I Will Buy You a New Life
Chapter 8
~*"You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back."- Barbara De Angelis*~
--Next Day--
Brian sat numbly at his kitchen table. He felt alone and afraid, like he always had before he met Angelina. For some reason, the more time he spent with her, the more alone he felt. He rested his head on his arm and stared at the table, his crystal eyes traveling over all the little speckles of color on it. He hadn't slept, changed, or showered since he last saw her. He knew he was too attached too soon, and he knew deep down, that something was going to happen to prevent them from ever being together. Whether it be his fear or hers, he didn't know, but he knew something would keep them apart. Things weren't supposed to work out for him, they hadn't in the past. Well, when it came to this sort of stuff at least. He stood up and sighed, grabbing his cup of coffee off the table and walking into the next room over which was the living room. He plopped on the couch and rested his head on the back of it, staring at the ceiling. In a way, he wished he had stayed with Nick another night, but he knew he wouldn't have been able to put up with his immature antics for another minute. Then, however, he would have been so preoccupied with getting Nick to shut up, he wouldn't have had time to think.
He brought his head up and looked around the living room. White everywhere. Leighanne loved the color white and thought that the main room of the house would look best in all white. The carpeting, the couch, love seat, recliner, walls, lamp, fireplace, vase, everything. Brian thought it was a little boring looking, but it did give off a sense of elegance. When Leighanne first moved in with him, she redecorated the whole thing. He didn't mind at the time because he knew it would make her happy, but looking back at it now, he was a little offended that she wasn't satisfied with how the house was before. He shook his head, trying to get the thoughts of her out of his head. He looked around the room again, his eyes landing on his prized possession. The one thing that he knew he could turn to to make any bad time seem at least tolerable. He stood up and walked across the room, picking up his guitar from the stand in the corner of the room and sitting down on the ground. He dug around in his pocket until he found his pick and began to play. He really didn't know what he was playing, but for some reason it seemed so familiar to him. He kept playing it over and over again, trying to figure out what this mystery song was. He stopped playing, and set the guitar down, walking to the family room. He looked through all of his CD racks, desperately trying to figure out what song it was. After about an hour of looking and listening, he finally gave up, and walked back into the living room, placing the guitar back on the stand in the corner. He stood up and looked around, trying to decide what to do with himself. It had been quite a while since he had time to do that. He always had prearranged things going on, but today was one of those rare occasions that he was completely free. Unfortunately, he couldn't think of anything he wanted to do. He walked back into the living room and put on his Brian McKnight CD to play outside. Since he had nothing else to do, he decided he'd head outside and play some basketball. He ran upstairs and changed his clothes, grabbed his basketball then ran back downstairs and through the garage to the driveway. He played for a while by himself, focusing on perfecting his game.
"Hey Mr. Littrell!" he turned around to see the next door neighbor's kid, David, standing on the driveway behind him.
"Hey Dave. What's up?" he asked shooting the ball. He watched it swish through the net then bounce back towards him. He lifted his shirt to wipe the sweat off his face, then held the ball under his arm.
"Nothin, I was out cutting the grass and saw you out here. Thought you might like to play a lil one-on-one."
"Yeah, alright. Check it," said Brian tossing the ball to David. He tossed it back and the two played for the remainder of the afternoon. After playing 3 games, (Brian winning one and David winning two) Brian invited inside David to cool down.
"So Mr. Littrell, what's been up with you? Haven't seen you around lately," said David, taking a long sip of his glass of water.
"First call me Brian, Mr. Littrell is my dad," he said smiling, "and I've been in Winter Park, hanging with my friend Nick and this girl...Angelina."
"She hot?" asked David, smiling. Brian laughed a little at his bluntness but nodded.
"Yeah, she is."
"As hot as that other chick you were with? What was her name? Uh...Joann?"
"Leighanne," Brian corrected him.
"Yeah, that's what I said."
"Well, if you saw her, you'd probably think that she was nothing compared to Leighanne, but I don't know. She's just...gorgeous to me."
"Uh oh, this mean I'm gonna have to hear you two goin at it?" Brian raised his head and laughed at David. "Don't think I didn't hear it, man. I'd have to sleep with earplugs in my ears some nights."
"You are sick, sick, sick!" said Brian laughing.
"Oh come on, man. I know you're not as saintly as you try to be. You know that Joann chick was one hot bitch. My boys would come over and she'd be outside doing...ya know whatever chicks do outside and they'd all be like 'DAYUM! Who's that chick next door?' and I'd be like 'Oh that's that Backstreet Boy's girl.' and they'd be blown away dude. Seriously. Whatever happened to her?"
"Leighanne. Her name is Leighanne," said Brian. David nodded his head. "Her and I....well I don't really know what happened. We were engaged and all but she just never showed up for the wedding," said Brian looking down at his hands.
"Oh shit, I'm sorry man." Brian shook his head, looking up. He forced a smile and took another sip of his water. "I forgot about that. I was in Cancun that weekend, so I couldn't go to your wedding. Damn, I forgot all about that."
"Yeah, well Cancun can definitely make you forget some things," said Brian grinning.
"Dude when you having another party? Your parties used to be the shit."
"Yeah, you'd just hop the fence and come over uninvited," said Brian laughing. David shrugged.
"Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do. You're what? 25?" Brian nodded. "I've got some friends that you might be interested in. One's 23 and the other's 21. We're talking hotter then Joann. Next time you have a party, lemme know and I'll bring them along."
"Her name is Leighanne, and thanks but I don't know. Being hooked up by my 20-year-old next door neighbor doesn't sound too great to me, no offense. Besides, there's Angelina...." Brian drifted off.
"Dude, you know what you need? I'll tell you what you need. You need a night with one of my girls to take your mind off that Angela chick. I can tell something's up with her that you're all thinking about and shit. You just need to relax and she'll come to you. Believe me, it's worked a thousand times. And in the meantime, why not take advantage of this one time offer? The 23 year old...I'm tellin you man, you'd have some fun."
"I really don't know...Things are just so fucked up right now and I've got so much on my mind, I think hookin up with someone would just make it worse."
"Well, whatever dude," he said standing up, "if you ever change your mind, I'm right next door, just come on by and she can be at your house within the hour. Personally, I think you should have another party and invite that Nick kid, he's cool and the rest of the Backstreet fags," he said laughing. Brian rolled his eyes and laughed a little. "Naw you know I think they're all cool. Invite them, and some other people, and I'll invite a few of my friends and we'll all get trashed and you can get laid and everything'll be sweet. What do ya say?"
"I say wait until you're 21 and have your own party," said Brian smiling. "Like I said, I really don't think me getting laid is really going to help anything right now."
"Well, then do what I do when I get confused."
"What's that?"
"Throw back a few beers, smoke a bowl, and sleep the rest of the day away."
"Oh yeah," said Brian smirking, "sounds exactly like something I would do too," he said rolling his eyes and laughing.
"Well, ok, maybe smokin weed isn't your thing, but I know you can handle your liquor and I know you like to sleep. Drink a beer and go to sleep. One beer'll put anyone to sleep," said David standing up. "And if you do decide you want to smoke out, call me," he said grinning. "Man, that would be something to see. A Backstreet Boy smokin," he said laughing. "Damn, I'd pay money to see that."
"Shut up and go home!" said Brian laughing. David stood up, still laughing and put his glass in the sink.
"Ok, ok, I'm going. See ya," he said walking out the back door and through Brian's backyard, then climbing over the fence into his own yard. Brian shook his head and put his glass in the sink as well. Brian thanked God that Nick wasn't THAT bad for a 20-year-old guy. He guessed that had a lot to do with the fact that Nick never went to high school, so he really didn't know much about how other guys his age acted. Brian thought about what David had said, his words playing over and over in his head 'You just need to relax and she'll come to you.' Maybe he was right, maybe if he backed off, things would eventually work themselves out. He felt like he had to be the one the make the first move, though because she was so shy. He was scared that if he really did relax, he'd loose her. He sighed and walked into the family room, switching the stereo to play only upstairs. He climbed the stairs and headed into his room to take a shower and to get dressed.
--About an hour later--
Brian found himself back at the kitchen table, staring at the speckles of color in he table top. This time, however, the cordless phone was in his hand. He'd called her at least a half a dozen times, each time leaving a different message. He just prayed he hadn't screwed everything up without knowing.
--Angelina--
The answering machine came on for about the 6th time within the last 45 minutes and his voice rang through her apartment once again.
"Hey Angel...uh...it's Brian. Well duh, it's Brian, I've left about a million messages, I'm sure you're sick of my voice by now. Anyway, I was just sitting here and thought I'd call and see how you are. Umm...Well call me back, you have the number. I'm at my house...so...call me back. Later."
Angelina sighed and looked back out over the street. Her eyes surveyed the people below, looking at how happy they all seemed to be. She wondered if any of them held a secret inside of them like she did. If any of them felt more alone when they were with someone then when they weren't. She didn't understand how she could possibly be even more confused then she ever had before. Each day she hated herself more and more for caring about him, for letting him in, for telling him her deepest secrets. She hated the fact that she had given into tempting warmth of his body and his genuine smile. She wished she had one of those. A genuine smile. That was one thing she missed the most about not being a child anymore. Any time she smiled lately it was because she felt she should for Brian.
She stood up and walked into the guest room to get her sketch book, then sat back down at the window, this time however she didn't even bother looking out the window as she sketched. She just drew from memory. Drawings of her and Brian crying like idiots at the end of "Sleepless in Seattle", of Brian crying when she told him about her past. Most of them were of Brian, but there was one that she had to look at for a while to realize who it was. It was Michael, the day he found out that she and Dominick were together.
--Flashback--
Angelina held tightly onto Dominick's hand as they walked through the halls of school. Her smile proved to the world how happy she was. They walked past Michael and his jaw nearly hit the floor when he saw them walking hand in hand. All he could do was stare at their hands with tears in his eyes. His whole life he had wanted nothing more then to love and be loved by Angelina. That's the way things were supposed to be, it was the natural order of things for them. What did Dominick have that he didn't? He felt like a complete fool. He felt like everyone was laughing at him. His girl was walking proudly on the arm of the freak. He dropped his head as a few tears escaped his eyes. He couldn't believe it. No wonder she had been ignoring him lately. He went through the day with his head bowed, scared to see how the people around him were looking at him. By lunch, the whole school was swarming with rumors about Angelina and Dominick. Numerous people had the nerve to walk right up to Michael and ask him about it. Michael just pretended like it didn't bother him. He sat alone at lunch that day instead of with Angelina. She obviously didn't want him near her anymore. Near the end of lunch, she walked over and sat down across from him.
"Hey Mike! What's up?" she asked gleaming. Michael looked up at her, his eyes glassy.
"Nothing, Angel," he said looking away from her. "What's going on with you and him?" he asked, staring out the window. She shrugged and looked at him, reaching across the table to stroke the back of his hand.
"I'm sorry Mike. I really am. I like you a lot and all, but he's just...he...I don't know how to explain it but he makes me feel so much different then you do."
"My name is Michael," he said quietly, still staring out the window as a few tears escaped his eyes. She looked at him, sadly and stood up.
"Someday, Mike, you'll understand. I promise," she said walking away. He shook his head.
"No, Angel, someday you'll understand my pain," he said quietly and stood up. He emptied his tray, then headed back to class.
--end flashback--
"I guess I really did end up understanding, huh Mike?" she said looking down at the picture she had drawn of him. "I was so stupid back then, I'm so sorry," she said, tears falling from her eyes. She looked back through her sketches. Most of the recent ones were of Brian. Those were her favorite. For some reason she could draw him with ease, and make it look flawless. They were more deep then her other pictures. They all drew you into them and made you feel the emotions that he felt. She closed her sketch book and looked back down at the street. She didn't understand how one silly event that happened almost 10 years ago could ruin her entire life. She knew she could trust Brian, but for some reason she denied that she really could. She tried to tell herself that he would turn on her just like Dominick had, and just like she had to Michael, but deep down she knew Brian wasn't like that. She knew he would be there for her always. Her thoughts were interrupted by the phone ringing again, followed by the answering machine picking up.
"Hey Angel...it's me again...I'm really worried about you. Please, please, please call me back when you get these 4 million messages. I just want to make sure you're alright...call me back, PLEASE! Ok, later."
Angelina sighed and leaned her head against the window, tears seeping out of her eyes and down her face.
-=Chapter Nine=-
-=I Will Buy Chapter Index=-
-=Story Index=-
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