Chapter 29 – Purgatory
We will be the forgotten ones
They will shake their heads and pity us
We who sacrificed our sons and daughters
With the sweet taste of victory on our lips
They will cry, but their tears will come too late
There is no redemption for the ones
Who choose to walk in the shadows
Oh sweet redeemer will you save a place for me
I am tired and I’m seeking restitution
Oh will you heal me, will you take away my pain
What I’m looking for is absolution
Getting out of purgatory
Is no small accomplishment
And the price is high
And it comes with its own set of conditions
The choice is never clear and difficult to make
But it will not change them
They will just go on the way they always have
Pat Benatar
It was all going to unravel
in a moment. Emotions were running high. Everyone was reacting instead of
thinking. Being a Watcher meant control. Being in control of his charges, of the
how the battles were fought and most of all keeping his own feelings in the
background. In this case that training would serve him well. Giles stepped
forward.
“Spike, please take Buffy
back to the clinic,” he instructed firmly. “She doesn’t need to be dealing with
this right now.”
Thankful that Spike only
nodded his agreement, Giles waited until the couple turned the corner before
turning his attention to the Slayers. For a moment he let his gaze wander over
them, making eye contact when he could, and noting the ones that avoided that
intimacy. There were a few that straddled the fence between good and bad but none
that really took their rebellion too far. Well, that was the case until this
night anyway.
“Buffy is right,” Giles
started. “But it’s not just you that have become arrogant and lax. We all have.
The fight with the First has left us feeling invincible. But we’re not. Already
we know there is something else coming.” He pulled his glasses off as he paced
across the steps. How much should he say? They didn’t know what they were
fighting yet or how bad it would be. He sighed and looked out over them again. “We
are horribly unprepared for any battle…small or large. When I look at you, I
don’t see the unity that should be there. There is no standard to hold you
responsible for your actions to not only yourself but to each other as well.
Instead of pushing each other to do better, you encourage your fellow Slayers
into a lifestyle that will only lead to trouble. Tomorrow morning,
The response was what he
expected. A mixture of groans and muttered arguments, but no one was brave
enough to openly challenge the order. They knew it wouldn’t do any good. The
line had been crossed and punishments had to be doled out. If they wanted to be
a part of this institution then they would have to accept it with some grace.
Angel stepped forward and
leaned toward Giles. “May I say something?”
“Is it necessary?” Giles
asked. It was a rare request. Maybe he should have realized that Angel wouldn’t
have asked unless it was important. But a part of him would never trust this
vampire and the less contact he had with the Slayers the better Giles felt.
“Yes,” was all Angel said in
reply.
Unless Giles wanted it to
appear there was a division among their leaders, he had no choice but to let
Angel address the Slayers. With as much support as he could, Giles stepped
back.
“There will be a meeting as
to what further punishment and changes will take place around here,” Angel
said. “We have conducted this school with the opinion that you knew the
difference between right and wrong. We were mistaken in that belief. Some of
the activities that I’ve heard about are not only ethically wrong but also
illegal. This could lead to me or any of the people in charge here in deep trouble
with the law. One of these things that I’ve learned about is the use of fake
IDs to obtain entrance into clubs for the purpose of drinking. Anyone caught
with one of these will face expulsion. If you choose to turn yours in and any
other illegal substances, you will be given a second chance. Am I clear?”
Giles watched the reaction
among the girls. The majority of them murmured agreements that would be enough
to satisfy the adults that they were listening. Yet there wasn’t enough to lay
blame on any one girl. But yet there was panic on a few faces. Giles committed
their names to memory for further interrogation in a private meeting.
Angel stepped back and Giles
turned to Faith and Max. “Is there anything the two of you would like to add at
this time?”
“I would,” Max said. He
nodded first to Giles and Angel then turned to the girls. “I think at this time
that it would be best to give the Blood’s our support anyway we can. Buffy and
Spike’s priority is Raven and shouldn’t have to worry with other problems that
can be addressed later. For those that want to help them out, let us know and
we’ll figure out the best way for you to do that.”
Once Max was finished, Giles
looked to Faith who shook her head about wanting to add anything else. He made
a mental note to speak with her because she seemed to be struggling herself.
“At this time you are
dismissed. Don’t forget
~~~~~~~~
Buffy drew her legs up
toward her and wrapped her arms around them. She was unraveling from everything
she’d gone through since the first inkling of Raven being in trouble. Not only
was she dealing with her own tangled emotions but also his and Raven’s. Spike
sat beside her, handing her the cup of water she’d requested. He would walk to
the moon and back if it would make her or their daughter better. Focusing on
Buffy was helping him to push back his own feelings regarding the whole matter.
There was nothing he could do at the moment but be there for them.
“Thank you,” Buffy murmured,
handing him back the empty cup. With a sigh she leaned into his open arms. “I
love you.”
“I love you, too.”
It was understood that they
didn’t need to speak the other words. The ones that said they wouldn’t leave
this room until they knew just how their daughter was going to be, if not
emotionally, then physically. And there would be a time to speak of retribution
against the man who hurt Raven and the ones who by their inactions allowed it
to happen. There would be time later for them to deal with it. Now they needed
to concentrate on each other and Raven.
It was a source of confusion
for Spike as to what had made Raven unravel so fast. He knew her feelings for
Connor was more of a hero worship crush than a mature love. Yet, for her to not
only try to seduce Wesley but to also get drunk after sneaking out was totally
unlike the girl they had spent the last couple of years with. Maybe the Raven
they first knew but not the one who had taken the duty of being a slayer with
such seriousness.
His absence from the family
contributed to the problem. That he knew. Everyone was having problems dealing
with the changes. From Journey all the way up to Buffy. Even if she wouldn’t
say so. Sometimes it felt like vines were growing between them, except they
were ones that grew thorns that dug into his skin. Buffy needed him with her.
She wouldn’t admit it. Guilt filled him. But as he opened his mouth to tell her
he was coming home, Kate entered the room.
“Spike, Buffy?” Kate said.
“Is she okay?” Buffy asked,
pulling away from Spike and sitting up. “Did something change?”
“No, she’s still sleeping,”
Kate hastened to reassure them. She took a seat on the chair next to the couch.
“Her vitals are strong so at this point I think she just needs to sleep off the
effects of the alcohol and rophynol.”
“I…I asked you earlier,”
Buffy started, but she stopped to stare at her hands. She twisted them in the
way she always did when she was upset. It took her a moment to compose herself
again. Spike rubbed her back while she reined back the tears that were threatening
her composure. Finally she looked back up at them. “What did that bastard do to
her?”
“Buffy,” Kate said, reaching
over to cover Buffy’s hands with her own. “I performed a full examination of
her. There was no sign of penetration…either vaginally or anally. There is
bruising on her inner thighs, breasts and several bite marks on her throat and
shoulders. And before you ask they were normal human teeth imprints.”
Although he hadn’t seen any
evidence of the act being completed, it was still a relief to hear that Raven
had been spared from that final humiliation. Spike still wanted the bastard’s blood
to be spilled. It was something that he couldn’t let go unpunished. Or even let
the law handle. This was personal. This was his daughter. It was up to him as
the alpha male to handle it.
“Even if you weren’t enough of a father to get to her in time,”
Spike told himself as the guilt tore at his heart.
“Did she say anything to
you?” Buffy asked, pulling Spike from his thoughts of revenge.
“Not a lot,” Kate said,
shaking her head. “She was too out of it to really be able to comprehend
anything. And it’s like I told her when you were there. The toxins in her
system would only magnify her emotional state. It’s best for her not to think
about it until she has a clear head.”
Buffy nodded. “Thanks Kate,
I really appreciate you being here.”
“I’m going to get the two of
you some blankets and pillows,” Kate said, standing. “Then I’m going to check
on Raven before I head upstairs to check on my own family.”
In a few minutes they were
alone again. Spike lay down on the couch, letting Buffy settle against him
before tucking them under the blanket. He didn’t really think that either of
them would sleep but this way they could hold each other. It was what he really
needed anyway. Buffy’s strength. Things had certainly changed over the years.
Once he was the one who held them together. But now she took care of him as
much as he did of her. It felt good. Like a partnership. It was why he needed
to return home. So, they could hold not only each up but let their bond strengthen
their family.
“Thank you,” Buffy said. Her
fingers drifted along his side. “For finding her for me…for us. I was so
scared.”
“Me, too,” Spike whispered.
“I’ve only felt that kind of horrified fear for one other person…Dawn.”
“Yeah, I remember,” Buffy
replied with a small chuckle. “Halloween night and she decides to take off with
a vampire. Damn, you would have thought that girl would have a vamp radar or
something.”
“What is with you women?”
Spike asked. “You get your ego bruised so you have to run off and do something
stupid that doesn’t really make you look good.”
“Men,” Buffy said, turning
her face up to kiss his chin. “You make us crazy.”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever you
say, Slayer.”
“I’ll be happy when this
part of our life is over,” Buffy whispered. “I never want to be separated from
you again.”
“What’s coming, Buffy? What
do you see in that crystal ball of yours?”
His fingers crossed, praying
she wouldn’t lie to him or put him off.
“The end of you, then us,
and finally of the world.”
Spike closed his eyes. She
gave him his freedom because it would be his choice. His responsibility if
everything fell apart. He needed to decide where his loyalties lay. His
weaknesses taunted him and for the first time in forever it was Donna on his
mind when he went to sleep.
But he dreamed of Dylan.
~~~~~~~~
Journey opened her eyes. She
blinked back the darkness, trying to find something that was familiar. She
smelled the tang of the ocean, saw the outlines of the furniture, smelt her
father’s essence surrounding her and could hear the waves crashing on the
shore. Along with a softer sound. Breathing…labored breathing. She scrambled
from the bed to investigate.
Mummy and Daddy weren’t back
yet, she realized as she woke up a little more. Raven had to be hurt bad if
they were still gone. No one had paid attention to her when Mummy kept hurting.
She heard all the talk. It confused her. All she did know was that Raven was in
trouble and her parents had gone to find her. She hoped her sister was okay.
The whole house was dark and
it made her hesitate. The darkness held bad things. Everyone knew that. Daddy
always left lights along the halls at home so she could always see what was
there. Not here. She lifted her head and sniffed the air. It was just like in
the bedroom. The scent of her family lingered in the air. The soap and the
cologne they used couldn’t mask the individual aroma that each one carried. It
wasn’t strong enough for them to be there. It was only a ghost of the true
essence. She sorted through the olfactory input to identify who was home. In
the house was Cordelia, Molly and something else besides her.
Journey’s eyes opened wide
as a shadow danced across the living room wall. A gasp from Angel’s room made
her break contact with whatever it was. She took off at a breakneck speed to
the master bedroom. Not stopping to knock, she darted inside, and closed the
door behind her. Her breathing was almost a pant and her little heart was
pounding in her chest. Whatever was out there was scarier than the First had
ever been. She knew it hadn’t come for her. It was there for Cordelia.
“Joy,” Cordelia called.
“Cordy.”
Journey approached the bed
and the feeble hand reaching for her. She wrapped her small hands around it.
“You okay?” Joy asked.
Fear overwhelmed her. She
didn’t want to be alone with Cordelia if she died. She was a little girl. What
could she do? She’d seen shots being given to her aunt. There was a whole bunch
of medicines on the table, but she didn’t know what was what. She wasn’t even
supposed to be in this room.
“Yeah,” Cordy said. She gave
a weak squeeze to the hands holding hers. “Is Molly still here?”
“She’s sleeping on the
couch,” Journey said, looking over her shoulder. “There’s something else…out
there.”
“It won’t hurt you, baby.
It’s waiting for me to give up.”
“I don’t want you to give
up,” Journey said.
“It’s not time,” Cordelia
said. “Not tonight anyway. Do you want to sleep with me until they get home?”
Journey didn’t give a reply.
She climbed up into the bed, being careful not to hurt Cordelia with any of her
movements. Her Angel had told Daddy that Cordy was so thin that there wasn’t
any padding to protect her from pain. Joy settled onto Angel’s side of the bed
while Cordy pulled the covers over her.
“Thank you,” Joy said. “Are
you scared, too?”
“Sometimes I am.” Cordy
said. She smiled. “I won’t hurt anymore when it’s over though.”
“Oh.” It took a moment for
Joy to process that information. Death was nothing new to her. She’d seen it
several times. In battles mostly, once in the bathroom upstairs at home but
none of them wanted to die. Those were deaths caused by the First. Because he
was stronger than they were. For Cordelia to welcome it because it would
relieve her suffering was something she hadn’t considered.
“But Angel will miss you and
so, will I.”
“I know,” Cordelia said,
brushing back Joy’s hair. “I’ll miss you both. But I know you’ll take care of
each other so you won’t be alone.”
Journey nodded with enthusiasm.
“I’ll take care of my Angel.”
“Now remember,” Cordelia
said. “Angel gets all broody and you’ll need to kick him in the butt to get him
out of it. He also likes to make decisions on his own because he thinks he
needs to be in control. Grab him by the ear and tell him he needs to talk to
people. And mostly he needs to be reminded that he’s okay. He doesn’t need to
be perfect and all he can do is the best that he can. And that’s enough.”
The first two pieces of
advice made Joy giggle. The last one made her nod her head in solemn agreement.
It was like with Daddy. The two vampires both felt they owed the world
everything they had. Sometimes forgetting they couldn’t fix it all.
“I’ll remember,” Journey
promised.
Journey yawned, cuddling
closer to Cordelia. Everything was okay and she didn’t have to be scared. Not yet
anyway.
to be continued…
