Joy Diane Davenport
I am not sure I know where to start.
I guess I should tell you a little of the circumstances. 25 years ago, I thought I was deeply in love with a man that was 22, I was 15. I thought he was in "love" with me until he found out I was pregnant. I was just turning 16 and lived in a small town, everyone knew everyone else's business. My mother and I went off to California to stay with my father (This way "no one would know" - even though everyone did). We stayed in California for 4 months and on July 11, 1974 I gave birth to a baby girl, within minutes she was whisked away.
I never got to hold her, see her, or tell her I loved her. I was brought to my room to "recover". What an experience that was. First I was told that my roommate was going to breastfeed so I needed to "go to sleep". As if that was possible. I was in pain and I wanted to see my daughter. I was told, that since I was only 16 and was "giving her away", I had no right to see her and as far as anyone was concerned I would never see her. She was not my daughter. I was treated like some kind of leper, that was of no use to society, my feelings were of no value. I was of no value for that matter. When I would ring the call bell, they would answer it when they got good and ready and not one moment before that. My roommate was a very nice woman, she used to pull the curtain every time they brought her child to her. She often had her husband wheel her down to the nursery, so that I could have some privacy. She and her husband were trying to figure out which baby was mine, when they had, her husband walked me down to the nursery one day so I could "peek" at my daughter. She was so beautiful! I wanted to hold her in my arms and tell her how much I loved her and wanted to keep her. But I wasn't allowed. The nurses saw us and demanded that he bring me back to my room immediately! After that "incident" they moved my roomie to another room. So there I lay in bed all alone, scared and hurting. The nurses were about as compassionate as a piranha. I know that most nurses are not that way, I really believe that I was being punished for being a "bad" girl. There were a couple other teens at the hospital in the same boat and they had been treated the same way. My hospital stay seemed like an eternity. I cried all the time. I was in pain and no one seemed to care. The nurses constantly paraded babies around. They often closed the curtain, saying "I had no right" to be here on this ward, "It was all my own fault." It was a girls worst nightmare. I was forced to get up and walk around the floor, up and down the halls and watch all these babies being brought to their lucky families. I used to hear all the cries of the babies and the oohs and ahhs of the parents and there I was all alone.
It was implied that if I kept the baby I would be completely on my own. I was terrified, and felt very alone. I felt I had no choice but to give my daughter up. I hated my parents for a long time for that.
My father had a friend who had a friend who wanted to adopt a child, they were a "religious" family that wanted to provide a good home for my daughter. So the adoption was arranged by my parents. I was given no information, no details, no support, no choice.
I have recently discovered my birth daughters name, phone number and address. I tried to call but apparently her phone has been disconnected. I have waited for this day for 25 years. I do not want to upset her. I only want her to know that for 25 years my heart has been heavy and that never a day has gone by that I have not thought about her, prayed for her, loved her and wanted her to know that she is and will always be one of the best things to have happened in my life.
I want her to know that she has four sisters and they would all like to get to know her and maybe someday be a part of her life.
Birthmother's HeartStrings
Sunflower Birth Mom
*The music you are listening to is "Somewhere Out There", a song that I have sung in my heart for years.
God Bless You
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