After many problems, we are finally here with todays number of Mount Olympos News!! This is fresh off the fax machine as sent by our correspondent: Miss Meeps. So - without further ado - ready, Johnny? Get set! Lights, please ... Start! Aaaaand ACTION!! (Iīm just trying to make him feel at home ;-) )

CHAPTER FIVE.  Abduction.

Johnny Depp was late ... So he hurried into the Golden Swanīs lobby and across to the elevator. He came directly from Heathrow, and was suppose to meet Vanessa here at the MTW party.

It was a wonderful spring evening in London, so every body was outside enjoying the dayīs last warm sunshine, and Johnny stood alone in the elevator, while it took him to the 69th floor of the almost new and very expensive hotel.

When he arrived and got out, the worldīs most beautiful woman went past him in a cloud of rose scent, and mumbled "Why donīt you came up and see me sometime?" in a husky, seductive voice. And Johnny turned abruptly around and followed her into the elevator. Almost tripping himself in his eagerness ...

But a little voice yelled a protesting "Paaapa!!" in his head - or was it his heart? And he turned around once more, and stepped out of the elevator again. But .... he wasnīt in a posh hotel corridor anymore. Instead he stood in the middle of a luxurious, lush garden ....

With lilies and roses every where. In every imaginary size and colour. Hanging down - growing up - every where. Cooing doves showed off their shining white feathers among them. Little grey sparrows were very cute and very noisy. And red and grey squirrels compete and probably won the contest with them on both accounts. Cats lounges lazily every where the sun spreads its warmth, and looked very cuddly and ornate.

All this was so beautiful to look at and so delicious to smell, that Johnny just stood there - feeling dazed -and stared around him without really understanding, what he look at - what had happened - where he was .... His nose couldnīt handle all those beautiful scents, and went on strike - concentrating on a sweet, but slightly unpleasant odor coming from behind Johnny ... His brain announced "Goat" But before he could turn and have a look .... something very hard and even faster hit him from behind, and sent him flying over the green, green grass - completely knocking the air out of him in the landing.

"Oh, Ares! You naughty goat you ... Johnny is your friend too - you know that! I think, you are being a very silly pet now" a womanīs voice purred - sounding both exasperated and indulging at the same time. "And no matter, what he said all those years ago about sleeping with goats and ... He is human, Ares! The nanny-goats wouldnīt be interested, you know that! Even if Johnny .. were ... which he is NOT!"

Johnny finally managed to lift his head, turn a bit and look behind him - at the same gorgeous woman as before. Standing with one hand on the magnificently curled horn of a huge, shaggy brown and white billygoat - who didnīt look at all convinced, that Johnny was a friend of his ... and much less a friend of ours .....

The woman came over to Johnny, and started to help him get up on his feet again. All the while cooing; "Oh, did that bad goaty ram your poor little cute behind? There - there - letīs dust you off a bit, and ... Here! Let me kiss that little hand, and make it feel better .... Now it doesnīt hurt, does it, darling?"

Johnny thought: "In a moment, sheīll stick a comforter in my mouth and hand me a Teddy bear - at least she didnīt offer to kiss my ass like ... What is this!?!" He finally managed to ask the woman exactly that: "Who are you? And where are we? How the Hell - sorry, Maīm - but how did we get .. here .... And could you please do something about that goat? I think, he is backing up for another attack ..."

"Who, me? Iīm Aphrodite, of course - the goddess of love? And we are in my Garden Of Love. And in a moment, we are going to make wild, wonderful, sweet, tender love. The most passionate love - youīve ever experien .. ced ... Ares! You DO NOT ram him again! Go away, if you canīt be sweet!!"

Here Ares looked insulted to the very core of his being. He was not ... had never been ... and would certainly never be ... SWEET!!! The very idea - indeed!!! The goat walked away with his nose up in the air - outraged, that Aphrodite could become so silly over her latest, that she mistook him for one of the - PUSSYCATS!!!

Johnny almost felt sorry for the goat - but then he felt his sore behind ... And the rest of his body rather ached too, so his sympathy wasnīt as great, as it might have been otherwise.

"Now, Sweetie, we are going to ... Letīs see? I could ..." Here Aphrodite undid two shirt buttons and put a small warm hand inside "... do like this with this here nipple and ... Oh, you like that, Baby?" She purred.

A small - and getting smaller by the second - gentleman like portion of Johnnyīs mind started saying something about staying faithful to Vanessa ... honouring promises given ... To which his body rudely replied "Shut up, stupid! Canīt you see, Iīm busy!!"

And then - she kissed him on the mouth - thoroughly! And he loved it!! Against his will - certainly - but he loved it none the less. Very much so as a matter of fact. But then again Aphrodite is the goddess of love - and if she shouldnīt know, how to kiss, then who should?

Finally they had to breath, and Aphrodite looked a bit puzzled too ... "Yes - you are a great kisser as Faye said. A cute little mouth just right for kissing - check! Drew Barrymore was right too. And Anne Heche said, you were "damn cute" And so you are, Sweet pea - so you definitely are! Even my silly Meeps may be right - you might be the cutest man in the universe - ever ... But - there is something ... Although I canīt quite put my finger on it ...."

"Who is this Meeps?" Johnny hurried to ask. "She seems to run around sticking her big nose into things, she should stay out HELP!?!" A lightning bolt hit a lovely rose bush about seven feet in front of them - incinerating it completely. And thunder rumbled over their heads.

Now it was Aphroditeīs turn to pout - which suited her very much - and she said in a rather irritated tone "Oh, that dumb good-for-nothing ... Itīs my brother Zeus sending for me. He has probably gotten himself involved with some dame, who wants to be queen of Olympus. As if! Hera has done a good job all these centuries - and she was by the way queen, before he became king, if we get down to the small letters of the contract! So he should stop promising these broads things, that are not his to give away in the first place! Really - men! ... oh, I donīt mean you, Baby. You keep your promises. I am sure of that"

Johnny wasnīt so sure. But before he could say anything half sensible, another lightning bolt hit a single red rose just in front of his nose - making him jump quite a bit. And Aphrodite yelled "Oh, leave the plant life alone, you big crybaby you!! Donīt get your shorts in a twister - Iīm coming! I have to go, Darling - but when I get back, I promise you, weīll ... aaah"

With this she kissed his mouth once more - gently this time - and disappear in a pink and golden dust cloud. Leaving Johnny with his bad conscience - and looking around the wonderful Garden Of Love rather nervously - trying to find Ares, the goat ...

And here the gruesome author will leave her poor unwitting subjects for the week .. end ... What? Yes - well ... I suppose .... Mavis has just made me promise, that they can all go home and enjoy the week end. So off you go, Ares :-) Remember to be a good goat, and report back to work Monday ;-).....

.......

......Well ... Happy Monday to you, dear readers. And letīs get .. started ... Yes, Ares :-) Happy Monday to you actors too :-)) Sorry ;-) O.k :-)? ... yes, Johnny, he is spoiled. Just like you, my sweet ;-) Letīs go :-)!!

CHAPTER SIX.  Revelation.

Johnny knelt by the crystal clear little stream in Aphroditeīs Garden Of Love. And cupping his hands, he caught some of the cold spring water trickling out between the stones, and drank deeply of it. What!?! It tasted like coffee???

"It tastes of what ever, you want it to taste of" a voice mewed beside Johnny. But before he could look down to see, who it was, he heard another voice utter a challenging "baaah!!!" from across the stream - Ares the goat was back in action ...

Johnny felt something small and soft climb under his left arm and on to his lap. And when he did look down, he saw a rather small, ginger cat sitting itself down comfortably on his knee - hissing rather violently once and scratching the air a bit with one small paw in the general direction of the furious goat.

"Hi? ... Oh, no!! You are way too small, to take that one on, all by you wee self!" Johnny said. And scooping the little bundle of fur up in his hands, he got to his feat and started to turn, to try and make a run for it, when suddenly - something big, black and screaming tore through the rose bushes, across the water and went off in hot pursuit of the now terrified goat ...

"Dare ... devil?" Johnny just stood there - with his mouth hanging open and stared after the horse.

"Yes" Hermes sat smiling on Gunpowderīs broad back "We have just picked him up from the reform school for young criminal delinquents, he has spend some months at. You know - a place for rebels without a sauce - eh, cause ... Daredevil is a new and better horse now! He has even promised the headmistress of the school, that heīll look up Christopher Walken, and apologize for scaring him like that in Sleepy Hollow. ... although one could claim, Daredevil just tried to stay in character as the Headless Horsemanīs horse"

"Oh ..." was all, that Johnny could think to answer. And Hermes jumped off the horse, and strolled over to him.

"I am sorry, you had to go through this after all, kiddo" Hermes said "But we didnīt manage to get in contact with Aphrodite in time. And tell her, you didnīt want to - you know .... She almost never returns phone calls - or answer e-mails. And either she doesnīt show up, or she comes very late for appointments. And she didnīt come to the one appointment, we did manage to get with her. She moves around the world, as the whim takes her ... so she is a difficult woman to track down, if you are in a hurry, as we were ..."

"Sounds familiar, doesnīt it?" a small voice mewed between Johnnyīs warm hands, where the pussycat was trying to have a very cuddly time - pressing her little head up under his chin as much as humanly possible - or felinely pussyble. "A-what?" asked Johnny. And held the squirming baby puss out for inspection "Did you hear this little one say anything? Like .. human words?" he asked Hermes.

"Maybe you better put her down - over there on that big flat rock for example. Then weīll see, if she has something to say for herself" Hermes suggested. And when Johnny did so, the kitten hissed once at Hermes - then shrugged her shoulders and said very distinctly "Flop!" And became - a middle aged, quite ordinary and fat white woman in a pair of blue jean and a orange t-shirt ...

Johnny thought, he had given up on being surprised by now. But when the woman asked Hermes with a little smile: "What was it, the sweet would do to me, "Uncle"? Wring my neck - spit on my shoes ... and then what?" Johnny took an involuntarily step forward, and said " YOU are Meeps!?!" Meeps admitted to being guilty in that.

And then her smile got broader, when Johnny told her, he didnīt - really ... want to do anything to her neck - or other parts of her. Looking rather sweetly embarrassed saying so.

"But you have every right to being angry at me, Johnny" Meeps admitted a bit more serious "I told Aphrodite about you. Showed her, how utterly lovely - gorgeous - wonderful you are - tshee! Yes, Iīll stop praising you, Sweets. But forgot to - didnīt think of making her promise not to drag the REAL Johnny Depp into this my fantasy queen-dom. ... one of course has to be able to differen .. tiate ... Stop laughing, "Uncle"! Itīs a long word ... between the real person and the imaginary figure - fantasy image, you have of the real person. Not expect the real man to be ready for any thing, you could want him to do ... Well - you sure got kissed by her, anyway, didnīt you ....."

Johnny looked away. Thinking about that kiss with a guilty kind of pleasure. "O.k.! Enough about that!!" Meeps smiled a bit wryly "But I do feel responsible for this sorry mess ... So if you will please come with me ... perhaps both of you - to my house just behind this garden - I think, I have a way for you to get back to the MTV party - your life. And no more late, than you already were"

Johnny nodded. Sure he would follow her - he would try almost anything to get back to the paparazziīs flash lights instead of real lightning bolts. But he said "Its actually MTW - Multi Talented Weirdoes ... just my kind of people" And Meeps giggled and said "Mine too"

So Johnny, Hermes and Meeps left Aphroditeīs gorgeous Garden Of Love, and followed the babbling little stream into the green wood. Gunpowder had already left to see, what Daredevil would do to Ares.

And Meeps could hear, she was babbling too ... just because she was so nervous. But then again it isnīt every day, the man, you most like to fantasize about in the world, visits your fantasy world, is it? It shouldnīt be happening, according to all kind of laws and regulations. Meeps shook her head and thought "Must be that crazy īdite! With love anything is possible"

No, no, Ares - HWDF doesnīt hate you ... You just rammed her favorite bab .... boy :-) And maybe Kemia is right - you are a little bit in love with Johnny :-) It is hard not to ... How rude!!! And will you come back here, you obnoxious beast! No matter, what impolite words, you want to use about me, our reader is already here!! ... eh ... yes - so you are, dear reader :-) Sorry :-) We better start then ;-)

CHAPTER SEVEN.  Adoration.

Johnny Depp can no more stop being curious, than he can stop breathing. So while he walked with Hermes and Meeps through the spring green wood heading for her house, he couldnīt help asking her "What is this place? ... and how the he .. hedgehog could you be a pussycat one moment and a human the next?"

"Well" Meeps looked at the trees - the flitting birds - a couple of noisy squirrels running up a beech tree - at the sunlight gilding the waves in the brook beside the path - anywhere but at Johnny "You see - this is my fantasy king, eh ... queen dom - so I can do just about anything, I want to. And be any person, I want to. And I can imagine all the people - invented or otherwise - I love, to be here. "Uncle" Hermes, Aphrodite, Long John Silver, queen Eleanor - the wizards Merlin, Fizban .. and Gandalf ... Donald Duck - and Donnie Brascos. And Lefty of course. Ares just loves Lefty. You have actually been - or rather your imaginary counterpart have been here many times - I fantasize a bit about you, you see ..."

"Or a whole lot. Her imaginary Johnny practically lives here" Hermes mumbled on the other side of Johnny. And Meeps promptly stuck her tongue out at the god.

"Oh, come off it, Uncle!" she said "Itīs not like either of you have never imagine yourself with people or in situations, you normally never would encounter - Johnny couldnīt act, if he couldnīt imagining things - people - situations!"

"You see, Johnny" Hermes continued smilingly, unperturbed by the not so polite mortal hostess "YOU shouldnīt be here - in the flesh. Aunt Aphrodite should only have imagined you to be here, like Meeps do. But Auntie being ... Auntie ... a rather spoiled goddess - of course wanted the ABSOLUTE BEST - the real thing ... And no! Meeps! I didnīt mean Coca Cola ... although Johnny is brown and sweet like the famous ... whatever ... So Auntie tricked you into coming here for real. So she could try to seduce you"

"I adore you ... You are my human god of love" Meeps explained - ignoring Johnnyīs frown "So I donīt blame her for being attracted to you. But there is a great difference between imagination and real life. And since you in your real life love Vanessa Paradis and your daughter, I want you to get back to them and be happy"

"Hrm!" Johnny sank the lump in his throat "That is mighty civil of you ..." Then a thought struck him "But wonīt you get in trouble with aunt ... the goddess ... I mean ... she does seem to know a man ... eh .. a god, who can throw a mean thunder bolt ..."

Here Hermes and Meeps couldnīt help giggling "Yes, he does throw a mean - tshee- hee - thunder bolt, doesnīt he? Maybe he should become the world champion in lightning throwing?" Hermes sniggered.

And Meeps smiled "No. Not if we can get Aphrodite to sit down and listen. She can be a reasonable lady - goddess, if you know, how to talk to her. And it is not like, there isnīt other little fishes in the frying pan ... or something. You are just such a perfectly sweet little cutie pie, that ... yes, yes, Iīll be quiet about that"

"Yes, well ... I canīt see myself as such a great catch ..." Johnny said. And pretended not to hear Meeps, when she said "That is part of your charm, Sweetie"

He just went on "It is not, that I am not tempted by the goddessīoffer ... She sure knows, how to kiss ... And one is only mortal ... So I ..." Then suddenly he yelled something scared sounding and took a couple of steps back, because Ares the goat stood in front of them on the path.

"He IS going home, Ares!!" Meeps said sternly, and walked in front of Johnny with her arms akimbo "There is no reason to act like that, you silly little fool! He wants to go back to Vanessa and Lily-Rose. Donīt you?" she asked Johnny over her shoulder.

"Ye-yes, I do - that g-goat really wants me to go home?"

"Yes" Hermes said "For one thing - a real person can really disturb things here. Ares rammed you. before he realized, you were real - you could have broken something, dear boy ... Fantasy figures are like "toons" - figures in a cartoon. No matter what happens, we always get up again. Meeps here ainīt real either - she is called Ulla in real life. Does not wear fur - on principle. Doesnīt live in a forest - or have me as an honourary uncle. And there are other differences too"

"Yes, unfortunately" Meeps sighed, and scratched Ares between the horns "you would like to stay, Baby? But that canīt be done, I am sad to say ... You can of course fantasize about this place, when you get home. Add some figures - remove others. Remove me perhaps .... Relieve your ears of all the yackity-yack. But the only way, you can normally share my fantasy, is if I tell you about it .. And you then use your own imagination to make your image of what Iīm saying"

"No, Meeps - I wouldnīt leave you out ... Then there would be no small puss to defend me against the dangerous billy-goat. This place wouldnīt be quiet the same without you" Johnny said softly. And then didnīt know where to look, when Meeps beamed happily at him.

"And for another thing - goats ... eh .. this goat anyway, is a very moral and romantic critter" Hermes smiled - trying to let the blushing people regained their calm "He knows, you have a family, so he wants you to go back to them" Here Ares send Hermes a look, which clearly said "You must have lost your marbles!" But then the goat apparently decided, the idea did sort of present him in a good light, because he didnīt comment on it. And Hermes smiled a wry smile back at him.

"Yes, I really do want to go back to my girls" Johnny said, and tried cautiously to scratch behind one goat ear - and the goat actually loved it. Pressed his head up against Johnnyīs hand like the most playful of pussycats.

"Hmmm - it seems, we have a truce" Johnny smiled. Then added: "I was about to say - I am tempted to stay, because here is very beautiful - and peaceful ... now that Ares is friendly like. And the goddess certainly is very lovely. As a goddess of love of course should be. Although I canīt precisely say, what she looks like ... It is as if she is all women - all at once ... But still - I am not a free man anymore ... And I love it. I am already missing Lily-Rose and Vanessa ... And I wonīt go sneaking around behind their backs having an affair - I donīt have the nerves for ... Hmmm. That just isnīt fair. So ... I do hope, the love goddess is as sensible, as you say ..."

"Oh, she is. Can be ... Donīt worry about it. Or Iīll sig Ares at her. Then he can act as her conscience for a bit. Right, Ares?" giggled Meeps. And Ares agreed with a loud "Baaaah"

Go to Part Three...

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