(Written in Rodeny McKay's PoV)
I died and it was fast. The heat roared over me, the fire consuming me, my own body rebelling against me. It never gets old, not that, not knowing that the slightest little thing could kill you. That eating a bit of lemon will cause me to have a reaction and most probably suffocate to death. That a bee – a tiny, insignificant little bee could kill me just as easily as a Wraith. The heat was everywhere... and it hurt, oh god it hurt. I've nearly died more times than I would like to count and if I wanted to I could describe each and every one of them. But as for real death? I never though I would die in fire. A blaze, screaming as the pain threatened to consume me, and I was thrashing, trying to escape from my own skin.
And then it was over. I had died but Carson... well, Carson is one stubborn guy. At least it was fast and hey, I am grateful that I didn't stay dead. I just... didn't wake up. Or rather, haven't woken up. Not yet. I don't think I can really face them... but I have to... I have to... Carson thinks I might have hurt my brain when I burned to death... I wonder if he's right? I wonder if my world has ended in fire.
I read a poem once about the world ending in fire... and ice. Ice is only frozen water. How did it go again?
Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favour fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To know that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.
I died and it was slow. It must have been. Only I didn't die, because it didn't happen to this me. It happened to the other me, the one Old Weir knew. He drowned, in the gate room. He failed... I've often wondered what he felt, what he thought, what he did. Did he clime onto the top of the controls to gain a few more precious seconds of being dry? Did he see the bodies of those he had condemned to die alongside him? Did he fight, kick, struggle against his death? Did he do anything he could just to get another second of air? Did he stop struggling, knowing that it was over, that there was going to be no miraculous rescue, that he was no hero?
Did he feel the water in his lungs, as he choked, only for the water to have nowhere to go? Did he remain concious until the very end, tasting salt and seeing the world fade to grey? Did he look at the water rising towards him and know that he was already in his grave?
Was he scared? Did he show it? Did he stare into the eyes of Grodin, knowing that he had killed him? Did he see everyone else in the room looking at him right until the end, expecting him to pull the rabbit out of the hat? Did he see the blind trust? The looks of betrayal as they finally realised that they were going to really die?
They look at me like that. Even John. Or should that be especially John? They all look at me because I'm the answer man. I'm the one that has to pull the answers out of the hat time and time again. What happens when I can't? The laws of probability state that there will come a time when I won't be able to save everybody. In fact, that time should have been and gone.
I've already lost people. Colleges. People I know keep getting killed. People I care about. They keep going away. I keep thinking John is going to go away, and each time it hurts and each time he comes back. I can't take it. But I can't take loosing him as a friend either...
Beep... beep... beep... beeep...
Why did I leave my lab? Seriously, why did I agree to join John's team? I mean, I wanted to find new technology sure but I knew that if I left the lab I could get hurt, I could die. And because I left my lab I made friends. I really didn't want to. Friends lead you open to pain...
Beeeep.... beeep... beeep.. beeep beeep beeep
“Rodney? Rodney, no!”
The darkness that had been covering me is going. No, not going, fading. Becoming grey. Lighter almost. I... it's hard to breathe, I need to breathe, please let me breathe.
Suddenly I'm in water. I'm splashing, struggling against the cold, salt water. I open my eyes and... oh.. god, no. No, no, no. I'm not here, I can't be here! This didn't happen to me... it happened to the other me!
The water rising and I'm still in the gate room, but the only way I can even tell its the gate room is by the shape of the door I can just see. Water is everywhere and I have nowhere to go. I'm failing... I'm going to fail again. I'm cold, shaking, this water is damn cold.
I'm going to be destroyed by ice.
“Open your eyes Rodney! Come on, for once in your life listen to me!”
What? John? I already have my eyes open, I can see the water, feel it lapping against my chin, feel the roof of the room scraping against my head. I've got nowhere else to go.
Failed.
Game Over.
“Don't give in Rodney, don't you dare do this to me!”
Open my eyes... it's not real. This isn't real. I'm not in the gate room, I'm not in this time, this reality. I... oh God, the water has reached my mouth, I can't open my mouth, because the salty sea water is just waiting for rush into my throat and into my lungs. Making me choke. I'll try and cough it out, only there is nowhere for the water to go, no air to breathe.
Not real. It's not real. It's not real. It's not real.
The problem with visions is the fact they seem so real.
I have to wake up, have to fight this... nightmare. The water has filled the room completely now and my lungs are burning, desperate for air. I'm going to burn and freeze. I can't think. What am I supposed to do again? No sound, nothing... and then a quiet voice.
“Rodney... open your eyes. Please.”
I open my eyes.
And the world explodes.
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