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Monday 12/30/02
Bones vs Time Warner.
5:30 pm Time Warner (automated voice): thank you for calling the
time Warner Tec support......
5:40pm Bones: get on with it fucker, I really don't have the time to be
doing this
5:45pm TM: press 1 if you are experiencing difficulties with your
internet service
Bones: 11111111111111111 fucker
TW: thank you, please hold for the next available tec support agent
Bones: stupid answering machine........
6:30pm (still on hold) TW (still automated): Time Warner cable
introduces...........
Bones: God damn, is it not bad enough that I have to sit here on hold
because your service technicians are incompetent but i must also endure you
cashing in on the opportunity to solicit your goods along with the horrid
goddamned elevator music. this is inhumane.
7:00 pm TW (still a machine): We are aware that many of our customers are
without service, our technicians are working on the problem at this time,
please be patient while we attempt to restore service. Please hold to
speak with a Tec support representative.
Bones: no shit it is out of service, I am baffled at your employees
levels of incompetence. What the hell do you guys do, sit around
and play solitaire and watch old school Ron Jeremy porno movies. I
know the economy is shit right now but I cant believe that you fuckers cant
afford to hire anyone who has a fucking clue what a DNS server is. Why
am I gonna speak with a rep, why not the real people so i can let them know
how lame they are and that i intend to hack their personal computers when i
get service back, i have an old school 56k, I don't give a fuck i have work
to do, let me speak with a human.
7:30 TW (still the fucking answering machine): We apologize for the wait,
we expect your hold time shouldn't take anymore than the standard 10
minutes, thank you for your business.
Bones: 10 minutes, 10 FUCKING MINUTES, I AM GOING TO KILL ALL OF YOU,
EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU AND THEN I AM GOING TO SYSTEMATICALLY HUNT DOWN YOUR
FAMILIES AND PROCEED TO DRAW AND QUARTER THEM DOWN TO YOUR FUCKING PET
DOG. YOU ASSHOLES, YOU ARE GOING TO PAY FOR THIS TIME.
7:35 TW (omfg, its a human): Hello my name is Shawn, what seems to be the
problem?
Bones: i will tell you what the problem is, i don't have the
internet. i cant bullshit with people across the planet, i cant play
mindless video games, i cant update my website, i can even check my email,
and i am losing the will to live. when is this problem going to be
resolved?
Shawn: Well we are experiencing some problems in your area sir.
Bones: No shit, really? i wouldn't have ever guessed, now if you
intend to waste anymore time than the fucking 2 hours of my life that is
gone thanks to this phone call, well I am going to have to come down there
in person and get this shit straightened out.
Shawn: Sir, please calm down. We are currently working to correct
the problem.
Bones: when is the so called problem going to be remedied?
Shawn: We don't have an ETA on that yet.
Bones: how did i know you were going to say that. Well listen dude
if i may be so bold to call you dude. Dude, this is the forth time
this shit has happened this month. I demand free service for the next
six months along with a dramatic increase on bandwidth. i think that
is fair compensation for the poor service and loss of time i have experienced
due to your ill prepared answering service.
Shawn: Sir i cannot do that.
Bones: Let me speak to someone who can.
Shawn: Alright but i am going to have to put you on hold sir.
Bones: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, Listen up Shawn or dude or
whatever your name is, i have made my demands, you will comply with them or
suffer the wraith of my ill tempered err.... something evil. I dont
know what yet but it is going to be evil.
Shawn: (trying to hold in a laugh) Sir we will get your internet back on
as soon as possible, Good bye. ::Click::
Bones: Sonofagoddamanedbitchwhoreslutthing. ::calls a diff TW number. the
one for customer service::
TW: (i am just going to skip this 10 minute line of crap they made me
listen to in order to speak to a human) Time Warner this is Susan,how can i
help you.
Bones: (explains the situation and the rude way Shawn spoke with me and
how i was displeased with the service and was greatly considering switching
to DSL)
Susan: yes i see this isnt the first time your address has had
these service issues. Blah Blah Blah. Could we interest you in a free
month of service and a package increase?
Bones 1, Time Warner 0 | 
