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Adam's Secret Life by Shauna O'
Juliana was quiet the next morning at breakfast and Adam was feeling the first small tug of guilt at his conscience for dragging her into this. She was first to break the silence.
"What is the problem, then. You love him and yet here you are. He doesn't love you?"
"Oh, he loves me, alright. The problem is that right now he hates me, too."
"Well, you know what they say about the fine line."
"In this case I'd say he has every right. He found out some things about my past and I don't know if he can ever forgive me. I tried to explain, to tell him I'd changed but he was angry, so angry. I really think he could've taken my head. It was so long ago." Adam rubbed his hands over his face. Julie could see he was close to breaking.
"Adam, what in God's name did you do?" she whispered. She walked over to stand in front of him and pulled his hands down to clasp them in her own. "Tell me." she implored.
"Nothing in God's name, many things in the devil's name. Terrible things. I could live to be 10,000 years old and not make up for what I did. Julie, you have no idea, times were different then. I was taken against my will, again and again, until my survival depended upon participation in this abomination against mankind. I was death. Mothers invoked my name to frighten disobedient children. We raped, killed, plundered for a thousand years and some part of me began to enjoy it. That is the truly horrifying part. The power was addictive, exhilarating; we were invincible. And I was so good at it." Adam watched her exression change as he told her the story in greater detail...watched the love go out of her eyes as he held nothing back, her devotion replaced by fear as the words tumbled out of him but he couldn't stop. He needed to tell his version of history to someone whatever the outcome.
They stood inches apart his hands still held in hers, rooted to the spot. He continued until he felt her start to shake, only a little at first, then as the sobs broke from her, her whole body vibrating as she went into shock. Her knees buckled and he caught her up in his arms, holding her as she cried.
It was some time later when she had had time to absorb everything, that she came back to herself, sitting in the windowbox. She looked over at the couch where Adam, <"no...Methos." she reminded herself> sat watching her, concern etched into his face. He waited patiently for her to speak but she stood up and crossed the room to him.
"Methos." she whispered. "I had no idea. It's more than a little overwhelming and yet I look at you and it's "Adam" I see." She extended a tentative hand and caressed his face, drifting her fingers across the high cheekbone and down along his jaw until her small hand cupped his chin. His eyes misted under her scrutiny.
"What do you want me to do? Take his place. Let you stay here and hide from him, pretend that none of this happened?"
"Yes, that's exactly what I want." he said without conviction.
"No it isn't. What you really want is forgiveness and not from me. Go back and find what you need. He'll get over it, but not without your help. Convince him that you're not that person anymore. You can do it Adam, if he loves you at all. I have faith in you." She realized that in her heart, she hoped he would stay, but she fully expected him to go.
He considered her suggestion as though he were examining it as an option for the first time. It was easier for him to choose to leave when the going got tough; it was a course of action which had saved his life time and time again. And in the face of Duncan's outrage and condemnation, leaving hadn't been an option but a necessity. But how much time would ease that pain of finding out exactly who Methos was. Allow too much time to pass and the next time they face each other it could be as enemies. After all, there can be only one.

To be continued Back to index