Chapter 4: Drunkenness, Peeping Toms, and Curly Hair

After escaping the Black Rider, the five- er, FOUR hobbits and Beatrice arrived at Bree (well, the gates, anyway!). It was raining as they got off the boat.

Merry: That was fun!

Pippin: Lets do it again!

Sam: *faints*

Frodo: Sam?

Beatrice: I'm sure he's fine! Can we PLEASE get a move on?

Frodo: *shakes head* Whatever…

Everyone: *dragging Sam's body over to the gate and starts pounding on the gate*

Harry the Gatekeeper: *opens a window thingy and looks through, sees Hobbits, and opens lower window thingy* What do you want, and where do you come from?

Frodo: We wish to stay at the inn… we're journeying east, and we can't go any further!

Harry: Hobbits! Five hobbits! (Beatrice: I'm not a hobbit!) And from the Shire, by their talk… (Beatrice: I'm from New York!) We don't see Shire folk on the road at night… don't mind my askin' but what brings you here to Bree, and what are your names?

Beatrice: It does-n't matter* what our names are! Hehe…

Everyone: *stares at Beatrice*

Beatrice: It's a joke…you know, funny, haha… oh forget it!

Harry: *opens gate for them* Okay, okay! I meant no offence!

Everyone: *walks through dragging Sam*

Sam: *blinks* Pippin, do me a favor: don't ever mention 'doing that again'. *gets up*

Pippin: Okay.

The group of hobbits- er, hobbits and Beatrice walked through the streets of Bree. Men passing by seemed like giants to them. Finally, they neared a building with a sign that said 'The Prancing Pony', that had a picture of a pony dancing.

Beatrice: *chuckles* I wonder what that pony is on…

They walked into the inn, and saw more men walking about, as well as some dwarves and a few hobbits, too. A short fat man with sideburns walked over to them.

Mr. Butterbur: Barliman Butterbur, at your service, little master! What may you be wanting?

Frodo: Beds for five, please…

Mr. Butterbur: Right away, sir, I've got a room built special for hobbits! On the ground floor, with round windows, just as they like it! *hobbits grin* But first, what may your name be?

Frodo: Underhill… Mr. Underhill…

Mr. Butterbur: Alright, Mr. Underhill! Now, I have to be off, make yourselves at home!

And with that, Mr. Butterbur walked out. The group was left alone in the common room, and being quite hungry, they sat down at a table, with their short feet dangling.

Pippin: *sees some men with large beer bottles/cups* Um, bye! *runs off to the bar*

Merry: I'll, uh, go with Pippin! *runs after Pippin*

Sam: *shakes head* You know, I'm rather parched myself. I think I'll get something to drink, as well. *goes off to get a drink*

Beatrice: Hey, Frodo, are you gonna go and get yourself drunk, too?

Frodo: No, I think I'll stay here… you?

Beatrice: I'll probably stay, too… I don't drink… besides, I doubt they have ginger ale!

Frodo: *has no clue what 'ginger ale' is, so he just nods and smiles*

Beatrice: *notices some strange, hooded guy staring at Frodo* Um, Frodo? Do you know that guy over there? Cuz he keeps starin' at ya…

Frodo: *looks at the guy* No, I dunno who he is…

Meanwhile, Pippin could be seen by the bar talking a little TOO loudly.

Pippin: -hic- Did you hear what happened at Bilbo Baggins's party? He was givin' his speech, and then he va-

(Note: the following is from the book, and not from the movie, cuz I liked it better)

Just then, Frodo jumped up on a table and started saying how grateful he was for being welcomed so kindly. Then a random guest said Frodo should sing a song.

Not knowing what to do, Frodo sang the first thing that popped into his mind:

'There is an inn, a merry old inn

beneath an old grey hill,

And there they brew a beer so brown

That the Man in the Moon himself came down

One night to drink his fill…'

While Frodo sang, Beatrice had gone over to the bar, to have a better view.

Beatrice: *to Pippin* You know, where I come from, we have a song like that… I just forgot how it goes…

Pippin: -hic- Ya don't say!

After a few more rounds, Frodo jumped in the air, but he slipped and fell the table, and the ring fell on his finger, causing him to vanish.

Guests: -gasp-

Hobbits: -hic-

Beatrice: Uh oh…

Lying on the floor, Frodo took his ring off, and found the hooded guy standing above him.

Hooded guy: Nice way of staying hidden… *grabs Frodo and shoves him up the stairs*

Sam: Where's that strange guy taking Master Frodo?

Merry: We gotta -hic- save him! *stands up*

Pippin: *stands up* That's right! -hic- We've gotta help him!

Beatrice: *gets up, too* Okay, but don't do anything stupid; this guy could be armed…

Everyone: *climb up the stairs, walk to the room where the guy walked into, and then open the door* YAH!

Sam: *holds up fists* I'LL POUND YOU TO A PULP!

Merry: *waves a candlestick around*

Pippin: *holds up his beer bottle/cup threateningly*

Beatrice: *stands in Karate pose* I know Karate!

Everyone: WHAT?

Beatrice: Oh, never mind!

Hooded Guy: Calm yourselves, hobbits (Beatrice: I'm not a hobbit!), I won't hurt your precious Mr. Underhill…

Hobbits, Beatrice, and Frodo: *let out a sigh of relief*

Sam: Well, then what DO you want?

Hooded Guy: I am called Strider, and I have something of importance to tell you… but it will come with a price…

Frodo: *raises his eyebrow* What might that be?

Strider: That you let me come along with you.

Sam: *whispers to Frodo* I don't trust this guy, Mr. Frodo…

Strider: You might not trust me, but I know my way around the land, and my knowledge will come in handy…

Beatrice: *yawns* Listen up, guys, I'm tired, and I'm sure that whatever decision you make will be for the better. *goes out the door*

Beatrice went into the room in which they were to stay, and crept into her bed. But as she lay down she smelled a most putrid smell… and sadly, that smelled belonged to her and her alone.

Beatrice: *sits up* Oh my God! I stink! I am SOOOO taking a bath. *grabs some complimentary towels and bathrobes and goes out the door and into the bathroom*

Beatrice closed the door, and poured some hot water into a metal tub. After putting her clothes by the window, she climbed in and started scrubbing her body with some of the complimentary soap.

Meanwhile, back in Strider's room, they had received a letter for Frodo from Gandalf, explaining why he hadn't been there, and also explaining that Strider's real name was Aragorn, and that he was a friend of Gandalf's. The letter also said that they should head to Rivendell (Sam: ELVES live there!). And so, they finally decided to trust Strider and let him into their little group. Just then, the sound of hoofs was heard outside, and when they looked out the window, to their most utter horror, they saw the Black Riders.

Sam: They're heading towards the inn!

Frodo: They're probably gonna go to our room and-

Strider: -and try to kill you. That's why you all are going to stay here, tonight.

Pippin: *suddenly feeling a little less drunk* But what about Beatrice?

Merry: *also a little less drunk* Yeah! She's in there!

Strider: I'll go get her. Stay in here, and don't make a peep! *goes out of the room and closes the door behind him. Walks past the bathroom, and stops as he hears Beatrice singing in the bathroom*

Beatrice: *singing in the bathroom* Oh, well, I never! Was there ever- a cat so clever as Magical Mister Mistoffelees!

Strider: *thrusts open the door, not knowing she's bathing*

Beatrice: AAAAAAAH!

Strider: AAAAAAAH!

Beatrice: *throws complimentary soap at him*

Strider: *falls down*

Back in the room…

Merry: Strider's taking too long…

Pippin: You think they're dead?

Sam: *stands up* Oh, I can't take anymore of this! I'm going to see what's going on! *runs out the door*

Merry, Pippin and Frodo: *get up* YEAH! *run out after Sam*

Hobbits: *pass the bathroom and see Strider lying on the floor with soap lying next to him. Look up at Beatrice*

Beatrice: AAAAAAAH!

Hobbits: *loud girlish screams* AAAAAAH!

Beatrice: *throws some more complimentary soap at them*

Pippin: *dodges soap* Missed me!

Strider: *comes flying out, and lands on top of the hobbits* For a hobbit, that girl's got the strength of an ox!

Beatrice: I'm not a hobbit!

Strider and the Hobbits: *close door and run away to hide in the room*

Beatrice: Finally! Some privacy!

Beatrice finally finished bathing, and had got up to put her clothes on, but all she could find was her underwear.

Beatrice: Huh? *sees the window slightly open and can hear screams of 'My precious!' coming from outside* Aw geez! *puts on bathrobe and walks out of bathroom and into bedroom, to see that all the beds are ripped open and ripped to shreds. Goes to Strider's room, and peeks in* Um guys? Why are the beds in shreds?

Strider and the hobbits: Black Riders.

Beatrice: Oh… Um, Gollum sorta stole my clothes, and I was wonderin' if any of you had spare clothes…

Merry: *grins evilly* Oh course! Never leave home without my extra shirts and trousers!

Pippin: *grins evilly, too* I have suspenders if you're interested!

Beatrice: Ooh! I am SOOO gonna hate this!

Merry and Pippin: Hehehehe…

Later that night…

Beatrice: *while sleeping, mutters* Damn hobbits and their damn suspenders!

In the morning, everyone got up bright and early to leave Bree. Everyone except Beatrice, that is.

Pippin: Should we wake her up?

Merry: I think so…

Both: *grin evilly, and then jump on bed screaming 'rise and shine, sleepy head!'*

Beatrice: ARGH! *kicks them off her bed and dives under the covers*

Merry and Pippin: *throw off the covers*

Beatrice: DOUBLE ARGH! Oh, I give up! *sits up* You two are gonna SOOOO regret this!

Merry and Pippin: *staring at Beatrice weird*

Beatrice: What? Am I drooling? *feels face for spit* Nope, that's not it… okay, spit it out, fuzzballs!

Merry: Did you do something to your hair?

Beatrice: No… I was too busy last night trying to chase away four nosy hobbits and a nosy ranger… if you remember correctly! But seriously… what is it?

Pippin: Your hair… it's… it's…

Merry: It's curly!

Beatrice: Huh? *looks in mirror* Oh my God! You're right! What in the world…

Strider: *walks in* Okay, that's enough dozing around! Time to get up! Oh, and your hair's curly… makes you look more like a hobbit… *leaves*

And with that said, Merry, and Pippin went down, followed by the now-curly haired Beatrice.