My Poetry

My Poetry

My Poetry

I.
I wonder what they meant to do when they said "I'll never hurt you." And all they ever said was misread. Words unspoken to give me a token of their mind when I leave the world behind and fly towards an unearthly site, tonight I am taking flight. I shall not fall from grace until you look me in the face and said this was not a place for me. In your arms, safe from harm, can you ever love me again, besides as a friend? Love, this is not easy for me to pretend to be out of love with you when all I want to do is touch those precious lips with mine, and hold those fingertips. Stuck in a whirlwind of drugs and glowsticks, I cannot see past the ticks of the hours of the clock that holds the power to determine all time when we cannot seem to find ourselves amidst this mess of tears, held back throughout the years. Perhaps i will learn not to yearn for you. Loving you has been my pride, yet now it has become my demise. Goodbye.

II.
I run as fast as my legs will carry this weary body of mine, searching for another place and time. Where I will not be such a disgrace, I wonder if time will ever cease to make me old; knowing all of my faults, my being distraught over losing you, my lover, my one true happiness. Now at least my stress is less, other than the stress of having you not with me, where you should be. My arms wrapped around your body as we lose track of time and our minds become heavy with thoughts of each other exploring the deeps of our souls as we discreetly slip our hands down into forbidden lands. Love, this is our night, the night when all will be right because we have each other, deeply and fully tonight. I know that we will make it, for we lie naked beneath the skies and all our tears have dried, and we have left only the indentations of our bodies in the sand. You will pray for the day this will happen again, for you, my friend will want this forever after our last good-bye kiss. For if you were to leave, you could not breathe the life my body gives you. And my soul will die young after our love has gone, a timeless affair amidst bodies bare.

III.
I feel as though there is no justice in this world. When the man who raped me goes free after just three short years in jail, my emotions are derailed. After he stripped me of my innocence, he ran away with little consequence. This is life? Not in my mind, for in my mind we should live in a time where an eye for an eye is all that exists, and no one can resist the power of my scorn, for I am the One who sees all evil deeds punished, and you will not be spared, for I care too much for myself to let you destroy me and the power that i see within myself. You will not be the end of me, for the light that shines within is enough to win the love of this world and further above it all is the night that holds me in its wings, knowing of all things great and small, knowing you are nothing at all. But me, I am the power that is and that will forever be. And as i lay me down to sleep, I am in ecstasy for I am in control now, and you will find yourself in hell. wondering how you got there, and thinking then- it was her, and all will be heard. For you are nothing but a sin, and my soul you could never win.

IV.
Depression seeps in when I can't get within a mile's reach of your heart, and all that was started has now gone. And I was wrong, so wrong about you. You led me to believe that I was all you wanted, oh how I've been daunted by your shallow sweetness, let me undress this fear i have of you. You cannot seem to find the time to hear me laugh, speak, or whine anymore, not like before. And all my problems seem meaningless to you, but they didn't used to. You have changed, yet I have remained the same, loving you through and through...seeing you leave every night without a goodnight. I need you, but cannot possibly understand exactly all that my heart demands of you. It seems almost as if you took what you wanted to get, and then let me go. And now I walk, seemingly alone... how long will it take you to come home to me?

V.
I long for you- like no other ever could. I wish to speak to you, if only you would listen to the flow of my eternal words. You should stay and attempts to understand the depths of my love. Let go of all your inhibitions, and let me complete my mission to make you fall in love with me, and for us to be everything- that matters. I hear the laughter in your thoughts. Knowing all I fought to be with you. Losing my identity just for me to be with you. All my dreams would shatter and all that would matter was your pride, and the old pictures of me by your side. The trophy that helped you lose your virginity was a person- it was me. And yet you do not care that I shared my heart, mind and body with you. My soul you never touched, and I never thought it could hurt so much.

VI.
I sit here, a pounding in my heart, not knowing where or how to start the story of my life and all its strife. All comes slowly, and quickly it fades, as you bade me good-bye. I sit and try to comprehend your words- my world crumbles. And I am tumbling down to the ground, everything is nothing. I am not aloud to touch your face which was full of love and grace to me- it was all I could see. Perhaps you will return, or better yet burn and sear my skin with your glare as I politely stare into your direction when I see my reflection in your eyes. Still yet, you will be my demise.

VII.
Comfort me, my angel of love, as my mind runs wild thinking of the past where we could not last longer than a few weeks because you were too meek to bare with the distance between us. The love fleeted from you, and my heart was defeated once again- I can still feel the pain as it rains on me everyday. Hold me now- comfort the pain somehow. Today is not the day that I will be well, because if you have to tell me you do not care, then I cannot be there to watch you with another girl who;s hair does not curl nearly as cutely as mine. Her feelings will fade fast, and she will cast your bleeding heart into the sand. You will be lost in a land of desperation, and only then will you have the revaluation that you should have never left me, dying - holding my bleeding heart- torn apart.

Fallen
The rain has just started to pour outside her window.
She’s drowning in her thoughts, fears, and tears of sorrow.
She stands before her mirror, questioning who she is.
Asking herself, “does it get any better than this?”
She wipes the smeared black makeup from her cheek,
As she brings her head back up, and takes another peek.
She stares at her face, dripping wet with tears.
And it is still herself, and the evil inside her that she fears.
She jumps at the sound of thunder cracking just outside.
But it isn’t the rainstorm from which she’d like to hide.
She must save herself from the person she has become.
And she must learn to accept who she is, now that it’s all done.
She can’t live with herself, knowing how she caused her loved ones pain.
So she takes all of her thoughts and fears outside to dance with her in the rain.
She falls on the grass, laughs and shouts, “this can’t be real!”
Insanity overwhelms her, as she shuts down from the pain she feels.
Lying on the grass, tears and rain falling into never-ending streams.
She searches within herself, and releases all of her dreams.
After all that she has done, she has lost all of her hope.
And now, with this pain, and this Hell, she must learn to cope.
She climbs to her feet, only to fall back to the ground.
Shouting in silent screams, not making a sound.
She is broken down now completely now, unable to stand.
All she needs is for someone to hold her hand.
She cannot speak at all, she can only cry and moan.
Lying still, in a pool of her own tears, she is alone.
She crawls slowly towards the door, and climbs back into bed.
She no longer feels pain or guilt, her heart is dead.
She takes one last look into the mirror, and it is plain to see,
That the evil stranger staring back at her is me.

~~Ecstacy~~

If we could,
We would,
Lay there,
Completely bare.
Entangled in our love,
Screaming high above.
Slightly on our knees,
Hearing both our pleas.
On the floor-
We beg for more.
What more could we ask for?
To rush my love down through your core.
On the bed-
The words have been said.
Now it is time,
To make you mine.
Climb over me-
Only then, will you see.
Do we love enough?
Must we be rough?
Yes you may-
We continue to play.
Do what you will-
My world has gone still.
Go deeper now-
I don't care how.
I want to make love to you-
Please tell me what I must do.
Touch me deep inside-
I'm open wide...
Everything I have to give is yours,
So take it now, and again...once more.
Show me your sweet world-
I swear I won't say a word.
Take me down to your bed-
Inside of your head.
There's no where to go-
But to lose control.
So lose it with me-
And explore ecstacy.

12/20/97

~~Broken~~

My paradise has shattered,
But I am still intact.
But nothing else matters,
Because it is my love that I lack.

I have lost all I've ever known,
And all I have ever loved.
Although my mind has grown,
My soul has floated high above.

I feel completely dead inside,
For I have lost you, dear.
I have no choice now, but to hide,
What I feel when you come near.

I fall apart when you come before my eyes,
I must catch myself before I fall.
My heart recalls your vicious lies,
Yet I can fee no hate at all.

I don't know what to say or do,
So I'll just kindly lie.
I'd love to say I love you,
But then I would quickly die.

Because most important today,
Is that you are just my friend.
I must wish my love away,
Or our friendship will come to an end.

I must keep my love from you,
No matter what I do.
Although your heart will always know,
That I will forever love you.
12/4/97

She Taught Me Love I used to think that love was just some kind of good feeling.
Something you said to someone if you liked them more than usual.
The words you said when there was an uncomfortable silence with your partner.
Just something to say to not make ending a conversation seem empty.
Something you had to say to not make a break-up seem so harsh.
Now I know what it is to love, and to be in love, to really love.
Love is the all-encompassing feeling of greatness.
The feeling that you can be yourself and do anything with her.
Love is trusting her completely enough to share your every thought and dream with her.
Knowing that if the world ends tomorrow, you lived a great life because she was in it.
Loving is giving all of yourself with no limitations, and no exceptions.
Having hope, and complete faith in her to know that she will always do what's best for you.
Putting your life in her hands, trusting beyond a shadow of a doubt that she'll keep it safe.
Love is being empowered to do it all just by her words.
Feeling every wonderful feeling when you're with her, and every horrible one when you're not.
Love is everything you cannot describe, and everything words cannot explain.
When your last thought at night, and your first thought in the morning is of her.
Love is being overwhelmed with emotion when you think of how much you love her.
Crying when she is in pain, only when you have wiped away her last tear.
Love is making your every decision only after you've thought about how it will affect her.
Love is overcoming every obstacle, and pushing every boundary to be with her.
Love is accepting her, with her every fault, her every doubt, and her every fear, And turning them into her strongest qualities, her certainties, and her hopes.
I never knew what love was, until she stepped into my life, Now I know the meaning of true love - only because she taught me what it was to love.
She taught me Love.
3/15/98

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