Hey all, once again a long absence, but shit, it's been crazy lately. Once I got free and clear from my shitty job teaching English in Peru, I went flying up to the US to see what kind of fun I could have. In the end, hell, it wasn't as wild and crazy as it could have been, but I was satisfied. Sometimes it's more rewarding to check in with old mates and touch base and maybe even establish some new connections, than it is to set yourself on fire or run the streets of Philedelphia naked.

Anyway, first off was getting out of Peru. No small feat now that I'm a resident. I had to produce the proper papers...tax documents that proved I'd paid my taxes...which I hadn't. However, I got the place I was working at to produce the papers eventually (they never liked doing anything for anybody, including paying us) and the man behind the gate at customs took them so it was all good. I flew LAN airlines which is the best airlines in the world because they. 1. Serve you food (free) 2. Serve you drinks (free...wine, beer) 3. Have a mini-TV screen in every seat which you can use to play video games or watch a movie of your choice. People tell me I should invest in American compaines. I always tell them I will as soon as American companies produce a better product than foreign ones. I don't subsidise, that's not the American way.

So then I flew into Miami and had a distant uncle pick me up. I hadn't seen the dude except for 3 times in my life and 2 of those were my grandparent's funerals. So he and his wife picked me up and took me to their little retirement home which they joke is in Disneyland. It more or less is, there isn't an untrimed hedge on the whole block. Took me out to dinner...good fucking food. Then their son came down, the one who was on the olympic rowing team back in, I don't know what, and came in fourth though they were favored to win. Bittersweet.

The next day I was off again flying to Denver, sitting next to a sweet young thing on the airplane, blond, 26, just coming out of a relationship with an older man who told her to chose between him and the baby. She was cool in that she didn't want to talk about herself because she realized right away that she didn't have any stories as good as spiking pirhanas on the Amazon or having a bunch of Ecuadorian soldiers with AK-47s drive me off a tour bus near the Peruvian boarder. We talked the whole damn flight and started making batty eyes at one another but it wasn't going to happen. My uncle was picking me up and I prefer to keep my affairs descret. Maybe I should start learning to just call people when I arrive at the airport if nothing better works out.

My uncle was there, spun me around for a couple days. I got to bounce some ideas off him about what I should do next. Good to do every now and then, good to run your experiences by a pair of older eyes and see what kind of cobwebs they knock loose. He gave me some ideas, we'll see what I do with them. Then I was off to visit my cousin who is concerned about a business he just bought. We went out drinking and this little latina picked me up and wanted to dance and my cousin got a little upset with me until I had her dance with him. All worked out OK, but she didn't want to come home with us. I was going to get her drunk and slip her into his bed, there's no better way to make somebody loyal to you than getting them laid. Didn't happen though, probably for the best.

The next day was a blizzard and I drove from Denver to Grand Junction at 30 miles an hour. Cars in the ditch everywhere. Carnage, craziness. I didn't think I was going to make it but a nice old lady at the gas station in Idaho Springs who kept calling me "darlin'" assured me it would all be alright. I got there. Visited my friend Chris who apologetically informed me he's working for Haliburton now. Made me laugh. I said shit man, as long as you're making the big dollars and nobody's shooting at you, I'm not too concerned. We went skiing, he put the hurt to me out there, it's been a long time since I've been in good shape.

Then back to Denver to fly to Minneapolis to visit some more friends in the Twin Cities. We went into this shitty little posh bar and my friend's wife grew concerned when I suggested a bar fight would liven the place up. Everybody was wearing black turtlenecks, I figured I could take the majority of them. She's always getting embarrassed by me. I didn't fight. We went home and played trivial pursuit. Trivial indeed.

Then, off to Dave's house and his Polish wife for a celebration of Polish vodka. They'd just gotten back from the old country and there were a million kids there who remembered me from high school. Most of them were younger than me and they surprisingly had fond recollections although I didn't know who most of them were. I wasn't going to participate in the shot competition, but after somebody offered me for the second time I started right in. I was in the lead for a while, then a dude pulled a half shot ahead and I knew it was over for me. But then he went to the bathroom and threw up and I declared myself the winnner, but it was sort of a hollow victory, like winning the Tour de France on a dequalificiation.

Then I took the shuttle to Eau Claire, college town. Cars in the ditch everywhere. "It's always the guys with 4 wheel drive in the ditch," cackled the driver, "they think they got extra traction, they ain't got shit." My old college roomate picked me up. He's the guy who used to win the "make your own swimsuit" competition. He's got 4 kids at home and one more that comes every other weekend. We sat around and drank and watched movies like Star Wars and Indiana Jones. I lifted weights.

Up to see my mom for one day. Got the flu that night. Spent it throwing up. Nasty. I'd eaten a whole tub of popcorn before and it was all scratchy as it came back out. Worst thing to eat. She made me soup in the morning and signed me up for a marathon in June. Hope to get back for that.

Back to Eau Claire to visit one of my old college professors. He always insists on seeing me to ask me what the hell I'm doing. He wants me to get a master's degree, I told him I don't have faith in acadamia, I want to learn on the road, living in foreign countries. He was torn between liking the idea and not liking it. His wife made good food though, damn good. We drank coffee and discussed literature. Most people don't like going into the detail we do, so it's good to catch up.

The next day I was on a plane again. Flew into Chicago where they really didn't seem to be excited enough about the super bowl. Then on to Miami where the super bowl is going to be held. I had to wander the airport for 12 hours. I called up an old girlfriend from australia. She seemed to be doing good but it made me melancholy to talk to her. She's one of a couple that I could have settled down with and been happy. You never know though, you just got to roll with it.

Made it back to Peru and moved into my new place. I'm still getting it under wraps, figuring out a place to store my underwear. I'm working on a new book called "Piscis", it's about my last five years in Peru. We'll see what happens with it.

More updates like this should be on the way. Good luck to everybody. Cheers!

The End