I feel pain and I feel pleasure
I feel everything and nothing
I feel you and I feel me
I feel hell and Ectasy
I feel blandness, I feel sharpness
I feel brightness, I feel darkness;
I feel confined and free,
I feel everything but me.
I feel lost, but I am found
I feel air but I'm on ground
I feel heat but I am cold
I feel :: my love :: is growing :: old.
I fell from grace; I lost my gold.
And youth betrayed me so.
I feel wild, I feel content,
I feel indecision, feel contempt.
Through all the hatred in the lies,
I see all your "wonder why's"

Wish I could answer them with all that's in me
but
there's
nothing
left
to
see.

I'd apologize for fault, but need not
Accept me as I am, and all that
you need to see,
Is the pain that dwells in me.

Watch my tears come claimed by gravity
fall like raindrops, wish you'd refresh me...
I feel too much, I feel to little,
I feel repetitive, I feel repulsive
I feel everything all at once
But I feel not for your sake, hence. 

Listen. Listen to me. Because I can only say it once. I can't bear to say it any more. I'm lonely. I cry all night, and all the time for someone to love. Why? Am I not worthy of anyone's love? Am I just a creature left to die...in the gutter? Watching the rain fall is like feeling my tears. I feel the rain. But I don't feel my tears any more. I can't take anymore of the solitude that surrounds me every day. Cold, bleak winter surrounds me. It's not even winter yet. But I walk through the streets of town, alone, thinking of you. Of how you could have been mine. And how I could have been so happy to have had someone in my life, that I actually loved. But love, is a two-way street. you can't cross a two-way street without looking both ways... because if you just look one way, you'll get run down by the crowd, and the big ugly bus that always passes at 9 am.

Listening to Our Song
Wishing I had never left
I regretted the moment
I watched you disappear
Through the frosted glass
And I....
Wishing I....
And I went on alone
All by myself
Without you by my side
The silence surrounded me
Before the light in my heart died
At that very moment
Amidst the engines' roar
Echoes rippled through me
And how the tears fell- unrelentlessly
Would break your very heart
So bitterly I wept and longed for you...
To be there...
Imagining
That you're here with me
The tears subside because
I feel your presence with me
The empty seat beside me
Is empty like it was before
And yet I see your face
Wet with tears we both had cried
I never thought goodbye
Would ever be this hard
Try to stay strong for me
And I will do the same
It's the only way we can go on
All the feelings, pain
Experienced inside
Will never subside
If I lost you,
I don't know what I'd do
I found the missing piece
Of my soul
But
Anyway...
Watching cities fade away
Missing those lights
Looking at pictures taken
Not so long before
Holding new significance
Now more than ever
No one knows but you and I
And I...
I miss you painfully
I...
Incomplete without you here
I....
I don't want to go on
Something picks me up and pushes me forward
Can't dwell in the past
I can't dwell in tomorrow
I can't dwell anywhere
My heart won't let me cry...
Senseless, I am
Feeling too much right now
Wishing I could just be cold
Until I break again...
Watching lights disappear
Watching cities fade away
Watching strength dissipate
I.....
I love you.

©12/02/99