Warning, my very dear readers! Looong chapter ahead today!! What? ... oh - Johnny says, we better get started, then - and when he is right, he is right ;-) So ... LADIES AND GENTS - one moment ... sorry :-).... some of the trees were still in their dressing room ;-) STORY-TIME!! (tshe :-) )

CHAPTER EIGHT.  Relation.

Meepsī house in the woods turned out to be a rather small cottage - done in red brick, with green shutters and a green door - and a rather shaggy, thatched roof on top. The whole thing looked like it had grown up out of the ground - much like the huge oak tree, who stood protectively stretching its branches out over it. And the small brook ran past it to the right out towards the sea, you could vaguely see through the trees behind the house.

Meeps said, she would love to invite them in for coffee, tea or something stronger. But Johnny was probably eager to get going, so if they would come out back, and help her find the Ninth Door? That should do the trick. So they went through a narrow gate in a white picket fence, followed a winding path a bit down hill and found a smallish green tool shed decorated with climbing red roses ... And Meeps for some reason giggled, when the door squeaked a bit.

"But donīt you mean the Ninth Gate" Johnny asked, and then thought "No, fool. She probably means, what she says!"

But Hermes smiled, and patted Johnny on the shoulder "Easy on our friend Johnny, old boy. Yes, Meeps usually means, what she says. But she can make mistakes just like any body else - including the gods ..."

"Certainly I can and do - all the time. But not in this case" Meeps smiled and started looking through all the strange things in the tool shag. "We canīt use the Ninth Gate, Johnny - you donīt want to go to Hell - you want to go home to Paradis"

Johnny agreed in that, but also started looking around - at a box full of balls, clubs and other thing for juggling. And Samīs top hat hanging on the baseball bat, Glen never got to use on Freddy Krueger. Over in the corner stood a long bow, and a green quiver with equally long arrows. And a wooden staff with a golden dragon claw clutching a crystal on top - Johnny could swear, it wanted him to hold it, so he did.

But taking the staff in the corner made him noticed a little brown owl sitting on the back of a wicker chair "That stuffed owl is cute" he commented to Meeps. But the owl opened a eye, and said "Do kaī selv være nuttet! A er sgu da ikke udstoppet" And very deliberately and offended turned his back on Johnny.

By now Johnny had given up on being surprised, so he just laughed. But Meeps said "Be polite, Archimedes. Johnny doesnīt understand Da .. nish ... It is not MY Johnny. He knows, you are not stuffed ... This is the real Johnny Depp, and he didnīt understand, that you think, he is cute too"

Archimedes looked over his shoulder "Hm - yes, so he is ... Aphrodite brought him?" When all nodded, the owl continued "Oh, boy, what a mess ... Shouldnīt you stay out of this, Lass. She has mellowed over the years, but she is still a very spoiled lady ... No, of course you canīt - especially not, when it is your cutie"

"Nope, Arkee. I got him in to this ... Can you remember, where we put the Ninth Door, after we used it to get to Mos Eisley and back again?" Meeps asked. And then giggled, when Archimedes pointed a wing at the door, they had entered through.

"Yes, of course. Look, Johnny - it is this old door from the Batesī motel - itīs number six ... Sorry, the number is upside down. Now it is a number nine. If we can hang that up instead of the door normally connecting my bedroom and living room - and close it ... And then - when you open it again, Johnny - you just go through it ... and youīre home safe and sound - or at least back in that hotel elevator"

So they carried it into the house and worked a bit at it. Meeps even found a couple of cool beer in the fridge - and a coke for herself. And finally the door was hung in the doorframe.

Johnny wasnīt mad at either of them any more. Or felt nervous around - o.k. - afraid of - Hermes for that matter. Not now, that he knew, who - or rather, what Hermes was. He actually rather liked the friendly, peaceful god. So he hugged both Hermes and Meeps quite friendly to say goodbye. They did try their best to help him after all - even though they had in a way landing him in the problems in the first place. Johnny also solemnly shook Archimedesī right claw to say goodbye. An act, that for some reason seemed to please Meeps immensely.

He had already turned to the Ninth Door, put his hand on the doorknob and started to turn it, when he heard Meeps saying softly behind him "Oops ..."

And Johnny felt the small hair at the nape of his neck stand to attention. He stood very still for what felt like a very looong moment - and then looked back - to see Aphrodite standing between Hermes and Meeps .....

"Now, listen" Johnny began ".. Maīam ..... Iīm very flattered, you think so well of me, that you want me to be ... you know .... your lover. And if I was alone and free and - and ... it would be quite another matter. Then I would probably jumped at ... B-but you see ... I am with - I want to be with mummmmph ..."

Here Johnny had to stop, because Aphrodite stepped forward, and placed her warm soft hand over his mouth. "Shhh, Little One" She said - smiling very affectionately at him "Athena finally got me to sit down and talk at Olympus - she can be a rather forceful young lady, when she wants to ... And she had used Zeusīs remote for the thunder bolts - that cheeky little ... But she explained all about you wanting to do the right thing by your girl and child ... And I like that very much. I am the goddess of love after all. All kind of love. Even if I would have liked to have some of that love coming my way ... It is perfectly fine. Oh, stop staring, Meeps! If I forced him, it wouldnīt be love, would it now? Tricking and seducing people - forgetaboutit, yes! Forcing people - no!!! And NO, I am NOT spoiled!!"

"I didnīt say a word" Hermes smiled.

"No. But you thought so loud, every body could hear" Aphrodite sighed - then continued smiling "Besides - Athena has done a bit of research too. It seems, you are ... my son. And since we - the greek gods, that is - long ago gave up on incestuous marriages .. eh ... relationships, Iīll of course leave you alone. That way, that is. I might come visiting, but promise to behave so ... chaste, your wife will think, Iīm a nun ... argh!!"

"Son!!!" Johnny and Meeps exclaimed at the same time. And then Meeps started to dance merrily around Hermes "Yes, of course, you are the son of Love herself!!! That is why, you are so absolutely lovely - gorgeous - fine - wonderful, a purr ... fect angel prince ... Yes, yes, I promised, Sweetie. No praise. But that is marvelous, īdite!! Just utterly marvelous!!!"

Johnny finally managed to interrupt the chatterbox "How can I be your son ... my motherīs name is Betty Sue ... And my fatherīs John - and I donīt understand one word of this..."

"No, Sweetie" Aphrodite said - smiling a bit at Meeps, who stood hugging Hermes, and had put half her fist into her mouth in order to keep quiet.

"But according to Athena - who usually knows, what she is talking about - the clever wizard Mihneeous made an experiment with some of my divinely DNA some 37-38 odd years ago. I donīt know how he had gotten hold of it .... And he used one of Meepsī ancestorsī life creating spells - one of Raistlinīs spells - to make it come to life. Become you"

Johnny shook his head. But Aphrodite has always been good at ignoring, what she donīt want to see or hear, so she continued her explanation "It was not suppose to go further than his laboratory .... but for some reason, he changed his mind. And you, Johnny, got born into the real world. ... look, baby - your parents are ... still your parents. Iīm your spiritual mother, so to speak ... I canīt explain it better than that. I have just given you that extra little bit of something ... charm, sweetness .. sex appeal. ... you do blush, Sugar? Yes, you do! ... but ask Athena, if you want the more scientific explanation, Baby. But you are my beautiful beloved son ... I love you, my darling. I am very, very proud of having such a talented, clever baby boy"

And just to prove it, Aphrodite hugged and kissed him - but this time in a very motherly fashion.

"But miss Meeps here is right then - you are the son of old Love herself, Johnny-boy. And that does somehow seem very right and proper too. You are just as charming and enchanting as Aphro .. dite ... What, Archimedes? .... no, he doesnīt like to hear it. THAT character trait he hasnīt inherited from his Mum here. She want her praise morning, noon and night. The more, the merrier goddess" Hermes concluded.

Meeps hugged Johnny once more - to congratulate him, she sniffled. And then asked, if he would like to get back to the real world now. Johnny hugged her back - still feeling very confused ... And then nodded. Yes - this was all very nice - but he would like to get back to the normally crazy world - please ...

So he said his goodbyes once more. And despite being confused, he also felt rather happy - all this love and praise was indeed very, very embarrassing ... but-rather-wonderful-too! And finally Johnny stepped through the Ninth Door into the elevator of The Golden Swan in London. Hearing behind him Meeps exclaim "That darn Daredevil is in the strawberries again!! That posh school didnīt help one little bit!!!"

Well ... for those of you still hanging in there - those who didnīt leave, when Johnny did ... here is the absolute last chapter of this crazy story. Where I try to tie some things up - but have to let others hang dangling ... Tshe :-) And I promise you - Johnny might have left the building, but they talk quite a bit about him ;-) ... oh, by the way, my dear Kemia-turtle - I brought my satchel to day. Want to get up in that :-)? That way, youīll neither be left behind or stepped on ;-D

CHAPTER NINE.  Argumentation.

Those left behind in the cottage looked at each other. And Archimedes hooted softly "That was nice - you were sweet to him, īdite - and if heīs anything like "Meepsī Johnny", it couldnīt have happened to a nicer guy" Meeps nodded with a little sigh, and then said "Will you help me changing the doors back again, "Uncle"?"

"Sure, Sweetheart" Hermes said, and started to lift the Ninth Door of the hinges.

"What was all that about ... the reason behind me being so crazy about this little sweetie, that I disregard all rules and regula ... Yes-yes, Archimedes, I have done that before - and over guys only half as wonderful - but why this time?" Aphrodite said. Sitting herself down in a comfy easy chair to watch the other work. Her favorite pastime after making love.

"Cupid" Hermes suggested."Either on his own - to please his Mum with the gift of a little fling, and annoy his Dad. Or Ares lured his son Cupid - his and yours son - into shooting you with his arrow - to make you crazy - too crazy about Johnny Depp, Auntie. So you lost your common sense, and dragged the real person through to the imaginary world here ...."

They could hear Athena yelling outside at the horses and the goat, who apparently didnīt want to leave the garden. Finally it got quiet, and she came in shaking her head, and saying with a fond little smile "They are rascals, those three .... beasts - but at least they are charming rascals"

"But Ares did send Heracles to the jail in Los Angeles, didnīt he?" Meeps asked. Getting back to trying to figure out the reason for Aphroditeīs infatuation with Johnny Depp, while she very carefully leaned the Ninth Door up against the wall.

In Meepsī mind it was all straight forward - just a case of Johnny being lovely enough to tempt any woman - or goddess for that matter - into doing crazy things. But she had a sneaky suspicion, that she mainly thought so, because she herself would love to go out and do crazy things with him.

"He did" Hermes agreed "And - come to think of it, Athena ... Maybe you and I better have a talk with Heracles. It seems, he canīt handle, that people doesnīt believe in him anymore - that kid always was a handful. And then that role - the fact, that he didnīt get to play himself. What was that guyīs name again, who did? Zorba or something? I like Xena and Gabrielle much better myself"

"Kevin Sorbo" Athena corrected "Nice man actually. But Xena - forgetaboutit! Just my kind of women!! Although Ares thinks, he has invented her all by his little old self ... heh!! And yes, we can talk to Heracles - but he was always more Aresī boy than mine. More brawn than brain, Iīm afraid ... As for Ares himself - same problem. Never much for long term plans and such. So he probably got jealous of Johnny, when he saw, how smitten you were, Auntie. Hadnīt thought the whole thing through. And then started making trouble for our poor Johnny-boy"

"Perhaps ... But if he is still being jealous, when ever I am with some cutie pie - then why aim Cupidīs arrow at me in the first place?" Aphrodite mused. "No - as you say, he doesnīt think the thing through first. Because he could have had Cupid shoot Johnny too ... that would have help his plan along. Then Johnny would have been ready for every crazy little thing, I could imagine doing. And that is - as you all know - quite a bit"

"Yes. But the "hit man" - Cupid that is - could probably not find Johnny and shoot him in the first place" giggled Meeps "Johnny can be a hard man to find. Just ask his fans and the press. You are Cupidīs Mum after all - he does get to see you pretty often"

"Yes, maybe thatīs it" Aphrodite said slowly "Now ... Johnny has been a rather wild sweetie before ... but he is starting to get even more over to "my side" than he has been all along. More love than anger and violence. Oh, stop giggling! I love a bad boy as much as the next woman!! Although - when Michael Jackson kept bragging "I`m bad! Iīm bad ..." it became a little too much ... How about some modesty!!"

"Oh, yes! Modesty Blaze!! Just love her! Must be related to Xe ... na ... Yes, Auntie, you were saying?"

"Hermes - really ..." Aphrodite smiled fondly at her blushing nephew. And then went on "It of course depends on how he is besides - if he is sweet and smart beside being rebellious .... And Johnny has been sweet and smart all along. And he is fast becoming ... well, just plain depply! I mean; lovely - tshee. And I love him - would love to have him as my lover. But is even more proud to be his "mumsy" .... but maybe Ares thought, he could make so much trouble for Johnny - by making him fool around with me - that Vanessa would throw him out. And that might make Johnny start acting up worse than before ... Getting back on Aresī side of the fence - at war with the whole world ... And himself most of all ..."

"And that might make his friends get tired of him - the people, he would like to work with - his fans ... everybody would give up on him ..." Archimedes looked like a very sad owl just thinking about that "Or ... maybe he thought - Ares, that is! at first ... that you would keep Johnny here, so he had got rid of him! No more women sighing over a sweet, gentle baby guy - instead they would be mooning over big, rather dumb, violent - macho brutes!! ... more Aresī type of men"

"Maybe, Owl kin" Hermes straighten up and rubbed his lower back "There, Darlinī Everything is back in place again. ... Johnny too. He is home, where he belongs" He smiled. "Now we only need to put the Ninth Door back in the tool shed and ..." Here Aphrodite lazily waved a little finger a bit. And the door disappeared from the living room with a loud "ping!" and only left some pink and golden dust, that made Meeps sneeze - she was allergic to Aphroditeīs divine brand of magic at times.

"You are too much together with humans, Hermes" Aphrodite giggled "Sometimes, I swear, you totally forget, you are a god" Then she added - giggling even more "Oh, stop pouting, Meepsy kin. Some of my best friends are humans. I for instance love both you and the Johnny-boy, who has just left us. .... I still think, he is a totally babe .... Forgetaboutit!!! Tshee-hee"

"Well, he is yours, isnīt he? So he couldnīt very well be anything less, could he now?" Athena asked wryly "But the war about him - and in him between Love and War will probably go on for a long time yet - as in all humans ... And maybe even harder in Johnnyīs case ... Because Ares would love to have him over on his side. Such a charmer as our Johnny-boy could easily convince people to do the most stupid - perhaps evil things, if he wanted ... Argh!! I am glad, he is Loveīs baby instead of Warīs!!!"

Here Meeps thought, she better try lighten the mood a bit, so she giggled "Want to see, if Daredevil and friends has left any of the strawberries?" And so they all went out to have a look.

But as they left the cabin, Aphrodite sighed - and when asked why, she explained "Well, it is just ... in a way I wish, Johnny hadnīt turned out to be my son ... Oh, I love him - and am very proud of him - indeed, but ... His hair is so soft - it feel like the softest, finest silk to touch. And when I kissed him - before .. in the Garden ... even though I could somehow feel the connection between us ... and it didnīt feel quite right kissing him like that .... But I manage to sneak a hand in behind his belt - and I tell you, girls - the skin on his belly was as soft as ... What did you say, Meeps?"

"Ye goddesses!!!" Meeps exclaimed "You have the readers drooling by now ... and I canīt afford to pay for new computers, if the liquid dripping down in the keyboards, make their machines crash and burn! Or make the poor men and women reading this blow a mental fuse, trying to imagine, how soft Johnnyīs ... really, APHRODITE!!!"

THE END

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