fuck fuck FUCK
Do not go see Vanilla Sky. Seriously, do NOT FUCKING WATCH THIS MOVIE. This has got to have been the greatest travesty, the greatest crime against humanity since the Holocaust. Or when those planes hit those buildings, or fucking SOMETHING BAD. Warning: plot spoilers ahead! Oh wait, forget it. This movie has no discernable plot. Ever heard of the term deus ex machinae? It's Greek for 'god in the machine' or something similar. Those of you who have read my previous, now deleted content (in other words, no-one) will remember that I used this term to refer to the resolution of Tim Burton's Planet of the Apes, where the god of the apes descends from the heavens, in a goddamned machine, thus resolving the ape vs. ape conflict. Yeah, well in Vanilla Sky it was fucking worse. Lemme give a shout out to all y'all MGS2 playahs. Were you kinda pissed off when the resolution to the plot was some shit about being in a simulation and it all being a dream, only not really, only really... only not? In Vanilla Sky, apparently Tommy Cruise is in a nightmare, because he's dead, only he's not, because he's frozen and it's a nightmare, and all he has to do is wake up, because it's 20-fucking-three hundred and nineteen and hovercars have laser guns. Oh, and he's crazy. Except he's not. If you didn't understand this the first time, don't worry... the last thirty minutes of this masterpiece of cinematic agony basically involve that point being hammered into your skull over, and over, and over again. Let me quote from the movie:
David (Tom Cruise): Wait, what's going on? I feel crazy and shit.
Shrink Guy: Apparently you're cryogenically frozen, and this is all a nightmare.
David: Howzat?
Best Friend Guy: Well you see, you're cryogenically frozen, and this is all a nightmare.
David: I don't get it.
Girlfriend: I love you. You're also cryogenically frozen, and this is all a nightmare. Especially the part where you killed me. No worries though, because you're cryogenically frozen and it was all a dream anyway... a BAD dream. A nightmare.
David: So wait, where does the stalker come in?
Stalker: Well you see, you're cryogenically frozen, and this is all a nightmare.
David: Like, a bad dream? I don't like bad dreams.
Cryogenics Secretary: No shit Sherlock. Hey, did I tell you that you're frozen yet? And this is all a bad dream? You should call the cryogenics tech support guy, who'se apparently immortal.
David: (screams for five minutes while nothing else happens) TECH SUPPORT! It's all a bad dream and I'm frozen!
Tech Suport: Uh-oh, looks like you've got a bad case of frozen-guy with bad dreams. Wanna make it stop?
David: Uh, sure. (jumps off building, magically wakes up in 24th century)
Credits roll.
Director: The best part was how he was frozen, and having a nightmare.
Me: THIS MOVIE FUCKING SUCKS! *throws bottle of smuggled Jones at screen*

  posted by james @ 14.12.01

 
in reference to hbh
About ten minutes ago, I sat down to a steaming plate of Hamburger Helper: Cheeseburger Macaroni. Taking a bite, I thoughtfully considered how I'd never actually tasted hbh before, because the goddamned stuff always burns my fucking tongue. It's also got a weird aftertaste, excuse me while I fetch some orange juice to chase it with.

There we go. Coffee beans, that's what it tastes like. That's because my extra special technique (burning the shit out of whatever I cook) has added to and enhanced the unnatural flavours already present in the food.

Anyway, I got up at 7:30pm today... at first I decided to continue this, so I'd reach my normal sleeping schedule eventually at half-hour increments, but then I remembered yesterday. [flashback to yesterday]

So I'm at my cousin's place. She found my lab keycard AND a full mickey of my rum. Then I scanned one of my halloween pictures (I'll post it here later) and she told me about a medium-large party slated for this weekend, out of town somewheres. [end flashback]

So with that in mind, I realized I didn't have time to reset my sleeping schedule the long way. I'll aim for waking up at 11-12 in the morning. I was also planning on drinking my rum tonight, but 1.5 cups isn't very much, when you think about it, and I don't have any Jones' Cream Soda left to mix it with. I would drink it straight, but then I'd finish it WAY too quickly. Plus I don't wanna get that hammered alone at 3am. Now of course, if I invest in a webcam and a mike, I can get hammered with people all over the planet!... but that'd be pure idiocy. That and internet ladies are always fugly for some reason.

Anyone care to prove me wrong? Yeah, that's what I thought.

  posted by james @ 12.12.01

 
marathons are stupid
Yeah, that's right, they are. Not only did I fail dismally, managing to stay up for a mere 36 hours, but now my sleeping schedule is totally fucked. As in, fucked totally. I woke up at 7pm today.

Anyway, I checked on my finals, and they're all on the 18th and 19th, which is kind of odd, but at least I get a week off. Alex is apparently going to email my halloween photos (all two of them) so I can finally put those on - and she found my keycard for the CSC labs up at the university. It's the gold keycard, the one that's guarded by the scrag, the ogre and the three knights in E1M2. Yeah, THAT one.

I went over the HMV the other day and got some posters, a Reservoir Dogs poster which adds some needed gun wounds to my decor, and a big ole Decepticons on black poster that is currently seeping evil down into my monitor. Tomorrow I'll pay my cable bill, I think, so I don't get cut off. Who needs groceries, anyway? Food is for the weak. Kinda like sleep.

  posted by james @ 10.12.01