Chapter Five: Elves, and Dwarves, and Humans... Oh my!

The group had walked out of Bree, and Beatrice was fidgeting with her suspenders.

Beatrice: *moans*

Pippin: What's your problem?

Beatrice: These damn... suspenders... are killing me!

Strider: Hey, it's not our problem if you like wearing drag!

Beatrice: I don't! Don't you remember? Gollum stole my clothes!

Frodo: Uh huh...

Sam: Riiiiiight...

Beatrice: What? You don't believe me?

Merry: Well, it's not that... it's just why would Gollum steal your clothes?

Beatrice: How should I know?

And with that, they continue walking in silence.

Meanwhile, not too far away from them....

Gollum: *is wearing Beatrice's jeans and shirt* My precioussssss! *stops muttering 'precious' for a moment* Hey! You have got to admitttttttttt.... thesssssssse jeanssssssssssss look a lot better on meeeeeeee!

Back at the group...

Beatrice: Strider, exactly where are we going?

Strider: Well, we're going to Rivendell-

Beatrice: Riverdale? Oh, my brother's girlfriend comes from there!

Everyone: *gawks at Beatrice*

Beatrice: Never mind...

Strider: As I was saying... we're going to Rivendell, but tonight we're staying at Weathertop.

Beatrice: Oh.

One minute later...

Beatrice: Are we there yet?

Strider: No.

Pippin: Are we there yet?

Strider: No.

Merry: Are we there yet?

Strider: No.

Sam: *wasn't paying attention* Hey, Strider, are we there yet?

Strider: *turns to face Sam* NO! For Pete's sake! Stop asking me if we're there yet! CUZ WE'RE NOT!!!!!!!!!

Sam: *looks at the ground* Geez... I was only askin'...

Beatrice: *puts hand on Sam's shoulder* It's okay Sam, SOME people have no manners!

Everyone minus Strider: *gives Strider a dirty look*

Pippin: Um, Strider? Who's Pete?

After several hours, the group arrives at a big hill with rocks coming out of it, and stone structures on top of it.

Strider: We're here!

Pippin: Weathertop?

Beatrice: Yes, WEATHERTOP, you dum dum! Where else? Ellis Island?

Everyone: *stares at Beatrice*

Beatrice: Never mind...

The group had climbed up, and found a comfy spot tucked away inside Weathertop. Strider went off to the very top, while the hobbits- um, Beatrice AND the hobbits unpacked and made themselves at home.

Frodo: *sits quietly thinking*

the others: *make a fire*

Beatrice: Now, does everyone have those marshmallows we stole from Mr. Butterbur?

Merry, Pippin, and Sam: *take marshmallows out of pockets and show 'em to Beatrice*

Beatrice: Good. Now take a stick and poke the stick through the marshmallows.

Merry, Pippin, and Sam: *do just that*

Beatrice: Now this part is a teensy bit hard... hold the stick (the part with the marshmallow) and hold it over the fire.

Pippin: Oh, that's not hard! *holds his stick over the fire, but ends up getting the marshmallow on fire* Aaaaah! *starts waving the stick with the flaming marshmallow around*

Merry, Sam, and Beatrice: Hahahahahaha!

Pippin: *sticks the stick into the ground and finally gets the fire out, but now had a black, roasted, and dirty marshmallow*

Frodo: *suddenly wakes from his thoughts* You fools! What are you doing! *starts stamping on the fire, and gets it out*

Beatrice: What? I was just teachin' 'em how to roast marshmallows...

Frodo: Do you people want the Black Riders to come and get you? And you! *turns to Pippin* Waving that marshmallow around, practically signaling to the Black Riders!

Pippin: *blushes in the darkness*

Sam: Don't worry, Mr. Frodo, Strider's here; he'll protect us... *looks around* Just right now, he's somewhere else... oh, I knew that Strider fellow wasn't to be trusted!

Frodo: It's okay, Sam. He's not gone... and you're right he will protect us... but still, you should've known better! All of you!

Beatrice, Merry, Pippin, and Sam: *look down at the ground, sad* We're sorry.

Frodo: Alright, it's okay, just as long as you don't do that anymore. I'm going to sleep. Good night! *lies down and goes to sleep*

Merry: *whispers* More marshmallows for us!

Beatrice: Hehehe...

Later, after they finally shut their eyes, they could the sound of hoofs, again. Frodo woke with a start, seeing shadows all around him. He got up, and started backing away. Hearing Frodo, and the hoofs, the others, too, woke up.

Beatrice: Huh? Uh oh... *gets up*

They all got up and started backing up. Slowly, they found themselves on the top of Weathertop, but Strider wasn't there. They huddled together, clutching their swords (except Beatrice, who didn't have a sword, and so, shivering stood behind Merry, Pippin and Sam. From every side of them, they could see the dark shadows. Just then the dark shadows came out into the light, and they saw the black riders, once more.

Sam: *stands in front of Frodo with his fists up*

Black Rider: *smacks Sam and he falls away*

Merry and Pippin: YAH! *run into the Black Riders, waving their swords around*

Black Rider: *makes them fly out of their way*

Beatrice: *backing up throws rocks at Black Riders*

Black Rider: *grabs Beatrice by the hair and throws her backwards, causing her to hit a large stone statue-thingy*

Beatrice: *slides down the wall with head bleeding*

Frodo: *backs up scared, but then trips, and keeps crawling away. puts the ring on, and everything goes silvery-white. the black rider is now a king and Frodo's about to give him the ring, when-*

Strider: YAH! *runs in with flaming sticks and gets the black riders away*

Frodo: *takes ring off*

Black Rider: *sees Frodo, and stabs him with a sword thingy*

Strider: *sets Black Rider on fire*

Black Rider: *runs away, flaming and waving its arms around*

Frodo: -gasp-

Beatrice and the hobbits: *get up and run over to Frodo* Frodo!

Sam: Strider! Do something!

Sam: *lifts up Frodo's shirt and examines the cut, then examines the sword, which melts* This isn't good... Frodo's been stabbed by a ringwraith's sword, and his wound is beyond my help... the elves are better at this stuff...

Beatrice: But we gotta do something!

Merry: *stroking Frodo* He'll die!

Frodo: *gasping and shaking*

Strider: There is a plant that can help a little... Sam, you're gonna help me...

Sam and Strider: *go looking behind bushes*

Pippin: *scared* It's okay, Frodo... you'll be okay...

Just then, Strider and Sam returned with not only the plant, but also an elf!

Sam: Who's that?

Strider: This is Arwen; she's going to try and help us.

Arwen: *kneels down to look at Frodo and starts talkng to Frodo in Elvish* 'Frodo, my name is Arwen. I want to help you. Hear my voice and come into the light' *in English* I will take him to Rivendell on my horse.

Strider: But the wraiths...

Arwen: I am not afraid of them, and I am faster on my horse.

Strider: *puts the gasping Frodo on Arwen's horsy*

Arwen: *just as she's getting on the horse, she notices Beatrice in hobbit drag* Little girl, why are you wearing hobbit drag?

Beatrice: First of all, I'm not a little girl; I'm 13! And second of all, that son of a monkey, Gollum, stole my clothes in Bree!

Everyone: ....

Beatrice: He did!

Arwen: We must be off! *rides off*

Beatrice: *to Merry* He did!

Merry: Yes... I'm sure...

The next day, they had arrived in Rivendell, where Beatrice, Merry, and Pippin watched Sam sitting by Frodo, outside of Frodo's window. They had not been allowed in, as Frodo needed rest, and couldn't have too many people in his room, gawking at him. They had been standing on top of each other's shoulders to see something.

Merry: *at the bottom* What's going on there?

Pippin: *above him* Yeah, what's going on?

Beatrice: *on top* I... can't... see...

Pippin: You weigh too much!

Beatrice: Do not!

Pippin: Do too!

Beatrice: Do not!

Pippin: Do too!

Sam: *walks over and closes the window*

Beatrice, Merry and Pippin: Aaaaah! *fall down*

Beatrice: Ahhh... thanks for breaking my fall, guys! *walks off*

Merry and Pippin: *lie squished on the floor* Don't mention it!

When, Sam came out, they all ran to him, and started badgering him with questions.

Beatrice: Is Frodo okay?

Merry: Is he alive?

Pippin: Are you gonna eat that? *referring to the apple Sam is holding*

Sam: Yes, yes, and YES!

Beatrice and Merry: Good.

Pippin: Awww!

And when Frodo himself came out, they ran out and starting hugging him.

Beatrice: Frodo! You're okay!

Merry: Frodo! You're alive!

Pippin: Frodo! You gonna eat that? *referring to the apple that Frodo is now holding*

Sam: Master Frodo! *hugs him and practically picks him up in doing so* And yes, Pippin, he WILL eat that!

Pippin: Awwww!

Frodo: Guys, I missed you! And actually, I'm not that hungry, you can have it, Pip! *throws Pippin the apple*

Pippin: *eats the apple ravenously*

Frodo: Hey, guys! Gandalf and Bilbo are here!

Beatrice: Great! So Gandalf's not dead, and Bilbo's not dead, either!

Everyone: ....

Frodo: Um yeah, well, look what Bilbo gave me! *takes out a sword and a white thingy that looks like a wedding dress*

Pippin: Cool! A wedding dress!

Frodo: But not just any wedding dress! It's bullet proof!

Merry, Pippin, and Sam: What are bullets?

Frodo: Dunno...

Everyone: ....

Merry: Okay, well, what about the sword?

Frodo: It weighs less than a feather!

Everyone: Ooooh...

Frodo: But wait there's more! It glows when there are orcs around!

Everyone: Ahhhhh...

Frodo: But wait there's more! It's made by elves!

Everyone: ....

Frodo: That's a good thing.

Beatrice: Um... cool?

Frodo: Whatever... anyways, did I mention I missed you guys?

Everyone: *starts hugging*

Some time later, everyone except for Beatrice, Merry, Pippin, and Sam went to a meeting to discuss the ring and whatnot. (Beatrice, Merry, Pippin, and Sam: Racka Fracka....!)

Gandalf: My friends, Saruman the white, my mentor, has gone bad! When visiting him, he gave me the thrashing of my life! (Beatrice: My brother once got abused by a teacher; my parents took him out of the school! Others: ....) Sauron has corrupted him, and now Saruman is on the dark side (Beatrice: *to Pippin* Luke, I am your father! Pippin: *confused* I'm Pippin.) And now, Sauron is going to get his ring back (Beatrice: boo! Others: *whisper* Shaddap!). We have the ring here, itself. Frodo, put the ring there *points to a coffee table made of stone*

Frodo: *puts the ring there*

Ring: Brrrr! This coffee table is cold! (Beatrice: Is it just me, or did that ring talk? Others: ....)

Boromir: *stands up* I think we should the ring for good, to restore the power of Gondor... or something like that.

Strider: It's no use! The ring'll corrupt you, and it's only best if it's destroyed!

Boromir: Oh yeah? And what say does a stupid little ranger have in this, eh?

Legolas: *stands up* That stupid little ranger happens to be Aragorn, son of Arathorn, son of.... -blah blah blah- and that makes him the heir of Isildur!

Boromir: *feeling stupid* Oh.... I'll sit down now... *sits down*

Legolas: Yeah, you better sit down!

Boromir: Make him stop yelling at me!

Elrond: Legolas, sit down and be quiet!

Legolas: *sits down* Yessir.

Gimli: YAH! *whacks the ring with his axe, only to have it break and him fall back* Huh?

Elrond: You moron! The ring isn't going to break if you whack it with an axe!

Gimli: *looks confused*

Gandalf: This ring was made in Mount Doom (Beatrice: Where I come from rings are made in Tiffany's!), and so, to destroy it, it must be thrown into the fiery cracks of Mount Doom (which is in Mordor... just ta let ya know!)! so... that being said, who wants to do it?

Gimli: *gets up* I think the elves should do it! I mean, all they do is sit around all safe and sound here in Rivendell, not doin' nothin'!

Legolas: *gets up, too* For your information, I'm not from around here!

Everyone: *gets up and starts yelling*

Frodo: *stands up* Um, I'll do it...

Everyone: *still yelling*

Beatrice: HE SAID HE'LL DO IT! *then quickly covers her mouth*

Everyone: *quiets down*

Frodo: I'll do it... but I don't know how to get there.

Gandalf: *smiles* My brave little hobbit, you will have my companionship!

Strider: And my sword! (Beatrice: Dang! That thing must be cheap if he's givin' it away!)

Legolas: And my bow! (Beatrice: I didn't know he wore bows?)

Gimli: And my axe! (Beatrice: His a- Others: Shaddap!)

Boromir: Me, too! I'm coming too!

Sam: *runs out* Frodo! You're not going anywhere without me!

Elrond: Yes, it seems you two are inseparable, even at a private meeting where you're not invited!

Sam: *blushes*

Merry and Pippin: *run out* We're comin', too!

Pippin: Yeah, and besides, you'll need someone with some intelligence!

Merry: That means you're out, Pip!

Everyone: Ahahahaha!

Elrond: Good, that seems like enough!

Beatrice: *swings in on a vine* A-eeeee-aaaaaa-eeee-aaaaaah! *falls on top of Sam* (Sam: Now, when has this happened before?) I've got nothin' better to do, so I'm comin', too!

Everyone: YAY!

And so, the Fellowship of the Ring is formed, containing Elves, Dwarves, humans, a wizard, and five hobbits! (Beatrice: I'm not a hobbit!)