A beginning to...I don't know...
Well,
I am on this website...not a clue as to how I got here, yet I am still here. Perhaps there is reason as to why. I've got so much on my mind and so much to do. I thought of starting to think things through and 'plan' what it is that is going to help me get somewhere. Yet, along that moment I somehow lost interest and started to think about something else: "What was I thinking about before I started this little mission?"

So, I finally remember and realize that it's all just a load of BS and kick my own ass for the mess my mind is in.

Everyday that welcomes itself into my life...so unwelcomed and so rude! Well, it's like I spend the mojority of that day trying to deal with and feel life, I will probably die and still be stuck at that frequent moment I visit on a daily basis: "What was I thinking about...oh yeah..."

I am just writing crap now, to try and keep you longer with me. You probably don't understand what the hell you just read, but I don't either...so that makes two of us! At least we're not alone.

Speaking of alone...why is it that there are so many people on this friggin planet, yet most of the time we experience being alone...like that sad feeling of lonliness...you know??
Or perhaps that is just me...the messed up blabbling person writing this crap.

I could have written all fony and foul if I wanted.

Here let's see:
"Today was such a great day. The sun was out and was hitting my skin so softly. It brought much comfort to me. I went to the beach with my 'family', mom and dad love eachother so much. That's just how I want to be with my husband. Johnny, my brother and I played four games of checkers...he's got such a special way of winning."

BARF!! (sorry)

"Tonight is parent teacher interview at school, mom is bringing the coffee. Ms.Ohsocredible, my teacher, told me she had great things to tell my parents. Dad and Mom always enjoy talking to my teacher, because my future means so much to them.
Anyway, I just wanted to write a little note to you my diary. Have I ever told you, you are like my best friend?!! Well, I just know I can tell you anything.
Today was fun and it is still not over. I am so happy to have my family and know they love me so much!
Yours, The FAKE Bullshitter that people want to stranggle!"

Now, how was that, totally realistic, eh? It's so messed up how I spent my whole childhood, looking to just fit in and have someone love me unconditionally. All of a sudden one day I woke up and I was 20 years old. That unconditional love was long gone and so was my childhood. Even the desire to love or be loved had vanished and life just became a big blob of foggy memories of much hate and anger!

Well, today was a stupid day. I went out in public and just wanted to barf. I hate the stupid hot ass sun and my family didn't call again to say hi or see if I was still up and kicking! Whatever, that's life and that's my reality.

Until the next dreaded day,
Alex