Reflections on breaking up

January 10, 2006

I am sorry that this might be a bit depressing, but I just ended what has thus far been the longest love relationship of my life this Christmas and I am going to moan about it for a little while.

Yes, we broke up during the Christmas holidays. No, I didn’t unilaterally end the relationship. It was mutual. I was beginning to feel like the talking would never stop and he was wondering when it would get started and that wasn’t helping either of us. We’re ending it on good terms, maybe not permanently, but most likely so. And there are a couple of things I’ve noticed about breaking up so civilly.

First off, it is no where near as exciting as getting mad. If I were mad, I could rant instead of mope. I could say mean things about him to people who would probably repeat it later in his company and not even think twice about it. I could insist that he get all his stuff out NOW! God dammit! But, no… It’s not working out that way. As it stands, I think everyone around this house is just sad (Except my cat, who seems to have had the best Christmas of his life, aside from the fact that he’s now afraid to go outdoors, but that’s another story).

Second, it doesn’t feel like very much has changed. He’s still basically living here. He’s taken work far from here, but is still around on weekends, but that’s no different than what most of our relationship has been like since I moved to the city. His laundry still sits in the corner of my room and I haven’t even gone and done the cool make-over thing that girls do in movies when they go through something like this. All I’ve done his get highlights in my hair and only one kid I know has noticed, none of my friends and no one at work or school. BAH!

My friends are paying more attention to me now. Molly cut class today to hang out with me and Amy looked like she really wanted to spend more time together, even though she doesn’t have any. In some ways this feels like much ado about nothing. Yes, it is a major life change, but it isn’t like he died or anything. We’re still getting along and he’s not an asshole, so I’m having a hard time accepting the sympathy of others. But at the same time, I feel a little like I kind of need it. I mean, obviously, I am trying to talk this out and am looking for advice. So far, everyone is just telling me to do something for myself. People are actually encouraging ME (who maintains an online wish list) to be selfish.

Well, have at it. Any more advice?