Chapter 6: Bird Poop

Note: Yes, the chapter is called bird poop! Unlike my most recent chapters, I will try to make this one short.

The fellowship of the ring had left Rivendell, and was heading for Mordor (*shudder*). Meanwhile, Beatrice, unhappy with her curly hair, was trying to style it.

Beatrice: GAH! I can't do anything with this hair! It's too curly!

Pippin: *imitates Beatrice in a mocking tone* 'I can't do anything with this hair!'

Merry, and Sam: *laughing like jacka--es*

Beatrice: Oh shut up! *lifts her hair into a messed up ponytail* Nah! *lets it down*

Merry: Hey, lift your hair again!

Beatrice: Why? You're gonna make fun of me some more?!

Merry: Well, Pippin was making fun of you, but that's not it...

Beatrice: Whatever... *lifts hair to humor Merry*

Sam: *stares at her* That's odd...

Beatrice: What is?

Merry: I didn't believe my eyes at first, but it's real...

Beatrice: What is?

Pippin: *staring at her* Yup, it's as real as it can be!

Beatrice: *grabs Pippin by the collar* SPIT IT OUT, Fuzzball!!! WHAT IS IT?!!!!

Pippin: *scared, stutters* Your... your... your...

Strider: *passes by and stares at Beatrice, too* Hmmm... never noticed that pointy ear of yours, before. *walks to the front of the group*

Beatrice: My ear? *lets go of Pippin (Pip: -sigh of relief-)* *feels her right ear* Ohh! *laughs* My EAR! Oh, don't worry! I was born with one pointy ear!

Sam: I dunno what ear YOU'RE talkin' about, but the one I saw was on THAT side... *points to her other ear*

Beatrice: My other ear? But... but... it can't be? You've gotta be kiddin' me! *feels her left ear* You're not. *moans* Ohhhh! This is horrible! I think I see what's happening! First the curly hair, now pointy ears: I'm turning into a hobbit!

Pippin: And what's so bad about that?

Beatrice: Well, I'm a human, that's one, and second, if I'm slowly turning into a hobbit, that means that soon I'll have hairy feet, like you guys!

Sam, Merry, and Pippin: *look at their furry feet proudly*

Merry: I really don't see a problem with hairy feet...

Beatrice: Well, I do!

Meanwhile, while Beatrice was suffering oh-so-badly over her new ear, and her soon to come, furry feet, the group had made it over quite some distance and had arrived at a rocky hill. They paused to rest, while Gandalf pondered if they should go over the snowy mountain.

Gimli: We should go to the Mines of Moria! There, the Dwarves will treat you like kings!

Beatrice: Oh, and what's that supposed to mean? Your friends are gonna treat me like a guy? Cuz if they do, I am gonna throw a hissy fit!

Pippin: Oh yeah, like we haven't seen enough of those!

Beatrice: *kicks Pippin once more in the shin*

Pippin: OUCHIES! *runs away to Boromir who is giving free sword-fighting lessons*

Boromir: Doin' good, kid...

Pippin: *blocking with his sword*

Boromir: Doin' good, doin' good... GOTCHA! *gets Pippin with the sword*

Pippin: HEY! *jumps on Boromir*

Merry: BELLY FLOP! *jumps on Boromir, too*

Beatrice: HAHA!

Bormir, Merry, and Pippin: *stop fighting to stare at Beatrice* YAH! *jump on Beatrie*

Beatrice: ARGH! GET OFF!

Borormir, Merry, and Pippin: *don't get off*

Beatrice: You've been warned... *screams REALLY loud* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

And when they finally got off of Beatrice, who was now satisfied, the hills were still ringing with the sound of her voice. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a big bag cloud started moving toward them.

Sam: Huh?

Boromir: *in aloud red-neck voice* Hey, Gandalf! There's birds a' comin'!

Gandalf: They're spies of Saruman! HIDE!

In a moment everyone had ran into a nook or cranny of some sort, and hid, except for Beatrice, who no one wanted to share their hiding spot with, being that it was her loud voice that had brought the birdies there in the first place.

And so, she cowered with her hands over her head right in the center of the hill. But for some strange reason, the birds paid no attention to Beatrice (as she wasn't exactly a Middle Earth Creature), except for one bird who pooped on her. (Beatrice: Eeew!) And it was a good thing that this bird had poor eyesight, so Saruman couldn't see Beatrice sitting there. And so, the evil wizard expected that they had already moved on.

Everyone: *comes out*

Beatrice: *angrily* Thanks a lot!

Pippin: You're welcome!

Beatrice: *stomps over to Pippin* How about a hug?

Pippin: No thanks!

But Beatrice gets a hold of Pippin before he can escape, and gives him a big hug, sharing the poop on her, with him. And so, the group moved on to the big snowy mountain, along with two poop-covered hobbits- er, one poop- covered hobbit, and one poop-covered girl/hobbit.