Chapter 16
I sit in this cell the last few days of my life,
everytime I see a little
bit of sunshine.
My eyes bleed with tears when I think about how the same
light that
shines over the cell ground is the same light that I used to see in
Nick's eyes.
However, I did read a book the other day.
It brought
a smile to my lips and tears to my eyes all at the same time.
I forget the
name of it but it was about a young girl named Kristy and
her boyfriend named
Greg… they had many problems but they overcame
it and lived happily ever after!
As I read the last page of the book, I thought to myself 'why couldn't my
life had been like that?'
Then I thought of in less than two weeks… my misery
would either be
decreased or increased-depending on if God forgives my sins and
lets me
through his pearly gates or will I burn in hell eternally.
I've
always wondered what the experience would be like but I never
thought that I
would be forced into dying.
I pray every night that if I do go to hell- that
God will grant my one wish
and let me talk to Nick one last time.
I had
no idea if he would forgive me or laugh in my face and say go to hell-literally!
Either way, I don't care as long as he realizes that if I had it to do over
again…
that knife would have sliced my wrist instead of his body.
But
even though he experienced my pain, I felt and lived it all as well.
**2
weeks and 3 days later***
In just a few hours, the smell of gas will end my
life.
Kevin told me that he is coming to see me and Brian might.
I'm
not sure how I will react to either of them.
Maybe, I will see them again…
someday...
