and I think it would be a good idea to hold a meeting afterwards. Get everyone together and let things start getting back to normal. Let Buffy start taking control of the Slaying again and get her filled in on everything that has been going on.”

Giles was relieved when Angel didn’t argue. He had been afraid that since Buffy had agreed to be his mate that he would try to dominate all areas of her life including her role as the Slayer. After being in charge for the last two months it was surprising that the vampire was just going to step back into second position in the fighting especially since he had Spike to contend with.

“She is the Slayer, Giles, not me.” Angel said. “Things are just going to have to settle into place somehow.”

The Watcher nodded but wondered how long it would take for the position to start chafing at Angel and how Spike would continue to accept Angel as the dominate party in the family when Angel was playing second fiddle to someone else.

~~~~~~~

As if by agreement the three friends didn’t say anything until they had reached the first cemetery and turned into its gates. Then once among the dead who couldn’t hear or repeat the secrets the words came to them.

“So, you were in Daytona? Did you sleep in boxes?” Xander asked.

“Yep and nope,” Buffy replied. “Why would I sleep in boxes?”

“You know, being homeless and everything.”

“Wasn’t homeless. I stayed in a cheap hotel the first couple of nights then found a job and one of the girls there rented me a room. So, I was all nice and cozy and only two blocks from the ocean.”

“That sounds cool, Buffy. Did you have fun while you were there?” Willow asked.

“Yeah, I did.”

“Well, that’s nice to know. That we were all worried about you and everything and you were just having a grand old time.” Xander said.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t do it to hurt you.” Buffy said as she lowered her head to watch her feet as she walked and her hands were stuffed into her pockets.

“No, you did it for yourself. Didn’t think about us at all, did you? Or your mom…”

“Stop it. Okay, I have been told what an incredible shit I was about it, over and over. I know I was wrong. I was selfish. And everybody seems to forget that I was fucking hurting and alone.”

The two friends turned to face each other as the emotions took them over. Buffy fought the tears that were welling in her eyes as she reeled under Xander’s attack.

“And did you trying to talk to any of us before you took the big bus out of town?”

“Yes, I did. I called you both but you know what you were too busy losing yourselves in your romances and the new joys of sex that neither of you had the time to be there for me. I left messages and when I did talk to you it was ‘I’ll call you back’.”

“Is that why you decided to fuck the undead before you got back to town? You’re mom was the one who told us about the living with the duo of death and destruction. Was it to even the score or to keep up because for once you weren’t leading the pack? Because all it does is makes the rest of us wonder what the hell you are up to. Spike? That is beyond words in choices.”

“Fuck you, Xander. Don’t even talk to me about choices. The vengeance demon with a thousand year reign. Let’s add up the body counts on both sides and see who wins. So, don’t even talk to me about choices.”

“You’re right; I can’t talk to you about this.” Xander said as he turned to walk back the way they came.

Buffy started to follow him with Willow right behind her. “Xander, couldn’t you even say you missed me before you tore me apart.”

He stopped and turned to look at her and the tears that streamed down her face and the still lost look in her eyes.

“You tore us apart first.”

“And how many times do I have to say I’m sorry that I got scared and hurt. But you know what in a lot of ways, I’m not sorry. I learned a lot and I had a good time and now I’ve got a new start. So, are we going to be friends or not?”

“I missed you, Buffy.” He said because in the end it was true and he was glad that she was back. “But don’t expect me to like this relationship or to never continue to try to talk you out of it.”

She flew into his arms as he hugged her. Then Willow was there hugging her too and all three were crying. Then softly in her ear Willow whispered, “I still have my turn you know.” Buffy nodded knowing that she had one more lecture before it was over.

~~~~~~~

Spike walked into the bedroom disdainfully eyeing Buffy’s belongings strewn across the bed. Knowing that it wouldn’t any good to complain since she wasn’t there to clean it up, he started to pick up her clothing and toss it onto the floor.

“Those might be clean,” Angel said.

“Well, then she shouldn’t have left them here,” Spike said as he grabbed the last of them. He straightened up and looked around the room before heading for the dresser to grab an urn. Returning he started to throw her makeup and various other things into it.

“Spike, that urn is...”

“Here and going to work very well until she takes over the bathroom.”

Angel sighed, “Tomorrow we start on getting the room and bathroom ready for her.”

“Not looking forward to sharing a bathroom with her, are you?” Spike put the urn back down and then started to strip the bed. “It’s from before we left.” He looked up at Angel, “You could help you know.”

Responding to Spike, Angel walked over to the bed and pulled the sheets from his side. Then they were added to the pile of Buffy’s clothes.

“Not really,” Angel said then when Spike looked questioningly at him, “the bathroom. Three people are too many. Plus she has so much stuff and some of it I don’t even want to know what it’s used for.”

Turning back to the bed Spike threw a clean sheet over the mattress as Angel caught it and fastened it. For the next couple of minutes they made the bed in silence and after the comforter was smoothed over the top, Spike started to pull his clothes off throwing them on the ever growing pile.

“We might want to consider some modern appliances like maybe a washer and dryer.” Spike said as he lay on his stomach across the bed. He knew that Angel had been watching him disrobe and he was hoping that his Sire would join him. Propping himself on his elbow he slowly let his eyes wander over Angel’s body.

The blonde smiled in satisfaction as Angel kicked his shoes off and began to pull his shirt off. It had been days since they had been alone and he wanted some time with just Angel. He watched the brunette as he padded around the bed and climbed onto the mattress behind him. As Angel straddled him and his hands smoothed over the pale flesh of his back Spike relaxed into the mattress. With his arms stretched out in a crucifixion pose the blonde gave up control to his Sire’s mouth and hands.

“Ah, Childe, I have never met any man who is as beautiful as you,” a kiss was laid on the nape of his neck. “But yet so male,” kisses were trailed along his jaw. “Being with you is always a joy to me.” A kiss to the side of his mouth before Angel rested on top of him for just a moment then came to lie next to him.

Spike reluctantly opened his eyes to stare into the passion filled ones of his lover. “What’s the matter?” He wanted to move closer to him but Angel was resting his head on his arm.

“Nothing thought we could talk for a minute.”

A small smile caressed Spike’s face. “What about?”

A hand was drawn through his tumbled locks then down his back before caressing the cheek of his ass as Angel watched the movement of his hand before colliding with his eyes again.

“Are you more secure now? Since you have had Buffy?”

The voice was too low and too seductive. It was almost Angelus in tone and Spike pulled away from him.

“What do you mean?”

Angel laughed softly as he rolled over onto his back and held his arm toward him. “Come here. It’s still me. I know that you have been worried about being kicked out or being left out. I was just asking since the plan was consummated if you felt better about things.”

Reluctantly Spike came to him allowing himself to be pulled into Angel’s arms. He always felt safer here in these arms that had both been a hell and a sanctuary for him. It didn’t make sense but in the last month when he had been lost or lonely it was there that he wanted to go. Angel would take care of him and banish the demons he couldn’t see.

“I’m fine, Ang. I guess as long as I have my uses I’ll always be here.” Spike turned to kiss his Sire’s chest but found himself being pushed away.

Suddenly Angel was standing over him with anger on his face. “Get out, Spike.”

“What? Why?”

“If you don’t want to be in my bed then get out. I have told you over and over only if you want to. Do you think that you are the only one that gets hurt?”

It had never occurred to him or more likely he had never allowed what Angel might be feeling to really matter to him. The only time he had considered his Sire’s feelings was to manipulate the situation to secure a better place for him. The thought that he, Spike, the lowly Grand-Childe, might have the power to really hurt Angel had never crossed his mind. That Angel might actually care for him other than a sex toy or as a way to get his true love back was a bit overwhelming to him.

His brows furrowed as he looked up at the brunette. “Angel?”

Angel moved so quickly that he didn’t see him only found himself flat on his back with the older vampire pinning him to the bed as his mouth devoured his. There was so much hunger coming from his Sire that Spike wondered if he could truly satiate him this time. He gave as much as he could with his mouth and tongue as he maneuvered his legs out from under him so that he could wrap them around his torso.

The kiss was broken and as Angel pulled back Spike watched him switch to game face and he knew that Angel was going to mark him. A propriety thrill coursed through Spike as Angel moved to his throat and ground down against him. When the fangs didn’t break his skin only scrapped along his flesh, Spike felt alone and wondered why he wasn’t worthy.

“Do it, please,” Spike begged as he tried to pull his wrists free.

“No, not until you understand.”

Spike didn’t want to understand, not right now, later when he didn’t need release so much. He wiggled until he knew that he could do it and he flipped them so he was on top. Grinning down at his Sire he allowed himself to morph into his vamp face and proceeded to tease Angel with his own fangs. Scraping and scratching them along his neck, down his chest and stomach, where Angel shook his hands loose and lodged them in Spike’s hair.

“Spike, listen to me,” Angel begged as he pulled him up so they were face to face again.

Tired of trying to avoid the subject, Spike collapsed against the other vampire, allowing his body to mold against the other’s flesh. His fingers caressed Angel’s face, softly, slowly, dragging along the features until they rested against his lips.

“I know, Angel, I do, everything that I do to you and for you and how that makes you feel, so isn’t that obligation, too? We both have a million emotions for the other and it all comes down this.” His hand caressed the brunette’s erection through his slacks. “Quit trying to talk about it and let’s just play this as far as its going to go. All of it.”

Spike watched as Angel contemplated his words and when it looked like he was going to speak again, cut him off by pressing his mouth to his and undoing his pants. That gave him what he wanted as Angel flipped them again and there wasn’t room for anymore words. Because when it came down to it neither of them could really express the emotions that confused them except through this physical act.
~~~~~~~~~

By unspoken agreement Xander had been walked home first so that Willow and Buffy could have some time to talk alone. And Buffy was still waiting for the lecture.

“Go ahead, get it over with, Willow,” she prompted.

“What’s that? Oh, you mean me telling you that you are immature, selfish, naïve, rude, a bitch and an idiot for trusting Spike?”

“Yeah, that’s it. Thank you.”

“No problem. What are friends for?” Willow hesitated for a moment. “I missed you, Buffy. It was rough with you gone.”

“Will, I’m sorry for worrying you.”

“No, not that. I needed you. I’m into a whole new area of witchcraft. Oz and I were moving into this new part of our relationship. There are things that I can talk to Xander about and sex is definitely not one of them even if he feels that he can tell me everything in Technicolor detail.”

“I should have been here for you.”

The two friends stopped a moment to contemplate each other then Willow said softly, “Yeah you should have been.”

They reached toward each other and gave the other a hug to signify both the aloneness they had felt away from each other and that now they were there for each other again. When they broke apart, Willow grabbed Buffy’s hand as they continued in the direction of her house.

“Okay, now details. Did you like it? The sex with Spike, I mean? Do you feel different?” Willow asked with that mischievous grin that was pure her.

The questions coupled with the grin and Buffy knew things were going to be all right between them.

“Yeah, I liked it.” Buffy admitted shyly as they came to sit on the curb to finish their talk. Willow’s house was now only a block away and they wanted to finish before she had to go in. “Yes, I feel different and God, Willow, have you ever looked at Spike. The vamp is gorgeous and I hadn’t realized it until it was like offered but I have always been attracted to him.”

“Oh, vampire is of the definitely sexy kind especially when he’s holding a broken bottle to your face and threatening to have you.”

The silence was back and Buffy scrambled to find a way to break it and finally settled on, “He’s got a chance to change.”

“I know, Buffy, but sometimes it’s too much, you know.”

“I know.”

“Was he nice when you all did it or was he all big bad?”

“Sweet, definitely, sweet. He has this other side. He took care of me on the trip and was really nice to me.”

“Spike sweet? Okay, am going to need some more convincing on that but I’ll take your word for it.” Willow hesitated for a moment. “Did it hurt when you know?”

“Yeah, a little. I was so wishing that you were there to talk to and that I had asked a zillion questions about your first time. It hurt and it was…embarrassing.”

“I guess being naked with someone that you have always been enemies with could be embarrassing. Did his chip go off? I mean, it should have gone off if he hurt you?”

Buffy giggled as a memory washed over her. “Oh, Will, it was so funny. It’s that old thing of I can laugh now but couldn’t then. We talked it over and we were hoping that since it wasn’t pain he was intending but making me feel good that it wouldn’t go off. So, it’s like time and he’s…there, getting ready to and he’s repeating over and over ‘it’s gonna feel so good’, I’ve got my arms on the bed just in case he jumps off in pain and Angel is just looking from him to me wondering which one is going to be in pain. It was hilarious.”

Willow didn’t laugh or even smile at Buffy’s story and she leaned down to see if she could read her expression in the light of the street lamp.

“Angel was there? In bed with the two of you?”

“Yeah.”

“All three of you naked and doing it?”

The expression as Willow turned toward her was one of horror and fascination and Buffy knew with a sick feeling that the bond had been stretched or broken again.

“Yes, we were. Spike and I had sex. Not Angel and I.”

“It’s true then about Spike and Angel being bu...lovers?”

“You’ll have to ask them,” Buffy responded coldly as she looked straight ahead of her with her hands shoved between her knees.

“I’m sorry, Buffy, but this is a surprise. You’re Mom doesn’t know about this either. When Xander and I were over there earlier she said that you and Spike were together now. We just thought that you and Angel were more like friends not that all of you were sleeping together.”

“Well, we are. And I love Angel. I’m not just going to be his friend and like I said Spike’s been good to me.”

“Usually when someone is good to you, you bake them cookies or buy them a present not sleep with them.”

It was late and Buffy was tired. She had been defending her new life since this morning and all she wanted was to go home to them.

”Come on,” Buffy said as she stood and headed toward Willow’s house with her following. When they were in front of the house she laid a hand on her friend’s arm. “Do me a favor. The next full moon and you’re standing in front of Oz’s cage ask yourself how much you love him. Ask yourself if you really love that part of him, too and what would you do to hold onto him?”

~~~~~~~~~

As soon as Buffy walked into the house she could the growls, snarls and cries they were making. It almost sounded like Spike was in pain as he cried out Angel’s name and she carefully made her way toward the elder vampire’s bedroom. The door was wide open and from the living room she could see them and her eyes flew open as she registered what she was seeing.

Spike was sprawled facedown under Angel and he appeared to be attempting to crawl out from under him. Buffy almost went in to help him but she stopped as he begged Angel to ‘do it’. There was a wild primitive quality to Angel as he thrust into Spike and in fascination she watched as Angel pulled Spike’s head back by his hair and bit into the softness of his neck. Tears poured from Spike as he whispered a thank you and his hands kneaded the bed in pleasure.

Realizing that this was an intensely private moment Buffy turned and fled to the only place where she could, to Spike’s room and into Spike’s bed. She quickly stripped down to her bra and panties before crawling under the covers. She sighed as she inhaled Spike’s scent and tried to get herself to relax but it didn’t work. Sleep evaded her as she tossed and turned and the events of the day kept replaying in her mind. Buffy eventually gave up and made her way back downstairs trying to be as quiet as possible she peered into the bedroom and was relieved when they appeared to be sleeping.

She moved into the room and slid into the bed next to Spike, molding her body to his back and wrapping her arm around his waist.

“Why didn’t you stay?” he whispered.

“It looked kind of personal.”

“Was but we wouldn’t have told you to leave.”

“I know.”

Spike turned onto his back to look at her. His hand slowly caressed her arm as she readjusted to the new position. As she felt herself drifting off she felt his hand on her back undoing her bra and she pulled back enough to take it off. Knowing that her panties would be next she reached down and wiggled out of them before dropping them on the floor with her bra.

“More comfortable, Pet?”

“Yeah,” Buffy agreed. But it was more than being comfortable as her body responded to the hard contours that she was wrapped around. This was the first time since the night they had made love that they were completely naked together. “Do you still want me?”

“Why would you think that I wouldn’t want you?” Spike replied as he pulled her on top of him. His hands moved to her face, caressing her cheeks softly as she rested on her forearms above him.

“Because you haven’t tried to be with me since that night. Did you do it just to seal the deal?”

“You haven’t tried to either.” When she ducked her head shyly he continued. “It works both ways. Do you want me?”

“Yeah,” she whispered as her finger drew designs around his nipple.

“Now?”

Buffy shook her head. “No, not really, it’s been a long day and I’m tired.”

“It’s okay. It will work out. Things will fall into place but anytime that you want to let me know. Most likely I’m not going to turn you down.”

She giggled as she laid her head down his chest relaxing into his body as his hands moved to caress her back and bottom. “Me neither,” she finally whispered.

Spike laughed, “Is Buffy horny?”

“No, that is so, I don’t know.”

“If you want it you have to say it. Say that Buffy is horny.”

“Buffy horny,” she managed to spit out between giggles.

They both jumped as Angel moved beside them.

“Now that we have established that Buffy is horny can you shut up? Some of us in this bed are trying to sleep.”

Buffy only giggled more as Spike dumped her between them and proceeded to tickle her.

“Stop, please, I’m going to pee,” she said as she fought off his hands.

Spike leaned down to her ear and whispered, “Angel is ticklish.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Attack,” she yelled as she turned to Angel with her hands out and Spike crawled over her to participate in the ambush on the brunette.

“Don’t even think about it,” Angel commanded as they both attacked him anyway. The three of them ended their night in a mad game of tickles and laughter and caresses before they gave up in a draw of exhaustion. Snuggled between her vampires, Buffy ended her day with a feeling of euphoria and completion. It didn’t matter what anyone else thought. This was home now.

TBC