The real world continues
(they guys woke up from they’re rare yet fulfilling sleep in New York City)
JUSTIN: Another day another dump, weez gots to pick better venues next tour.
CHRIS: I know dude! Thank God this is the last show!
JOEY: There’s nothing wrong with this place. Once you get pass all the shit on the street I'd say it’s pretty damn nifty. Just look! There’s a McDonalds, a Taco Bell, and a KFC on the same block.
(Then reaches into a paper bag and pulled out an old moldy grilled cheese sandwich)
(Justin and Chris look at each other and just shake their heads)
CHRIS: Dude!
JUSTIN: Dats nasty dawg, where da fuck dug dat up!
JOEY: There nothing wrong with this sandwich, it’s perfectly fresh.
(Lance steps off the bus)
LANCE: What the heck is that stench.
CHRIS: Dude don’t look at me.
(Chris points to Joey)
JUSTIN (bouncing a ball): I wonda if deers a court ‘round hea
LANCE: Yeah man you need to go work on your game.
(Justin glares at Lance)
JUSTIN: Lance whys you wanna start shit wid me today! I see you likes gitten yo ass beat!
CHRIS: English! dude speak English!
(Justin flips Chris off)
CHRIS: Up your own dude!
(JC steps off the bus)
JC: What a beautiful day, I think I'll go for a walk *coughseemydealercough*.
JUSTIN: I'ma shoot me some hoops.
JOEY: I have a meeting today, oops I mean I'm going for a walk too.
CHRIS: Meeting? What's going on Joey?
LANCE:(to camera)We'll just have to keep an eye on him, now won't we.
The camera nods in agreeance.
JOEY: I said walk damn it!
CHRIS: Geez dude you didn’t have to yell at me!
JC: Joey apologize to Chris, you know he’s sensitive.
JOEY: Sorry Chris, I’ll do it the next time.
JUSTIN: I’m outta here! Imma see if I can find me a court.
LANCE: I think I’m gonna call my mommy.
JUSTIN: Hahahaha Momma’s boy
LANCE: Well at least I don’t have mine on tour with me.
CHRIS: Should I pull up a chair for this fight?
JC: There isn’t gonna be any fighting, Lance go call your mother, Justin, take Lonnie and go, there’s a court around the corner.
JUSTIN: Whys a gatta takes me a guard?
CHRIS: Do you wanna live to see tomorrow?
JUSTIN: Yes
CHRIS: Then you just listen to him ok dude, trust me on that, have I ever steered you wrong?
JUSTIN: Well, deer wuz dis one time when….(interrupted by Chris)
CHRIS: My point exactly! Just do it and go
JC: Look! We’ll all meet back here around 1 for sound check ok?
(Justin walks off with a body guard behind him)
JOEY: Does anyone knows the number to call a cab?
CHRIS: Why do you need a cab, I thought you were going for a walk?
JOEY: Uuuuh I do, just tell me the number.
CHRIS: Dude what’s going on?
JOEY: Nothing! I’m going for a walk.
(Joey storms out and decides to hail a cab himself, leaving Chris standing by the door of the bus in amazement)
CHRIS (to the camera): I think we need to go get something to eat.
Camera fades and reappears with a tearful Lance in the confessional talking to his mom.
LANCE: : But mom, I can’t take this anymore. I’ve done everything to gain respect from the little twirp and he still has none for me. I don’t know what I’ve done to him for him to be treating me like that. I'm used to having only friends around me. Mom, I just want to come home. I don’t think this is the life for me.
LANCE’S MOM: (in a southern voice) Honey, stop the crying. You room with the guy. Why don’t you approach him and have a serious talk about your friendship since it means so much to you. We’ve talked about you being in the band and you made the commitment so you’re going to have to stay in there. It’ll work out honey, just give it some time.
LANCE: You’re right mom, you always knows how to make me feel better.
LANCE’s MOM: That’s my big boy, now go out there and make me proud, I love you sweetheart.
LANCE: I love you too mommy.
(lance hangs up the phone and dries his tears)
LANCE: Looks into the camera, I know I can always depend on my mom to make me feel better. Do ya'll see where Justin went?
(Fades away and reappears with Justin playing hoops and Lance strolling closer to him)
LANCE: Hey Bro. can we talk?
JUSTIN: Sure bro come holla at me ova heah! What's it dis time, I told ya befo' don't stop wiping till ders no more brown den yo ass won't ich az much.
LANCE: Dude I'm being serious.
(Turns to the camera and ask can you give us some privacy please...camera fades to just the court but their mikes were still on...ooops)
JUSTIN: I'm sorry ya know ah likes to fuck witcha.
LANCE: Whateva, here's the situation dawg. Do yous got any respect fo me dawg? I feelz like ya don't want me in heah; like you scared shitless of meh dawg. My momma sayz i should axe you bout dat. Geez can we speak english here? My mind is fucked right now wit all dis chit-chat.
JUSTIN: Hellz nah man....I mean sure buddy it's just me and you here no one's gonna know about this right.
LANCE: Justin what's up with you always dissin on me like that, I thought we were buddies.
JUSTIN: Dude, I'm gonna be real with you. You see the fans are starting to like everyone a little more, and mostly you. I don't know how you do it but they're strikingly attracted to you and yet you don't sing at all. The last show we did, I know you did some songs but it just feels like you're stealing something that I have always had. You've got the brains and I've got the looks, girls scream at my body and they look at you and just melt. (burst into tears) I don't have anything else but my looks. I'm all style and no substance. I want some SUBSTANCE. I WANT SOME SUBSTANCE! But You got all of itttttttttttt. (starts crying even harder).
(Camera returns to see Justin grabbing on the Lance's shirt just bawling, Lance standing there looking "like oookkkkk he's got issues")
LANCE: (whispering) dude, dude the camera crew is back.... Dude....Dude......dude the camera crew is back...dude....
(Justin continues cryin)
LANCE: (Yells) DUDE! The camera crew is back, dude! Get offa me man!
JUSTIN: (looking up seeing the camera) OOOH my contacts is soooo hurting...oooouuuuccchhh!!!!
LANCE: About what we were talking about, how about I teach you the ways?
JUSTIN: And what am i given ya homie.
LANCE: Some respect.
JUSTIN: hmmmm deal!
LANCE: Aight den, first things first though dude, you gotta lose the ghetto style, it don't work anymore. You can be a little ghetto but not too much.
JUSTIN: NOOO not my ghetto, anything butz ma ghetto stylez.
LANCE: Sorry dude it's gotta go..deals' a deal.
JUSTIN (whimpering): Fine!
(they both start walking back to the bus..camera fades into a building in downtown NYC where Joey is meeting with a doctor)
DOC: Well Mr. Fatone once again you've escaped fatherhood.
JOEY: Really? I didn't know it was trying to catch me.
DOC: Mr. Fatone, focus please. This isn't the first time, Mr. Fatone, and since you're not looking to have children anytime soon...i suggest you store some sperm samples and have vasectomy.
JOEY: What's a vaaa...sacc...ton...me...? Is that how much i weigh doc?
DOC: We stop your Little Joey swimmers from escaping.
JOEY: Ohhh, but what if they don't want to stay, I think they should be allowed to go.
DOC: It's only a suggestion, how do you fellow mates put up with you.
JOEY: I dunno, you should ask them that question.
DOC: Look Joey you need to be more careful and start protecting yourself better.
JOEY: But I did what you said the last time doc...I wore "the shrink wrap".
DOC: You wore a condom?
JOEY: Condom? Who said anything about condom..you said I should wear shrink wrap.
(Joey looks at the doctor puzzled)
DOC: (in frustration) A CONDOM, STUPID! SHRINK WRAP IS FOR COOKING!!
JOEY: Oooh, food. I am feeling a bit hungry, you know!
DOC: I think I need to find a cure for stupidity. Would you like to be my test dummy... dummy?
JOEY: Really? I can be a test dummy-dummy?
DOC: Oook, that's enough of our meeting. Thanks for coming and call me if you ever get a disease.
JOEY: Ok, I'll call you tomorrow then, doc.
(Doctor gives the camera a blank stare)
DOC: I need a new profession.
(Camera fades to find Chris in a Taco Bell trying to order some food.)
GIRL AT THE COUNTER: I'm sorry, but the homeless shelter is right down the street.
(Chris looking behind him and beside him to see if she was really talking to him)
CHRIS: Are you talking to me?
GIRL: I'm sorry, I just assumed you were a bum.
CHRIS: Why do i get that all the time? It's not like a stink. I got a college degree, you know!
GIRL: If you say so.... Can I take your order?
CHRIS: I'm serious! I'll show you!
GIRL: Sir, that's not necessary.
CHRIS: I'm a millionaire! I've got money in my pocket! (reaches into his pocket to get his wallet, but can't find it)
GIRL: Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to not shout at me.
CHRIS: I'm not shouting!
GIRL: Sir, one more outburst and then I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
CHRIS: (looking into the camera) You believe this chick? Fuck it, I'm not even hungry anymore. (Chris walks out of the Taco Bell mumbling to himself)
(Camera fades and reappears with Joey exiting a cab and paying the driver)
JOEY: Two Hundred right?
CAB DRIVER: Yes that's $200.00
JOEY: (hands the cab driver 2 crisp one hundred dollar bills) Thanx for getting me here so fast.
CAB DRIVER: (driving off yelling) Ok Thanks again you stupid asshole.
JOEY: What? I didn't hear what you say!
(Joey starts running after the taxi and never caught up. Finally stops and turns around to see Chris walking mumbling to himself.)
JOEY: (excited!) Hey CK guess what I ....(Chris cuts him short)?
CHRIS (walks by fast): Go fuck yourself....Dick!
JOEY: I tried to do that last night but...(interrupted again)
CHRIS: You know Joey you gotta be the most stupid person I've ever met. You're a sex maniac who thinks girls want you for you you you you you stupid fuck! Look! I don't wanna hear what you have to say I'm hungry! the stupid girl at taco bell thinks I'm a bum! and I'm short...(Joey starts laughing)
JOEY: Dude what does being short got anything to do with this?
CHRIS:(looking puzzle) I don't know I just wanted to say that.
JOEY: Hey you know something I'm hungry let's go get something to eat, my treat.
CHRIS: (happily) Cool! just answer me this one thing! Why were you chasing a cab!
(they started walking)
JOEY: Oh the cabby was saying something and I didn't hear him so i was trying to stop him so i could ask him what he said but that didn't work out too well. After my third pace i was too tired so i stopped, but he got my to where I was going fast enough...it only took him 2 minutes....oh that's what I wanted to tell you, the doctor said it's not mine.
CHRIS: What's not yours?
JOEY: The kid!
CHRIS: The kid I told you about.
JOEY: I told you about when you were sleeping two nights ago.
CHRIS: (sarastic) OH that kid story (yelling) I SLEPT RIGHT THROUGH!
JOEY: I didn't notice.
CHRIS: So where was the Dr. Office
JOEY: It was on 43rd street.
CHRIS (looking up to see the street name realizing they are standing at 43rd street) How much did you pay that cab?
JOEY: Two hundred bucks!
CHRIS: Dude!
JOEY: Hey look there's the doctor, hey there's the office..(Joey waving frantically and screaming at the doc as he is walking to his car)...HEY DOC! HEY DOC!
(the doc hurried in his car and pretended he didn't hear Joey)
JOEY: I guess he didn't hear me!
CHRIS: Riiigggghhtttt
JOEY (squinting his eyes) Hey isn't that Josh up there?
CHRIS: Where?
JOEY: There! (pointin)
CHRIS: Joey that's only a broomstick up against the wall
JOEY: But but it moved
CHRIS: (looking harder) waaiiit that is JC..who is that guy he's with?
JOEY: See I told you.
(They both take off running towards JC...camera fades)
LANCE: On the next Real World:
JC: Come on maan you know I'm good for it.
GUY: Lemme think for a sec.
JOEY: Who is that guy with JC, he looks like he's in trouble.
CHRIS: I dunno
JC: (softly) Oh shit not those two again....(talking louder) hey you guys....
JUSTIN: Next time on Real World TourBus!
Pevious Chapter Real World Tourbus....