Chapter 3
I fell in-love with Nick that night, as the moon held our kiss!
I prayed
so hard for the moon to hold our kiss even longer and once again,
it granted
my wish!
I can remember Nick pulling away and laughing nervously
as he
kissed me once more.
We were little kids in our own world...until Brian broke
into my world
shattering my dreams.
He walked out and was furious when
he saw us kissing, he immediately jerked me
inside the room and went back outside
to talk to Nick.
I listened at the door to hear Brian yelling at Nick that
I was like his little
sister and he didn't want to see me hurt by him or anyone
else.
"But Bri, man, I'm not gonna hurt her…I care so much about her…You
know that I've liked her since the first day we've met! She kissed me back Bri…Please
don't tear us apart now!"
My eyes grew with anger and happiness
all at the same time,
anger because Brian was being so damn hardheaded and happiness
because Nick
felt the same way about me!
Sure, we were young… I was only
fourteen and I never thought Nick
would want or even like me because I was so
much younger, but I heard
his words with my own ears, and there was nothing Brian
could do to stop us now!
I remember Brian being so hostile to both Nick and
me for months,
but as soon as he realized how much we both cared for each other,
he let his guard down.
When he did that, Nick finally asked me to be
his girlfriend.
I can still hear his nervous stuttering voice now. "Carla,
will you… be…
my girlfriend?"
Nick wouldn't look me straight in the
eye, my heart, soul and mind was
so overpowered with happiness that I threw my
arms around him
hugging him so tightly, I'm surprised I didn't choke him!
He
took me into his arms and kissed me so gently, my whole body got hot!
"YES
YES YES!!" I shouted as Nick's eyes filled with excitement and he
kissed
me deeply!
God, I loved it when he would do that… I would get all warm and
tingly inside as I felt his tongue stroke mine!
I remember as their career
starting taking off, Nick and me starting fighting constantly!
I wasn't being
selfish by no means, I just wanted one hour, one minute,
one second alone with
him!
I can still hear his voice telling me that I ALWAYS came first but ever
time
Nick would say those words, it would fill my heart with anger.
But
I didn't loose my marbles and go psycho and kill Nick!
I knew what I was
doing only… I didn't really think that I was doing it,
it was like I crawled
out of my body and watched myself cut his body…making
blood drain to the floor,
making him scream so loud!
It was like a dream… or should I say a nightmare,
I never even thought I was
doing it until the next morning I was in a room of
white strapped to a bed!
I can still see the tears welling up in Brian's
eyes when he told me that he hated me for
what I had done!
He hated ME,
what about all the pain that Nick put me through?
I guess that's no excuse
for what I did and I can say right now that I am going
to get what I deserve!
I can still see the knife slicing through his flesh as he cried
begging
me to stop… I didn't listen!
I just kept slicing until the last breath of
Nick was gone!
I can remember Brian and the others telling me what I had
done and
me not believing it and then I saw flashbacks of his mutilated body!
But anyway, I don't want to get into details about that right now, it
really
doesn't fit in right now… I will explain all soon!
Anyway, where was I?
Oh
yeah..Nick and I were fighting constantly!
I remember the first time that
Nick and I broke up, I can remember how I cried
myself to sleep that night!
It
was Nick's decision, he said that 'thing's weren't working out.'
OF COURSE,
they weren't working out… he'd been acting like we had
broke up long before we
actually did!
Things were awkward between Nick and I after that, we hardly
spoke!
Brian tried to comfort me the best he knew how but I didn't want to
be on tour with them anymore… I didn't want to see Nick, hear Nick… think Nick!
We stayed broken up for two weeks, which may not seem like a long time
but
it was hell to me!
I can still picture Nick's face in my mind when he asked
me to
come back to him… to be in his life again, was how he put it!
I
started crying automatically, but you see these were NOT
tears of sadness… these
were what I call happy tears!
Nick threw his arms around me holding me so
tight!
That night was the hottest night we had ever had!
But the
first time we had sex was very awkward for both of us!
We were both virgins,
had no clue what we were doing but we just let it flow.
It was neither of
our intentions to have sex that night, It just kinda happened!
We were at
his house, the guys got a break from touring and I spent the
night with Nick!
I
was supposed to sleep in the room with BJ but I sneaked out that night
and went
to Nick's, I was scared of sex… I didn't have the slightest clue
about any of
it and that went for Nick as well!
I can remember Nick and me lying on his
bed making out, he was
kissing my neck… turning me on in ways that I didn't even
know was possible.
I can remember it getting to the point where we both wanted
each
other, Nick whispered in my ear, so softly, "I want you feel you..."
I smiled as he took off my shirt and started kissing my neck, then
went
a little further kissing my breasts then my stomach, which almost
made me bust
out laughing because I am extremely ticklish!
I can remember him licking
his way down to the waistband of my
boxers and sliding them off so slowly.
I
was so nervous it almost made me sick, I remember thinking that I
was going to
throw up all over Nick and the night would be ruined!
Nick threw my boxers
on the cold floor and began kissing my thigh!
For someone who had never had
sex before, he sure knew how to
make me hot!
He slowly made his way back
up to my mouth, I can remember the devilish
look in his eyes.
"Can
we?" He asked and all I could do was nod.
He took off his shirt and
laid his warm body over mine, covering me like a
blanket!
He slowly slid
my panties off and removed his boxers as well.
I could feel my muscles tightening,
"Are you nervous?"
"NO, are you?"
He nodded.
I was about to throw up, I knew I was!
It wasn't him by no means,
I just get that way when I'm really REALLY
nervous!
I remember him trying
to insert himself inside me… he couldn't find it!
I remember laughing nervously
as I took his manhood and put it to my opening
and he pushed.
I remember
it hurt so badly, I thought I was going to pass out!
But he kept thrusting
his lower body slowly and then as he continued he
started going fast, tears came
to my eyes literally because it hurt so much!
Nick must have felt my body
tense up because he slowed down a tad
and then he pulled out as he came all over
his bed and me!
He laid there panting as he rolled off of me, I knew he enjoyed
his 'first
time' more than I had… it hurt to much for me to enjoy anything!
That
night was the best and worst night of my life, best because I
lost my virginity
to Nick-the guy that I loved more than my life and the worst
because well, I've
already explained that!
It got better though, it didn't hurt anymore and
Nick satisfied my every need!
Anyway, back to the night we got back together,
that night the
walls shook because we were screaming so loud!
I swear,
after that first horrible night, Nick knew how to work it… I
loved feeling him
inside me… how he would go so slow teasing me then start
going so fast, I would
break out into sweats as if I had ran ten miles!
He was the first and last
person I had sex with… I wish I could say the same for him!
