Well, here I am again, writing an entry willy-nilly in some shitty internet cafe in the third world. Actually that whole third world moniker pisses people off and is totally politically incorrect, but nobody gives a shit. As long as something doesn't belong to the designated class of the recognized "oppressed" nobody can bitch about talking about them derogatorally. But seriously, since when does the word "third" designate something that isn't shit? How would you like it if people called your country third class? But it doesn't matter, I'm here to talk about Miami Vice.
Miami Vice, what a piece of shit third class celluloid junk of garbage. Actually, it would have been good if they'd had the original two dudes in it. Don Johnson and that guy whose name people only remember so they don't look like racists for only remembering the name of the white guy. What a third class attitude. Anyway, they replaced old Don and whoever with Colin Farril, ferril, Feral? and whoever...the Ray Charles guy. Yeah, shit I know his name, but only because he won an oscar for portraying Ray Charles. I mean, sure it takes a true thespian to be able to put on a pair of dark glasses and swing your head back and forth like a deranged pedulum.
It's one of the world's biggest crocks of shit that you aren't allowed to criticise the Academy for giving an Award to Jamie Foxx for a piece of shit performance because then all of a sudden you're "racist." Fuck that, you know who deserved to win? Samuel L. Jackson. I mean seriously, Jackson is one of the 3 or 4 best actors out there but I think he seriously scares the voters of the academy (there's nothing to be scared of, he's just acting...you know, that thing that Jamie Foxx doesn't do?). Anyway, Jackson should have been the first black man to win best actor for his role in Jackie Brown...but Denzel won instead for...shitty of all shitties...Training day. Well, at least it was Denzel and not Jamie. At least Denzel can act.
Speaking of acting, that's something Colin Farwell can't do. I mean the guy just stands around with his mouth half open thinking (erroneously) that it looks sexy. Duh...I'm, who am I again? Oh yeah, Mr. Not quite as good as Don Jonson...not even close.
They didn't even have hot chicks in that movie, I mean come on! It's about Miami! Let's see some more skanky dancing in sleezy bars. Heck!
The only cool part about the whole flick was how they kept going to Havana Cuba. That looks like the fucking place. You start talking about Key West and Cuba and you can't help but think of Papa Bear and you see the whole allure to living like that. Then the fucking idiot movie takes over and it's all about trying to make Colin ferrocarril look sexy. Can't be done. He looked like a GQ biker with an associates degree in plumbing. Wow...cool, I'm impressed with the piece of shit mother fucker. Why didn't they get Mickey Rourke to do the role? Fucking morons.
So, in conclusion. Miami Vice, four stars out of four. Cinematic masterpiece. I wet myself watching it. The End