My
Old Man Said Follow The Van
Charles Collins / Fred W.
Leigh
We had to
move away 'Cos the rent we couldn't pay.
The moving van came round just after
dark.
There was me and my old man, shoving things inside the van,
Which we'd
often done before, let me remark.
We packed all that could be packed In the van,
and that's a fact
And we got inside all that we could get inside.
Then we
packed all we could pack On the tailboard at the back
Till there wasn't any
room for me to ride.
Refrain: My old man said: "Foller the van, And don't
dilly-dally on the way"
Off went the van wiv me 'ome packed in it.
I
walked be'ind wiv me old cock linnet.
But I dillied and dallied, Dallied and dillied;
Lost me way and don't know where to roam.
And you can't trust a
"Special" Like the old-time copper
When you can't find your way home.
I gave a helping hand With the marble wash hand-stand,
And straight, we wasn't
getting on so bad.
All at once, the car-man bloke Had an accident and broke,
Well, the nicest bit of china that we had.
You'll understand, of course, I was
cross about the loss.
Same as any other human woman would.
But I soon got over
that, What with "two out" and a chat, '
Cos it's little things like
that what does you good.
Refrain:
Oh! I'm in such a mess. I don't know the new
address
Don't even know the blessed neighbourhood.
And I feel as if I might
Have to stay out here all night.
And that ain't a goin' to do me any good.
I
don't make no complaint But I'm coming over faint,
What I want now's a good
substantial feed,
And I sort 'o kind 'o feel, If I don't soon have a meal,
I
shall have to rob the linnet of its seed!
Refrain:
http://lyricsplayground.com/alpha/songs/d/dontdillydallymyoldman.shtml
My Old Man's a Dustman
Lonnie
Donegan
Now here's a little story To tell it is a must
About an unsung hero That
moves away your dust.
Some people make a fortune, Others earn a mint;
My old man
don't earn much: In fact he's flippin' skint.
Oh, my old man's a dustman, He
wears a dustman's hat,
He wears cor-blimey trousers And he lives in a council
flat.
He looks a proper nana In his great big hobnail boots,
He's got such a job
to pull them up That he calls 'em daisy roots.
Some folks give tips at
Christmas, And some of them forget,
So when he picks their bins up He spills
some on the step.
Now one old man got nasty And to the council wrote,
Next time
my old man went round there He punched him up the throat.
Oh my old man's a
dustman, He wears a dustman's hat,
He wears cor-blimey trousers And he lives in
a council flat.
Lonnie: I say, I say, Les. Les: Yes? Lonnie: I, er, I found a
police dog in my dustbin.
Les: Well how do you do know he's a police dog?
Lonnie: He had a policeman with him.
Though my old man's a dustman, He's got an
'eart of gold,
He got married recently Though he's eighty-six years old.
We said
"'Ere, hang on, Dad, You're getting past your prime";
He said
"Well, when you get to my age It helps to pass the time."
Oi! My old
man's a dustman, He wears a dustman's hat,
He wears cor-blimey trousers And he
lives in a council flat.
Lonnie: I say, I say, I say! Les: Huh? Lonnie: My
dustbin's full of lilies.
Les: Well throw 'em away then! Lonnie: I can't: Lily's
wearing them.
Now one day whilst in a hurry, He missed a lady's bin:
He hadn't
gone but a few yards When she chased after him.
"What game do you think
you're playing?" She cried right from the 'eart,
"You've missed me, am
I too late?" "No, jump up on the cart!"
Oi! My old man's a
dustman, He wears a dustman's hat,
He wears cor-blimey trousers And he lives in
a council flat.
Lonnie: I say, I say, I say! Les: Not you again! Lonnie: My
dustbin's absolutely full with toadstools.
Les: How do you know it's full?
Lonnie: 'Cos there's not mushroom inside.
He found a tiger's head one day Nailed
to a piece of wood
The tiger looked like miserable, But I suppose he should.
Just then from out a window A voice began to wail,
It said "Oi! Where's me
tiger's head?" "Four foot from his tail."
Oh my old man's a
dustman, He wears a dustman's hat,
He wears cor-blimey trousers And he lives in
a council flat.
Next time you see a dustman Looking all pale and sad,
Don't kick
him in the dustbin: It might be my old dad.
http://www.elyrics.net/go/l/Lonnie%20Donegan%20Lyrics/My%20Old%20Man's%20A%20Dustman%20Lyrics
Show Me The Way To Go
Home
Irving King
Show me the way to go home
I'm tired and I want to go to bed
I had a little drink about an hour ago
And it went right to my head
Where ever I may roam
On land or sea or foam
You will always hear me singing this song
Show me the way to go home
/ D - - - / G - D - / D - - - / A - - - / 1st, 2nd, 3rd / A - D - /
Indicate the way to my abode
I'm fatigued and I want to retire
I had a spot of beverage sixty minutes ago
And it went right to my cerebellum
Where ever I may perambulate
On land, or sea or atmospheric vapor
You can always hear me crooning the melody
Indicate the way to my abode
http://www.guntheranderson.com/v/data/showmeth.htm
I Must Go Home Tonight
Jones was a fellow who went the pace with all his youthful might
He took a great delight, in staying out all night
While others were thinking of going to bed, around 'The West' he'd roam
He'd go to pubs and go to clubs but never would go home
But one night inside the pub he gave his pals a fright
When he said "I'm going home" and bid them all goodnight
But Jones looked very serious as he shouted to the crowd"
Chorus
Oh I must go home tonight
I must go home tonight
I don't care if its snowing, blowing, I'm going
I only got married this morning and it fills me with delight
I'll stop out as long as you like next week
But I must go home tonight.
Of to the station he made a dash to ask about the train
To take him home again, but he asked all in vain
They said there's none running at all tonight to where you want to go
All service is suspended for the lines blocked up with snow.
He walked up and down the platform, anything but gay
Said he "I would walk home if I only knew the way"
A porter said you'll have to wait till morning I'm afraid
But Jones said That's impossible, I cannot be delayed.
Out of the station he made a leap and on the street did land
He yelled and waved his hand, for a taxi off the stand
He gave his address to the driver and in confidence agreed
To pay him half a sovereign if he put on extra speed
But BANG went the taxi for the speed was far to high
Said Jones "I don't live up here" as he shot up in the sky
He landed on the pavement and a policeman to him said
We can take you to a hospital as he feebly raised his head.
http://www.mudcat.org/thread.cfm?threadid=51585&messages=8
Be Kind to Your Web-Footed
Friends
Fred Allen
Be kind to your web-footed friends,
For the duck may be somebody's mother:
Be kind to the denizens of the swamp.
Where the weather is cool and damp
Be kind to your old umbrella,
For some day it may be under the weather,
Be kind to your old pair of shoes.
Be kind to your fur-bearing friends,
For a skunk may be somebody's brother-;
Be kind to your friends with the stripe.
@animal
Printed in Song Fest by Dick and Beth Best
tune: Stars and Stripes Forever
http://www.mudcat.org/@displaysong.cfm?SongID=546
A Mother's Lament
A
mother was washing her baby one night
The youngest of twelve and a delicate mite
The mother was poor and the baby was thin
He was nowt but a Skellington covered in ski-in
The mother turned round for the soap off the rack
She was only a moment but when she turned back
Her baby had gorn, and in anguish she cried "Oh where has my baby gorn?"
The Angels repli-hied
Yor baby has gone down the plug hole, yor baby has gorn down the plug
The poor little thing was so skinny and thin
He should have been washed in a jug
Your baby is perfickly happy
He won't need a bath any more
He's splashing about with the angels above
Not lost but gone before
The Fairy Song
I would be a fairy if
I could
Fed on dew and living
in a wood
For fairies have a
pair of magic wings
Wings are always
useful things
Playing at a game of
hide and seek
You would never find
them in a week
But when you make a
wish they bring it true
All is good that
fairies do
Late
in the night when stars peep out
And fireflies toss
their lights about
We little goblins,
elves and felves
In dance and song
enjoy ourselves
But when we hear the
voice of chanters clear
All the little fairy
folk disappear
Every one a tiptoe,
steals away
Here's the day, so
goodbye, off they fly.
