 Copyright 1990 Austin Enterprises MPAA Rating: Who the hell knows? STARRING: Dan Haggerty .... Arnie David Homb .... Scott Robin Sims .... Pam Jay Richardson .... Jay Oliver Darrow .... Johnny Charles Solomon .... Blake DIRECTED BY: Grant Austin Waldman You always take a risk when you buy films you've never seen. I've bought my share of real stinkers, simply because the box art is cool, or it's labeled as a horror or just because it's cheap. The Channeler is one of those films. I found it at a video store that was going out of business, and as such had marked down most of their stock to near ridiculous prices, but their horror section left much to be desired. I bought a few films that day, not one of which I had seen before, if I had, I probably would have saved myself some money. One of the movies best parts occurs about this time, and it again is horribly derisive of Evil Dead. The occupants of the lagging stationwagon [one of whom looks eerily like the love child of Tom Savini and Judd Nelson,] stop to ask two rednecks for directions. Something about this scene nagged at the back of my neck until I realized just how similar the rednecks look to the ones by the side of the road at the beginning of Evil Dead II. How odd... Next we are treated to one of the lamest bar fight scenes ever filmed as Jay takes on a gigantic local redneck with an equally gigantic hat. The teacher is pummeled and thrown around the bar, but miraculously, emerges without a scratch. Go figure. The group then leaves the bar, after receiving an ominous warning from Jack, the bartender, not to continue on to the camp, but they do not listen. Follow Jack's directions to a cottage at the base of the mountain. Considering that they were in the bar looking for directions on how to get to the camp, why did they follow the directions and arrive at this cottage... and if this is the camp they got directions to, why are they leaving to go to yet ANOTHER camp. Sigh. Something to watch for, 19minutes 14seconds, didn't Jay just shave? Yet now his beard is as thick as a mountain goat's? So the group leaves the cabin to continue their search for the elusive camp. During their trek they encounter some bizarre animal tracks, Jay identifies them as "some kind of large, bipedal reptile." I don't know about anyone else, but if I were next to lost in the woods, and I found the tracks for some giant two-legged lizard, I'd get the hell out of there. But of course, our college friends think this scientific discovery is hardly worth a second glance and continue on as if nothing were amiss. There wouldn't be a movie otherwise right? At camp that night, Jay and Pam decide to go off to have sex and are attacked by weird creatures. Scott, a student prone to hallucinations, spends the night in front of the campfire, medicating himself with a bottle of tequila. In the morning the students wake to find Pam and Jay missing, they panic, but soon find the couple passed out in their pajama's beside the remains of their lantern [It had been torn apart by "a bear," Johnny suggests.] Neither one of course, quite remembers what occurred. About halfway through the day the group stumbles across a horse, in full tack, without anyone around. Blake immediately decides to try and ride it, he is instead dragged some distance and is left with a shattered arm. The group deliberates for a time before finally deciding that Johnny should take Blake back to town to get treatment while the rest of the group continues on to the camp. Now that the group separates, they are easy picking's for the marauding creatures, who taking full advantage, kill both Johnny and Blake that night. The rest of the group encounters Arnie, a gruff, but overall helpful, mountain-man. He allows them to stay at his cabin and in the middle of the night, Scott wakes the group by talking in a distorted voice, and screaming "Blake and Johnny are dead," and as we should expect, the group decides to deal with it in the morning. The following morning, Arnie, who is Jack the bartender's brother, reveals that strange things have been happening at the camp/mine the group is headed for. He claims that groups of people have vanished there without any trace. Pam confirms this, and reveals that all along her intentions for this expedition were to study the abandoned mines. Jay and the students are angered at first, but, as Arnie reveals, Scott is a Channeler and will be drawn to the mine regardless. Scott then leaves the cabin and continues on alone towards the mines. At this point, a whole bunch of crap happens. I could explain further, but to do so would only serve two purposes; to further illustrate that I still have no clue what is happening in this movie, and to rob you of the anti-climactic payoff you will receive should you ever be unfortunate enough to be forced to endure this film. The Channeler is a bland, nonsensical movie that is devoid of any truly redeeming qualities. It starts off slow and continues that way throughout. The special effects are mediocre at best and laudable at worst. The creature's "razor sharp claws" react suspiciously like rubber when they slap them against a car's windshield, there are no muzzle-flashes when Johnny fires his gun, fires are used as explosions and the great monster at the end looks far too much like plastic, even for a movie with a budget like this one's. I have twice watched The Channeler; once right after purchasing it, and once more, years later, to write this review. In conclusion, odds are, I will never watch it again. PIG RATINGS! [each rating is on a scale of 1 through 10.] GORE - 1.8 SENSELESS VIOLENCE - 4.3 HUMAN CRUSHING FACTOR - 2.5 FUN - 4 OVERALL [not an average] - 3.6 |