I Will Buy You a New Life
Chapter 9
~*"Too many of us stay walled because we are afraid of getting hurt. We are afraid to care too much for fear that the other person doesn't care at all."- Unknown*~
--A Few Days Later--
Angelina pulled her jacket tighter around her body. This had to be the coldest winter Florida had ever seen...well to her at least. She'd lived in Florida her whole life, had never seen snow and didn't know what weather below about 65 degrees felt like...and she liked it that way. Her green eyes were dull and hazy today as she looked down the road, praying the bus would be there before she turned into a human popsicle. She began to think about Brian and all the times he'd driven all the way from his home in Windermere to Winter Park just to see her. It was sweet of him, she knew that, but for some reason it just didn't seem like it was enough to make her think anything more of him then scum...just like all the other men in the world. Deep inside her somewhere, though, she had a little glimmer of hope telling her that he might be different...he could be the one to save her from herself and her taunting past. She shook her head, clearing her mind of any thought that he even existed and looked back down the road. Finally she could see the bus making its way up the street.
'Thank God,' she thought, stepping back a little from the curb to make room for the opening doors. She was about to step onto the bus but was stopped by someone screaming her name from down the street. She turned around and looked over to see Brian running down the street. She smiled a little, despite herself, and backed away from the bus, allowing the other passengers on first.
"Angelina! Wait!" he said, obviously out of breath as he finally caught up to her. He stopped in front of her and bent over, his hands on his knees as he tried to catch his breath.
"Are you okay?" she asked, putting her hand on his back. He raised his head and smiled, nodding his head. "You ran here?" He nodded his head again.
"Yeah, long story. Thank God you're alright, I was so worried. I couldn't sleep last night," he said, beginning to gain control of his breathing again.
"You were worried?" she asked, a little confused. He nodded his head. "Why?"
"Angel! Of course I was worried! I left a million messages on your answering machine and you never called me back. I was extremely worried. I thought maybe you had...well I thought maybe something bad had happened," he said finally breathing normal again. She stared at him for a few seconds, trying to read his face. He had to be joking. He was worried about her? He was probably the first person on earth to care about her since she was about 14. She couldn't believe it. How could she possibly tell him that she had simply not called him back because she was too busy wallowing away in her sorrows to do so? She knew she couldn't, so she had to think of something fast. "Hey, you okay?"
"Yeah...I uh...I guess the answering machine must be broken or something, because I didn't get any messages at all."
"Really?" Brian asked, scratching his head. "Well I'll just have to get you a new one then won't I?" She half-smiled at him. As happy as she was to hear him say that he cared about her, she was still...well, scared of him.
"Yeah, I should go pick one up later." She felt the wind pick up a little bit and she turned around, just in time to see the bus pull away from the curb and head down the road. She rolled her eyes and looked skyward with a look on her face saying 'thanks a lot'.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for you to miss your bus," said Brian watching the bus as well. She turned around and looked at him shrugging.
"Oh well. It's not that far of a walk. I'll see you later," she said, crossing her arms over her chest. Brian ran to catch up with her, then stopped right in front of her. "Excuse me," she said, trying to push past him. She really wasn't in the mood for him today. She had a horrible day and things just kept on getting worse. The last thing she needed was him expressing his "love" for her.
"Listen, it's freezing out and I know you're pissed that you missed the bus. My car's over at Nick's house, about 2 blocks that way," he said gesturing over his shoulder, "let's walk there and I'll give you a ride home. It's way too cold to be walking all the way to your place." She looked at him. She wanted to scream at him, to tell him to stop wasting his time on her because she just didn't care anymore and she was sick of him. All she was, in her eyes, was a waste of breath, especially since she thought she'd never have it in her to trust him enough to let him into her life...romantically or otherwise.
"Look Brian, that's really nice, but I've had a really shitty day and I think I walk would really help to clear up my head a little."
"Okay, well do you mind if I walk with you then? You can tell me all about your day." She shook her head, and looked down at her feet.
"No Brian, no. Don't you get it? Don't you know when to give up? I'm hopeless, why are you so persistent? I'm not worth your time." Brian shook his head.
"Angel, you're wrong. You don't know how wrong you are. You're not hopeless. You're wonderful. That day we rented "Sleepless in Seattle" was the best day I've had in a long long time. I know you can feel the electricity when we're together. It's too late to back out now, we're too far along to turn back. I can't say I love you, because there's still so much we need to learn about each other, but I can tell you this: I haven't cared for another human being as much as I care for you since Leighanne and I first started dating about 4 years ago." He paused, fighting back his tears. "I don't know why you think you're worthless and why you can't see how beautiful you are, inside and out. If I thought you weren't worth my time, I wouldn't have even bothered in the first place. All I'm asking is that we can be friends, that's it. I'm not asking you to marry me or to move in with me or anything...just give me a chance. I promise you that you will never have another shitty day as long as I'm around." By this time, a few tears had fallen from Angelina's eyes. She kept her eyes fixated on the ground as she let his words sink in. Silence overcame the two of them for what seemed like days or weeks...months even.
She opened her mouth to say something...anything. Something telling him that she wanted to trust him, but her mouth couldn't form the words. The only words she could get out were "I gotta go." followed by her turning around and walking quickly away from him. He stood there, watching her walk away from him...from what could have been...and should have been. He'd tried everything he could think of. He watched her walk away until he couldn't see her anymore, then he turned around and walked back towards Nick's house. He knew this had gotten ridiculous and he didn't need anymore pressure in his life. As much as he hated to do it, he gave up. Being without her was too painful. He needed to move on, she obviously didn't want him or anyone else. It hurt so much to know that the woman he had had the strongest vibe with in a long time didn't want anything to do with him. He was willing to do anything and everything for her, while she didn't seem to care about him at all...or at least he thought she didn't.
--Angelina--
She walked faster and faster with each step she took. She couldn't wait to get away from him...her legs just couldn't go fast enough. She glanced over her shoulder expecting to see him running up the road to catch up with her, but instead saw nothing. She felt her heart sink a little, but then reminded herself that she didn't care, and she was happy he wasn't chasing her down. She slowed her pace a little and realized that she was only a few blocks away from home. She couldn't wait to get there. To draw pictures, write in her journal, and take a nice long bath. She smiled at the thought of home. Back to Killer...her dog. Her smile soon faded as she slowly began to realize what she had just done. He was the first human to talk to her in a long time that wasn't asking if the seat next to her was taken or giving her directions on how to do her job. She had really enjoyed the time they'd spent together talking and laughing. He really did make her smile when he was around. He had some weird power over her. As much as she'd like to push him away, she felt bad doing it. She knew he cared about her...and she knew she cared about him, but she also knew that it would never work out for them. They were too different, from two different worlds almost. She'd asked about his childhood and he'd told her about how happy he had been and how nice his family was and how great his friends were. She somewhat resented him for all the things he had. The wonderful people he was surrounded by. His high school popularity, his dates, his Homecoming, his prom...all the things she'd missed out on thanks to Dominick. She wished she could see him again, just one more time so she could beat the shit out of him for ruining her life. The more she thought about it, though, the more blame she put on herself. The more she began to think that if she had just stuck to the formula, things would still be perfect. She'd still have people who loved her around, and she'd still be stuck in that hell hole of a town. She rolled her eyes thinking about it. She hated that town. She'd always hated it. Michael had always told her that after they were out of high school, they'd get married and move away from there. He didn't want his kids put through the same torturous lectures and prejudice people who hated anyone who wasn't of their religion, their race, their sexual preference...basically anyone who didn't live in that town. She sighed, making her way up the steps to her apartment. She had been to preoccupied with her thoughts to even realize her legs had led her home on their own. She pulled the door open and, as always, Killer came running to her.
"Not today," she said walking past him. He sat on the floor watching her as she walked into the kitchen to set her stuff down with his head tilted. She looked over at him and shook her head. "I don't know what's wrong with me. I really like him," she said as tears ran down her face. She wiped them away quickly and took a few deep breaths. 'I can do this. I can get over him. I don't need anyone else anyway. Hell, I've made it this long all alone, why would I need another person in my life? I don't,' she thought as she made her way into her bedroom. She flopped down and stared at the ceiling. She wished there was some way for her to make Brian understand what was wrong with her. She wasn't like him, she couldn't just stop everything for some silly notion that they could be together and live happily ever after. Her Prince Charming dream had fizzled out years ago and she wasn't willing to let her fairy tale dreams to return. That's just not how life worked out. It was never happily ever after. It would never work out for the two of them. She knew Brian knew this as well, but he was willing to at least try. She just couldn't find it in herself to even try, the last time she'd done that it almost cost her her life. She didn't want to go through that again, it just didn't seem worth it. Sometimes she wished she could be as carefree and daring as Brian. She really admired him. Even though the love of his life never showed up for their wedding, he still found it in himself to move on and open himself up again. She wished she could do that. She sighed and rolled over, closing her eyes as a few tears rolled down her face.
"This is so fucking stupid," she said wiping her tears away and standing up. She walked into the kitchen and picked up the phone. Without knowing what she was doing, she dialed the only phone number she could think of.
--Nick's House--
"What the hell was that all about?" asked Nick looking out the window.
"What?" asked his girlfriend, Jill, walking into the room. He gestured out the window and turned around to face her.
"Brian. Earlier he pulls in, locks the doors, then just takes of running. Just now he ran to the car, threw the door open, and sped off. I don't know but last time I checked our driveway wasn't a parking lot," said Nick shaking his head. "He's been so weird lately."
"Brian's always been weird," said Jill smiling and sitting down on the couch. Nick walked over and sat next to her.
"No, we're talking turbo-weird. I've never seen him so weird which is weird because I've seen him at his weirdest."
"Ok, enough with the weird's," said Jill smiling. Nick smiled back and opened his mouth to say something when the phone rang. He rolled his eyes and stood up. "Just another one of your adoring fans, I'm sure," Jill teased. Nick stuck his tongue out at her and walked into the other room to get the phone.
"Hello?" he asked picking it up.
"Uh...hi...This is Angelina, Brian's friend."
"Oh hey. Brian's not here right now. Do you want his number?" Jill walked into the room and asked him who it was, he mouthed his response. She looked at him with a 'why in the hell is she calling here for Brian?' look on her face.
"Umm...no. Actually I wanted to talk to you."
"To me? Why?" he asked taking a seat at the kitchen counter. Jill headed out of the room and upstairs to their bedroom.
"Well...have you talked to him in the past few minutes?"
"No. Well he was in my driveway but didn't come in or anything. What's going on with him? Do you know?"
"Kind of. I think I screwed everything up."
"So you call me? Brian must have told you about me...the king of screwing everything up," said Nick laughing. She laughed a little too.
"Well no, not really, but he told me that you two were best friends so I figured you'd be the best person to talk to about this. Besides, he hates me."
"I'm sure he doesn't hate you."
"I've been nothing but a pain in his ass since we first talked that if he doesn't hate me, he must be insane. I would hate me...Hell, I do hate me." Nick had no clue what to say to that. He wondered just what she had done to make her think that he hated her...Brian never hated anyone.
"Well, do you want to come over and talk about it or--"
"No, I think we should just talk over the phone. I'm not a people person."
"Yeah, Brian mentioned something about that," Nick paused, not sure if he should have said that or not. "Anyway, what do you want to talk about?" Angelina sighed and began to tell him everything...leaving out her past and why she was so screwed up of course. "So you like him but you're scared basically, right?"
"I...well...yeah, I guess. It seems a lot more complicated then that, but I guess that's it in a nut shell."
"I know Brian really likes you. He talks to me a lot about this kind of stuff. I know he's scared too. I mean, I don't know if he told you this or not, and I may be killed for this, but he was engaged and his girlfriend never showed up."
"Yeah, he told me."
"Oh, well, I know he's scared just like you, but Brian's just...he's one of those 'I don't want to ever look back at my life and think: What If?' kind of person. Sure, it takes him a while to get up the courage to talk to a girl, but once he does and he's broken the barrier, if he feels something, he can't just give up no matter what happens. He always has to at least give it a try. Of course, a few times that's enabled people to use him, but a few times it's worked. It worked with Leighanne and I know he hopes it works with you too. I was there when the two of them first met, I helped him get ready before their first date, I was the first person he told after they first kissed, I was at their moving-in-together celebration, and I was there when she broke his heart. I've seen him at his happiest and saddest, I think...no, I know you make him happy. I've haven't seen him as happy as he's been in the past few weeks for a long, long time." Angelina's side of the phone was completely silent. She had that far away look in her eyes again and they were glassy like she was about to start crying.
"Thank you," she said meekly, trying to fight off her tears. "If you talk to him, please don't tell him I called."
"I won't. But listen, if you ever need to talk about him again, you can call me...or if you need me to tell him something for you. He'll probably call me later to tell me what happened, so if you want me to call you after--"
"No, that's okay. I'll just...maybe I'll call you later...or tomorrow...or something. I don't know."
"Alright. I'll talk to you later."
"Uh huh."
"Bye."
"Wait."
"Yeah?"
"Thank you for your help, Nick. It really did help...even though it may seem like it didn't. I'm just so confused right now."
"I know. Just give it time."
"Thank you again."
"No problem. Bye."
"Bye," she said quietly, hanging up the phone. She sighed and rested her head down on the back of the couch. Nick's words had helped...a little at least. In time, she wanted Nick to tell Brian a few things for her, but now wasn't the time. She needed to find out what Brian's reaction was to this afternoon before she accidentally said something that screwed everything up even more. That's the last thing she needed.
--Brian--
He sat alone in his house. In the hallway leading to his bedroom up against the wall with his knees to his chest and his arms wrapped around his legs to be more specific. Tears and more tears fell from his eyes as he thought about everything. He hated that Dominick bastard, he hated Leighanne, he hated anyone who'd intentionally ever hurt anyone. All he had in himself at that point was hate and regret. He regretted getting close to Leighanne and any other girlfriend that used him or dumped him before her. He regretted noticing Angelina...he regretted driving all the way to Winter Park nearly everyday to see her...he regretted caring about her, and opening up to her. The more he thought about it, though, the less he regretted it. He remembered a quote he'd once heard somewhere: "I do not regret the things I've done, but those I did not do." He remembered a time when he truly believed those words, but now they just seemed like bullshit to him. He was full of regret. Sometimes he wished he'd never even moved to Florida or joined the group. It was such a burden on his life. Sure, he got to do what he loved, but why do something that you love when you don't feel loved? He felt like that a lot. The saying "It's lonely at the top," to him, was arrogant but true. Very true. That's why he hadn't told Angelina yet...she'd find out eventually. If they ended up together, he'd definitely tell her, but right now it didn't really matter either way.
Tired of sitting there crying, he stood up and walked towards the living room to get the phone and call the one person he knew he could always turn to, no matter what. He dialed the number and waited for an answer.
"Hello?" came a cheerful voice.
"Hi Mom," he said sadly.
"Brian? Are you okay? What happened? What's wrong? Why are you sad?" she asked worriedly.
"Calm down Mom, it's nothing."
"It's obviously something, hunny. You sound depressed. What happened?" Brian sighed and explained the whole long ordeal to his mother. "Wow Brian, I'm so sorry. That's horrible what happened to her, though. I can understand being scared to get close to someone ever again after that."
"I know, Mom, so can I, but it's like she could at least give me a chance. I'm nothing but nice to her, and I would never ever hurt her. I just wish there was some way I could get her to believe that."
"Well you'll have to make her believe you."
"But how?"
"I don't know, son...I really don't. All women are different when it comes to how they want to be approached...you'll just have to find the right path and take it."
"But she doesn't want me anywhere near her."
"Hunny, she told you about the worst thing that's ever happened to her. She cried to you and she let you comfort her. It's obvious she needs someone to lean on, and it's obvious that no matter how much she wants to deny, she's let you in already. She's just scared that you'll hurt her, so you have to prove to her that you won't. My advice is to become friends with her...later on if she realizes she wants more then that, then she'll feel comfortable enough with you to be able to tell you that."
"And what if she never wants to take it to that level?"
"Then it was never meant to be."
"I hope that's not what happens."
"Me too, dear."
"Thanks Mom, I love you."
"Love you too dear. Remember, you may have to back off and let her figure things out for herself. You're a smart boy, I know you'll figure out what to do, and if not, I'm always here."
"Thank you, Mom."
"No problem, sweetie. I'll talk to you later."
"Ok, love you."
"Love you too. Bye."
"Later." Brian clicked off his phone feeling somewhat better. Not much, but it was at least a start. He knew his Mom was right. What will be shall be. He prayed Angelina was a 'shall be'. He rested stretched out on the floor and laid there for a good 15 minutes before getting up and deciding to head over to Kevin's since he'd missed he and Kristin's party the other night, he felt like he should. He pulled his shoes on and hopped in his car, driving down the street, thinking about nothing but ways to get to Angelina.
-=Chapter Ten=-
-=I Will Buy Chapter Index=-
-=Story Index=-
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