Chapter 15
***7 years later***
After my sentence, I was sent back to jail to wait
it out.
Everyday in here has been almost worse than the day that I killed
Nick.
Everyday, I get mail…letters mostly from fans of Nick
telling me
that they can't wait until I die.
I get a letter every week from Brian and
a letter every now and then
from Kevin. Brian was really hurt by the whole thing…
even though he hates
me for what I have done, he loves me because he remembers
the little sweet
girl that I used to be with my pig-tails and chocolate all over
my face…
and how I seemed to change over night!
I look back over some
of the letters time and time again and one letter
that he wrote always seems
to catch my eye.
Dear Carla,
I don't know how to say the many things
that run through my
head every minute, every second of every day! To sum all
my questions up,
I can only ask why? You had everything… everything you ever
needed!
Why didn't you just come tome, I would've done anything to help you!
Yes,
I hate you for what you have done but all I can do is forgive. I want to
come
and visit you but to see you in that jail cell would tear my heart out of
my
chest. I miss you, your laughter, your smell… even the way you used to wrinkle
your nose when I would belch after a cold can of coke! I sit here with all these
memories in my mind and my heart and that's all I have left of you is… memories!
You are withering away Carla, and there's nothing I can do about it because you
didn't come to me! I won't be able to watch them give you the death penalty…
I can't bear to see you draw your last breath! Well, I bet your wondering what
ever
happened to the group… we split up! AJ is doing a solo career and has totally
dedicated one album to Nick! I think I'm going to do a solo album and dedicate
it to
you! Howie isn't the same, he just sits like a zombie all the time and
every now and
then he will claims that he sees Nick sitting in the floor. Kevin
is here for me, he's the only
person that has kept me sane! Well, I'm going to
end this letter! I love you Carla… more than
you will ever know!
Love always,
Brian
I sit and look at the many letters that Brian has written me
and they're all
basically the same except each one seems to get sadder and sadder…
just like my life!
A priest came to me one day not to long ago… my sentence
is in seven months.
I asked God to forgive all my sins, I also said a little
prayer for Brian and Kevin.
I hope that they will be able to move on with
their lives… that everyday won't
remind them of me or what I have done.
I
hope that they never get in a situation like me and not know where to
run or
who to go to, I hope they never see the walls caving in and them
sinking into
the brittle earth beneath their feet.
I hope they have more strength than
I had… and I hope they never
forget who I was before the devil took hold of my
innocent soul!
I was the little girl with the smile and the chocolate all
over my face.
