Mood:
sharpNow Playing: "El Tango de Roxanne" from the Moulin Rouge soundtrack
Has it really been so long since I last updated?
I am flat broke. I have like $8,and that's in change.
The Family Trip
My family and I went to Tennessee for Memorial weekend. We went to visit my Dad's parents. That took, like, all the money we had. And my money. (Well, mom and I shopped, so I spent all but $20 on that.) The $20 then went to buy food on the ride back.
God, I HATE being broke.
So, anyway, the trip. On the ride up there, I was in the very back of the van. And the roads were all whin-dy and hill-y. So about right before we got there I got car sick.
Once we arrived, we pretty much went right to bed. I took a shower first though. The shower was just... ew. It was all miscolored, and looked like it hadn't been cleaned in a while. I grinned and bore it.
Then, I had share a bed with Jacob. That child snores. Well, somewhat. It was more like heavy breathing... But he curled up, like, right next me. And he would (randomly)twitch his whole body during the night. (He had a lot of caffeine before that, so that might be why.)
The next day, Dad and Jacob went down to Kentucky to our property, while me and Mom shopped. We went to Clarksville mall. I got Chicago on DVD, some new headphones (the left ear in my other pair was going in and out), the new Angel Sanctuary and Ceres, and a kick-ass Batman backpack.
I love that backpack. It is so cool. It has a detachable flashlight that is the Bat-signal when you press the button. Very cool.
Hehe, I feel like a little kid.
But, after shopping, me and Mom went back to my grandparent's house and sat around. We did that the next day, too. Then, today, we started to head home. We stopped at this Homestead place. It's a farm that shows you what life was like in 1850.
It would suck living back then. I had to wash some clothes by hand, lol. I wasn't going to volunteer, but my Dad pushed me forward and forced me to. It wasn't that bad, really. Just a little awkward.
That's about it. Later today, I just hung around. Not much else to do.
The "A" Ordeal and the Lame Duck
Now, this isn't on here for any particular reason. I just feel like venting some pent-up feelings.
Now, for the sake of SOME privacy, the guy mentioned in here will be "A". (If you read previous entries, or know me personally, then you probably know who A is...)
I started liking A last year, my Freshman year. It was weird how we noticed each other. I was walking through the hall after lunch, running late as usual, and I remember my Mom would tell me to smile at someone -- it may just make their day. So I see this boy in the hall, and I smile politely. I didn't particularly pay attention to him -- I just smiled as I passed him.
Different, huh?
Skipping ahead, I didn't really know him. He asked for my number before, and I'll admit, I liked him. Not really LIKED him, but was just interested in him, you know? Then I talked to him later that night on the phone, and then I was just like "Eh. You're not that great. Whatever." (Okay, I didn't say that to him. But that was my mental reaction.)
(Erica says hi! ^^;)
I could tell from the very moment that I started talking to him that he was a player whose only interest was sex, pot, and partying. He was cocky and thought he was THE ladies man.
But I never really liked him. I especially didn't like him after I talked to him.
So, a year later, he asks me for my number again, claiming that he lost it. So I talk to him again, and nothing has changed.
He compliments me on how hot I am. And how when I'm older, I'll look my mom, then he'll have to marry me (that both creeped me out and offended me). And that I turn him on.
Sure, some of it was flattering, but geez. I mean, complimenting me on my looks is okay, but why not compliment me on my personality? It's a big black hole there, ya know.
He said that I was "cool". Well fuck, I already KNEW that.
Now, down to the point of all of this: I never really liked HIM to begin with.
Although it may sound terrible, I like that he liked me. I liked that he had an interest in me, physical or not. You know, as I was growing up, I never attracted boys. So it's just kind of nice to know that I can, and not really try. It's not like I stringed him along for his attention; I never even initiated anything. He was the one that asked for my number, and when he'd talk to me, I'd talk back.
I dunno, I just always felt kind of like the ugly duckling. When I was little, I never noticed. But when I hit puberty, I did. I didn't really feel like I was ugly, but just that I wasn't really good enough, or I was just lacking something. That's why when a guy took an interest in me, I would latch onto it.
Of course, now I don't latch much anymore. Even if I don't have guys chasing me to my doorstep, I get quite a few looks and stares. Now I just ignore them. They're just over-hormonal guys.
I dunno, even if my ugly duckling feeling is pretty much gone (it only surfaces occassionally, now), I feel like a lame duck sometimes. (What's with all the ducks in this post?)
You know, it seems like all my friends have a talent of some kind. But I can't really think of any of mine.
I have two left feet (I'll admit to that). I might be able to sing, I dunno. When I do, I don't really sing out loud. I can't draw. I can't play an instrument. I can write, but it's nothing compared to an actual writer's abilities. I can make graphics, but what will that get me in life?
I just feel... like there's something out there that I'm good at, but I just can't quite grasp it.
I'm empathic, but what am I supposed to do with that? I don't want to rely on just that for my career.
Sometimes I just feel like an untalented, awkward, lame duck.
But that's okay. Because I know something will work it's way into my life. I know it in the back of my mind.
The Beauty and the Beast and misc.
So, Erica sent me Nightwish's Beauty and the Beast a couple of weeks ago. I listened to it, got obsessed, and have started making Phantom of the Opera graphics based around the song.
So I shall post them here. But, since I will be updating them as I make them, the very first graphic will be at the bottom, the second will be the second from last, etc. etc.
Due to how graphic-heavy this page is (and definately will be now), I'll probably only leave the pics up for a couple more days. Then they go away, and the links for them will be provided.
Oh, I got a puppy! Isn't she cute? Her name is Cassie, and she's heading on 9 weeks old. She's a handful. Now that it's summer, my parents plan on waking me up at night when she gets up wanting to go to the bathroom. Fun, fun. 
She's still great, though. She's a good dog.
It's about time I headed out. It's going on 12:30 now, and I have to let the dog out soon. Later everybody.