Chapter 8: So Dark...

The Fellowship had gone down the mountain, and was now at the entrance of Moria. Yet, where was the door?

Merry: Um, this is all nice and good... but when are we actually going in?

Gandalf: Patience... *looks up at the sky, as a cloud moves and the moon shines down on the stone, and outlined the gate* See? What did I tell you? Now, it says Speak Friend and Enter... which means all we have to say is the password...

Frodo: And that would be?

Gandalf: *says something in Elvish, and expects the door to open, but it doesn't* That's strange; it's supposed to open.

Beatrice: Aw Geez! *walks to the back where Sam and Aragorn are*

Aragorn: I don't think it's a good idea to drag poor old Bill into Moria...

Sam: Yeah, it's best for him to go free; he's a good pony, and'll find his way back... *lets Bill go free* Be free, Bill!

Beatrice: *wipes eye* And I was getting to be fond of that pony!

Pippin: Did anyone say something about going free? (Note: for those of you who have read the book, think back to the barrow wight, and what the hobbits did afterwards... hehehe)

Merry: Yeah, for some reason, I'm feeling the urge to go naked and run around...

Sam: I know what you mean...

Beatrice: *backs away slowly* Um, bye! *runs back to the front, where Gandalf is sitting on a rock, confused*

Gandalf: I thought that that was the password?

Frodo: *inspects the words* Hmm... I think it has a double meaning! Gandalf, what's the Elvish word for friend?

Gandalf: *says the word*

Once Gandalf said this, the stone parted and they could enter Moria.

Gandalf: Good job, Frodo! *pats him on the head*

Frodo: *basking in the glory*

Gimli: Come on! Let's go! *walking towards the entrance*

But while they had been waiting, Pippin, who had decided not to go nude, had busied himself with throwing rocks into the icky lake. And in doing so, he had awoken the (dun dun DUN!) monster of the lake! The water started frothing, and scared out of his wits, the foolish young hobbit ran off inside the cave.

Frodo: Hey, what's wrong? *follows him in*

Pip: Oh, nothing...

Sam: *walks in after the two. sees some decaying corpses lying around* Uh... this doesn't look like what Gimli told us about...

Merry: *inside, too* You're right...

Merry and Pippin: IT'S A GRAVEYARD! AAAAAH! *run out, followed by Sam and Frodo*

Beatrice: *about to walk in but spins around when the mob of screaming hobbits runs out*

Gimli: *sees the corpses* No.... it can't be....

Gandalf: *walks in followed by Aragorn* But it is...

Aragorn: Apparently, someone else got here first...

But as the hobbits were outside, the monster of the lake's tentacles shot out and grabbed the first thing it could lay its suckers on: Frodo's leg!

Frodo: Aaaaaaah!

Others: Frodo!

Legolas: *starts shooting arrows at it*

Boromir and Aragorn: *try chopping its tentacles off using their swords*

Frodo: HELP!

Beatrice: Oh, this is taking too long! *hops on the monster and starts tickling its tentacles*

Legolas: *to the hobbits while shooting arrows* Is she insane?

Merry: I think...

Pippin: But that's not such a bad idea! *hops on and starts tickling the monster's tentacles*

Merry: BONZAI! *grabs a nearby tentacle and tickles it*

The monster was about to stuff Frodo into its mouth, when a strange feeling overcame it. The foul creature had never felt this sensation before. It felt odd... but so good!

Monster: H-H-H-hu-hu-HA! HAHAHAHA! *throws Frodo back on land*

Merry, Pippin, Beatrice, and now, the rest of the fellowship: *keep tickling the monster*

Monster: HAHAHA! Heeheehee! Hohohoho! *goes under the water, still laughing*

Everyone: *stop tickling the monster and run over to Frodo*

Sam: Mr. Frodo? Are you okay?

Pippin: Are you bleeding?

Merry: Are your bones squished?

Frodo: I'm FINE!!!!! Thanks to you guys!

Beatrice: It was my idea!

Frodo: Well, then, thanks!

Beatrice: You're welcome!

Gandalf: It's a good thing you're alright, Frodo. But now we must continue on!

Pippin: But... but...

Gandalf: No buts! We must go into Moria, corpses or not!

Gimli: *stifles a sob*

Legolas: It'll be okay... I'm sure SOMEONE'S alive...

Gimli: Thank you, but that isn't very comforting...

And so they proceeded inside. Once inside, another gate opened and darkness enveloped them.

Beatrice: Guys, to keep us from getting lost, I think we should tie ourselves together!

Merry: Huh?

Beatrice: Look, here's what I mean: we'll take our suspenders and tie 'em together! That's not too hard to understand! This way we won't get lost in the dark!

Pippin: One problem: my trousers will fall down!

Beatrice: First of all, I doubt that would happen and second of all, no one'll see you in the dark.

Pippin: Well, okay... *hands her his suspenders*

Merry: Okay, I don't really wear suspenders, but I have some in my sack... *takes suspenders out and gives 'em to her*

Beatrice: Sam? You in on this?

Sam: Sounds like a good idea! *gives her some suspenders*

Beatrice: What about you, Frodo?

Frodo: No thanks, I'm sure I won't get lost...

Beatrice: Fine, your loss... *takes off her suspenders (Beatrice: Yes!) and ties 'em around her waist, and then ties the other end around Pip's waist. then ties Merry's suspenders around his waist, and around Pip's. and the same for Sam* There! We're all set! Now, we won't get lost!

Sometime later...

Gandalf: *sits down* I dunno this place...

Pippin: I guess this means we're lost.

Sam: I thought we wouldn't get lost?

Beatrice: Well, my plan only applies to separation, if you get my drift.

Meanwhile...

Frodo: Hey, Gandalf! I saw something following us!

Gandalf: *nonchalantly* Oh, that's Gollum; he's been following us for three days...

Beatrice: Whaddaya mean, 'three days'?! He was with us in Bree! He stole my clothes there!

Others: .....

Beatrice: I swear he did!

Others: .....

Beatrice: You think I enjoy wearing hobbit drag?

Boromir: Well, duh! (Pippin: Since when does he say 'duh'? Merry: Since he met Beatrice! Both: *snicker*)

Beatrice: *throws him a dirty look*

Boromir: *throws her a dirty look, right back*

Legolas: *stands between them* Break it up, you two!

Gandalf: Hey, now I remember! Follow me! *walks up some stairs*

And so, Gandalf saved everyone from witnessing a catfight between Beatrice and Boromir.

Not too far away...

Gollum: *dancing around, shaking his hips* I'm too sexy for my jeans! Too sexy for my shirt! Too sexy for my precioussssssss!