Now, don't be misled by the title of this article. Obviously I can't tell you specifically what you should do with your life. However, there are certain generalizations that can be made that can be an aid to arriving at whatever decision is best for you. In addition, there are certain pieces of misinformation that are frequently spread that cloud the whole scenario. I'm unlikely to, in the short amount of time that I'm giving myself to write this, uncover every single one of these bits of false counseling, but once you get started on the skeptical path you can do the heavy lifting for yourself.

First off, don't panic. You aren't doing as bad as you probably think you are. One of the things that constantly assaults most people is the sense that they should have achieved more or done more by now. This idea is preposterous. You have to remember that many of your expectations as to what a good life should be come from the screwed up perspective of your mother culture. Had you been born an Eskimo, the only thing that you would have had to master by the age of 18 is killing a seal. Our culture is based entirely on consumerism, and the illusion of our culture will completely collapse if people suddenly become incapable of buying super-expensive, ridiculous things they don't need. For that reason, there is a lot of brainwashing going on out there that tells you the only way to be happy is to make a bunch of money so that you can buy shit. If you are currently making a bunch of money and you think you are happy, then fine, just keep going. But if you're broke and miserable because you haven't done what society tells you is best, just remember that getting down on yourself in this fashion is fairly ethnocentric. All it takes to make an Eskimo happy is clubbing a baby seal to death. Give that a shot before you determine it's all been for nothing.

Speaking of getting down on yourself, let's talk about suicide. Look, thinking of killing yourself is pretty normal, if you don't have that feeling every now and then it's probably because you aren't taking big enough risks. However, you have to remember, this is not a video-game. If you kill yourself it's game over, so, if necessary, you might have to trick yourself out of killing yourself. For example, when I'm feeling down, I get drunk. You say to yourself, "I'm going to kill myself after this drink," and then you find that the drink was pretty good and so you have another one and another and soon you're asleep and then you're safe because nobody kills themselves in the morning when they're hung-over. This is one of those things that I think our mother's groups and our legislation overlook. If you're 16 and you're suicidal or whatever before you kill yourself, HAVE A DRINK! SMOKE SOME POT! CALL A PHONE SEX LINE! Who cares what laws you break! Do whatever you have to do to get through the moment. Getting drunk is better than getting killed. A lot of the times trying to adhere to all the stupid rules we surround ourselves with is the reason you want to kill yourself in the first place. Make some changes! Once you make it through to the morning, do some traveling, leave the country, go on a camping trip. SHAKE THINGS UP! You might find that there is a lot to live for, but don't sit around by yourself and dwell on your misery.

Ok, now that we've gotten through the basic rules of survival, here's something else to remember. Don't get into debt. OK, OK, if you have big plans and you're sure in your heart that you want to be a doctor or whatever, get the loans and go to school, but remember that once you pull the trigger on something like that, you're going to be married to that occupation for the rest of your life so you better be sure. The reality is that a lot of young Americans do a lot of stupid stuff. They buy a new pick-up truck or a house or shit that they don't really need and then they handcuff themselves to the same shitty job they hate for the next 10-30 years or whatever are the terms of their loan. An education isn't a bad reason to get in debt, but traveling is just as much (actually more) of an education than sitting around in some idiotic classroom listening to some jerk-off who never took a chance in his/her whole life. If you're 18 and you don't know what to do, then take it easy, don't make any commitments that tie you up for the next 30 years. Give yourself 5 years! You're going to be OK, you can survive by working at McDonald's for Christ sake. Remember that before you do anything drastic!

The wealthiest people are the ones who are not in debt. Even if you don't have a house or a car or a penny in the bank but you are debt free, you are wealthier than some guy with a 500,000$ home that the bank owns driving around in a new car that he has leased. Work on obtaining assets that continue to bring you money. Invest in mutual funds or dividend paying funds that grow over time (check out this page www.vanguard.com, it's easy to set up an account there). DO NOT GENERATE CREDIT CARD DEBT! Look, credit card debt is the stupidest thing in the world you can get. Now, it is good to have one credit card with you for emergencies or whatever, and if you pay your bills at the end of the month you don't pay any interest. But the thing about credit cards is they essentially offer you a loan with a lot less paperwork than a bank. This seems great until it comes time to pay back the loan and you find you have to pay 17% interest or something crazy like that. You can get bank loans for 4% or 5% (this fluctuates massively but even if you only get a bank loan for 8% or 10% it's still a lot better than paying off your credit card debt at 17%). If all this seems like too much math for you, then maybe the best thing you can do is just tear up your card and save up your money before you buy things. Or get a debit card where the money is taken from your bank account. If you don't pay your credit card bills on time, you eventually pay 3 or 4 times the price of whatever item you bought! That's just a stupid waste of money.

Make up your own mind about what your relationships should be like. If you don't think you should have to pay for your girlfriend's dinner all the time in this age of equality, then talk to her about it. If she gets pissed off, then leave her. There are plenty of people out there and anybody you're in a relationship with owes it to you to at least LISTEN to the things you have to say. You aren't OBLIGATED to be with ANYONE! Not your parents not your high school friends, not ANYONE. If people treat you like shit you MUST make them accountable. Nobody else is going to. A lot of people get on your case if you decide you just don't want to talk to your parents anymore, but the reality is that a lot of parents are abusive people. Nobody would fault a girl for not talking to a father who had repeatedly raped her when she was a child, and that precedent establishes that there are crimes of which parents are guilty that are unpardonable. Most of the time people tell you "but they're your parents!" Bullshit! Everything is a case by case basis and if the people you are surrounded with, by choice or not, are making your life miserable and making it impossible for you to achieve what you want to achieve, then cut them loose. It's better than killing yourself, and the reality is that you don't owe anybody anything.

Play sports, get exercise. For one thing, these are past-times that are free once you've bought a basketball and a pair of running shoes. For another thing they keep you in great physical shape and that makes sex better. EVERYBODY can get into great shape. Don't let yourself start thinking that you're a nerd or a non-athlete or whatever. You can be whatever the fuck you want to be. Get off your ass and run. But don't overdo it. A lot of people think that they have to sprint like it's a 100 yard dash every time they go out running. Just go out for an hour and do the best you can. You don't even have to go faster than a walking pace, but just do it. Go three times a week for the first month and then add an hour a week every month after that. It's not that hard, and it will completely change your perspective on the world.

Have faith in the shit that you think. The outside world doesn't exist, there's no proof of it, the only thing that you really, truly know exists is your own thoughts and perceptions. It might all be a big, unfair computer program like the Matrix designed just to torment you, if that's the case, then you just can't give it any credibility.

Well, that's about enough for now, hope this helped. Now I'm off to get drunk.

The End