Mothers of Angels is a safe
haven where mothers who have lost children can share their pain, be
comforted, share memories of their children with other mothers who can
relate to their loss and be assured that what gets said in the group,
stays in the group. We encourage all mothers who have lost a child to
join us whether to be comforted or to comfort others.
If you would like to be
part of Mothers of Angels.
please contact us by email.
Join us on any Tuesday at 7:00 P.M. in the fellowship hall
of Wise Drive Baptist Church in Sumter, South Carolina.
If you are a mother
who walks in our shoes,
or you know a mother
who has lost a child,
please, come meet with us,
or email us and a mother
who understands will get in touch.
To assist Mothers of Angels with printing and mailing expenses,
you may make donations to:
Drive Baptist Church
2751 S. Wise Drive
Sumter, SC 29150
(Write in the memo section of your check, "Mothers of
Things That We Have Learned and Experienced
will never be the same person as before our loss.
are no set-in-concrete stages or timelines in grief.
is typical to feel almost numb for the first few months. When that
numbness lifts, it can be very frightening.
of the feelings as a wave and
ride it out.
is no "normal" in grieving.
a child is "out of order."
people will not understand your grief unless you share it.
is okay to talk about your child for as long as you want.
is okay to keep their belongings for as long as you want.
is okay to include remembering your lost child in celebrations and
special occasions for as
is very normal to fear that you are "going crazy."
may lose old friends who don’t seem to understand our pain and grief.
support people so that you can continue to talk about your child. This
is necessary for you to get a balance with your memories.
to and being with other bereaved mothers is extremely helpful.
can gain new friends through support groups with members who have also
experienced the death of a child and therefore understand our feelings.
Waits. If you put it away and try to
ignore it, it will simply wait until you have no choice but to
grieve as intensely as we love.
"closure" is not a requirement of healing. For parents, it is not even
parents do not ever “get over” the death of their children nor can we
just “snap out of it” as the outside world seems to think we can and
have a right to your emotions. Your emotions are simply yours.
There is no perfect way to grieve.
- We have learned that
we must acknowledge our anxieties. If we admit to their
presence, they will eventually leave--but only if you don't run from
must make a conscious decision to "get better."
have to discover a “new normal” for ourselves and our families in a
world that no longer includes our beloved children.
we may feel overwhelmed and out of control, we can still have the
deep inner peace that comes from God alone.
time will come when we will smile and find joy again.
in death . . . love remains.
and Don'ts for Helping Someone
the Loss of Their Child
- Do let your genuine concern and care show.
- Do be available: to listen, to help with other children, or
whatever else seems needed at the time.
- Do say you are sorry about what happened to their child and
about the pain they are experiencing.
- Do allow them to express as much grief as they are feeling
at the moment and are willing to share.
- Do encourage them to be patient with themselves, not to
expect too much
of themselves, and not to impose any "SHOULDS" on themselves.
- Do say, "I'm here. Call me any time of the day or night.
I'll cry with you,
I'll listen to you and I'll even laugh with you. I'll always have
- Do give special attention to the
and sisters, at the funeral and in the months to come. They too are
hurt and confused and in need of attention which their parents may not
be able to give them at the time
- Do reassure them that the medical care their child received
best possible, and/or be positive about anything else you know to be
true and positive about the care given their now-deceased child.
- Do help them to remember by saying something like, "Wasn't
it a year ago that you lost your child? How about we go for a
walk or out to lunch. I'll alwasy remember this day next year and the
- Don't let your own sense of helplessness keep you from
reaching out to a bereaved parent.
- Don't avoid them because you are uncomfortable.Being avoided
adds pain to an already intolerable and painful experience.
- Don't say you know how they feel, unless you've lost a child
yourself, you don't know how they feel.
- Don't say "You ought to be feeling better by now," or
anything else that implies a judgment about their feelings.
- Don't change the subject when they mention their child.
- Don't avoid mentioning the child's name for fear of
reminding them of their pain. They haven't forgotten it for a moment.
- Don't try to find something positive about the child's death.
- Don't point out that at least they have another child or
Children are not interchangeable! They cannot replace each other.
- Don't say that they can have another child. Even if they
wanted to, another child would not replace the child they have lost.
- Don't make any comments which in any way suggest that the
care in the
home, or in the emergency room, hospital, or wherever, was
inadequate. Parents are plagued by feelings of doubt and guilt without
any help from their family or friends.
Sumter, South Carolina