Grandmother Reiki 3

things had to do with starting out accepting energy lifeforce from connie grandmother, accepting the indigo, which was very light at first but deepened to jewel tones as i went deeper, allowed llife to flow in, or rather, allowed energy and chose to wake up to it; and i saw it like i was in deep shock, not dead, zombie, stillborn, but deep shock, where everything is cold and still and needs warmth and tingling as life returns to blood, nerves, and especially the spinal cord, even though it's connection near the skull has been damaged and near the bottom of the spine twisted... but shock is a better and more accurate re-framing; allowed the re-awakening, allowed it deep.

and then, the altar, and connie's hands on my shoulders

i begin to resist and clench my hands

and then, a demon with his hands/talons on my chest by the shoulders and doing all the rated-x things we know, and we aren't going to describe

and then, the choice

the change

and then, a white griffin, glowing light, takes place of demon

and lays on me and warms me and heals through the warmth

and licks me, like the mother horse licking the newborn's birth sac off it, licking wounds, licking for rebirth, connie saw that part

and then, even deeper

as connie moves to the side with hand on abdomen and womb

and i am uncomfortable with that

and i look at my fear

and i say 'i am a woman'

and grandfather yells, you are a fucking whore

and my body tenses again, like on the altar

and as i resist him, he fills my insides with all the nasty, hateful, sharp and burning things he can, and fills it so full i look pregnant

but, no, not this time

and i hear you, and i hear me, and i say 'no, here, you can have it; you can have it all

and i feel it begin to flush out of me, and i feel energy pushing from crown to toes pushing stuff out, leaving clearness and cleanness, no infection or cloudiness or swelling or hurt or nothing

and then

we are done

but i do not move for a long time

i ask connie if she is ok, too, because of the dark energy, and she says yes

and then i move to the couch

and connie gets water and a blanket

and i try to rest, as waves keep washing over me

and i am dizzy and weak, but i am alive

i rest under the blanket for about an hour before i walk home

Grandmother Reiki 4