I am not getting any work done. The lab seems too quiet, even with the noise of all the scientists, all the noise we normally make. I never though I would say this, but I miss Dr. McKay complaining about everything.
Strange yes?
Many times I found him frustrating. He interrupts me, ignores me, undermines me. Recently I discovered that such actions were his way of showing showing approval. When I compare his actions towards me and his actions towards Dr. Kavanagh the difference is great.
... I have read these reading before. I have read nothing but these reading for nearly ten minutes now. I have done the same thing many times since Dr. McKay's accident. I have washed my hands at least fifteen times. I have rubbed them together eight times today. I have stared at them seventeen times in the last hour. I can still see the blood on them, from where I touched Dr. McKay.
I left behind family on Earth. I lost friends here. Yet the absence of McKay is affecting me greatly. Perhaps I am letting it affect me? Work should sooth me but it does not.
I cannot work, I cannot sleep. I think I will visit Dr. McKay. I have apologised to him many times during his stay there for failing to help him when I saw him before. I should have followed him but instead I stayed where I was and contacted Dr. Beckett. I know there is nothing that could have been done.
I will visit him again until he awakes so I may apologise again and hear his answer. I also feel the need to apologise to both Dr. Beckett and Major Sheppard, for I failed them when I failed Dr. McKay. I failed myself, for McKay is a friend and I did not help him when his need was great.
Dr. Kavanagh superior attitude is wearing thin. The man thinks he should lead us while McKay is... incapacitated. It would not surprise me if he wishes the doctor to never wake. I do not know how much longer I can last before I throw something large at Dr. Kavanagh's head.
It would certainly give me something to tell Dr. McKay when I visit.
Carson Beckett's PoV.
I'm so bloody tired. Every time I close my eyes I see Rodney, either in pain or so still. The lad's never still. Even when that wraith stunner hit him. He was bloody paralysed and he still managed to move slightly. I'm a doctor, I'm supposed to help people but I can't even help one of my best friends.
I've gone over his results time and time again. I've looked at them from every possible angle. I've gone to sleep staring at them and seeing them the moment I opened my eyes. The facts don't change. Rodney's temperature peaked at 105 degrees. He then fell into a coma which he has yet to wake from.
They all point to possible brain damage. I know the Major thinks I'm giving up on Rodney, but I'm not, I just... the facts don't lie. I've been monitoring his brain activity and there is certainly something going on in that head of his, I just don't know if its the Rodney we know.
I don't know if he will wake up.
The Major thinks its just a matter of time. That eventually Rodney will wake up. Most of Rodney's visitors think that and for a few days so did I. But now it's not just the possible brain damage I'm worried about. It's Rodney waking up at all. If he doesn't want to wake up then he won't.
A crash sounds from the room I've had Rodney placed, and I stagger to my feet, hurrying out of the little room I use as an office. As I near the room I can hear angry voices and then a loud sound, followed by twin yells.
I almost trip over the still form on the ground.
“What the...?” Kavanagh? I look up, expecting to see an angry Major. I certainly do not expect to see a shocked Major Sheppard and a furious Dr. Zelenka, fists balled.
“What's going on here?”
“Uh... Kavanagh tripped?” Sheppard offers weakly. Dr. Zelenka lowers his fists, and folds his arms, looking remarkably calm.
“Dr. Kavanagh followed me here and started making... comments.” He tells me, unfolding his arms and rubbing at his right hand. I look back down at the American scientist and sigh, guessing only too well what the comments had been. I had heard all about his attitude in the lab, most of the scientists visiting Rodney had complained about it, demanding that Rodney wake up and deal with him. Saying that they preferred Rodney's bulling to Kavanagh's.
Almost touching in a twisted way.
“I could not let Major Sheppard hit him.” Dr. Zelenka finished. He doesn't say any more but he doesn't need to.
“Major.” I say quietly, rubbing at my eyes. I point down to Kavanagh, indicating that he should pick the unconscious man up. The Major just gives me a look. That look. The 'I-think-this-is-more-insane-than-one-of Rodney's-plans' look.
“He needs to be treated Major. Pick him up and place him on a bed.” I turn and leave the room, heading back to my office. I need to calm down before I see to Kavanagh, this whole situation is making everyone tense and while I would love to hit the man myself, I am first and foremost a doctor. A healer.
That doesn't mean I have to like what I do.
John Sheppard's PoV.
I didn't think the little guy had it in him.
I mean, I really didn't think the little guy had it in him. There are bets going around on who would first cave into the presser and hit Kavanagh on the nose but dang, Zelenka wasn't anywhere near the top. In fact, the last time I checked, myself and Rodney were neck and neck.
When Zelenka entered the room I was surprised to see Kavanagh following. The surprise quickly faded, to be replaced by anger. The smug bastard had come to check on Rodney, to see if he was still in a coma. Said he was planing to ask Weir in the morning if he could be appointed 'temporary' leader of the scientists. He was almost making the air quotes with his hands and I knew, temporary to him would mean forever.
I could feel my hands curling into fists as he stood there, looking down smugly at Rodney's still form. No trace of compassion, all he could think about was getting one up on Rodney.
“Major no.” Zelenka said calmly and I forced myself to relax, knowing hitting Kavanagh would just give him the excuse he needed. Then Zelenka stepped up to Kavanagh, looked him calmly in the face and punched him. They both yelled in agony at the same time, Zelenka holding his bunched up fist and Kavanagh his nose. The guy stepped backwards and tripped over his own feet.
Next think I knew Beckett was in the room, and Kavanagh was out cold. I bet he is just pretending. Still, I pick him up, none to gently and move over to the furthest away bed, noticing that Beckett had vanished again. Not my problem.
Rodney's my problem.
I turn sharply on my heel and march back to Rodney's room. I hover in the doorway quietly, not wanting to disturb Zelenka who has moved closer to Rodney's bed and is chatting away in Czech. I don't think Rodney knows Czech, but I guess that's not the point. Plus, Zelenka is making some wild hand monitions to go with his commentary and from I can see, he's describing the recent events.
I look away, a lump in my throat. It's just... it's not fair. What the hell was taking Rodney so long?
The sun starts to rise and a new day dawns. Maybe today will turn out to be the day I really appreciated it? Maybe today will be the day Rodney wakes.
Go Back: Damaged Goods
Go Forward: Fire And Ice
