Great, Christmas again, another time of year when everybody starts bitching and moaning about how disrespectful everybody is about their fucking religion. Somehow, lost in all the chaos, is that just by lamenting this point the complainers are being disrespectful to other religions. Newsflash, I don't want to hear your bullshit 12 point program as to what I can do to show greater respect for whatever fucked up shit you happen to believe . How about showing a little respect for MY religion that states that I shouldn't, under any circumstances, have to hear a god damned thing about YOURS!
And whose idea was it to build a buch of horrible little strings of Christmas lights that play irritating 12-bit versions of "jingle bells" 24/7. These things don't even have the musical quality of a modern cellular phone, they just drone out the songs over and over in this metallic, overly digitized excuse for music that would probably make anybody with any kind of ear trained for music want to stick pencils into their eyes. I mean for me, listening to that crap is just a minor annoyance, but what if you were actually trained in music? What if you actually spent 40 hrs a week perfecting your ear so that you could hear subtle differences down to just a few wavelengths in musical notes, all for the sake of giving a perfect orchestral performance. What if you did all that, and on the walk home you were accosted by fifty cheap decorative strings on dying batteries playing jingle bells like a dying sailor might on a sinking raft.
"jjjjjjjjjjjjiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnngggllllllll...URRRRRRRRRR GRUUUNT....BEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLSSSSSSSS....zzzzzztttt!"
And we've got to watch stupid cartoons where polar bears and penguins can drink coke together. Fuck coke. Why don't they show cartoons where the polar bears have to go to the dentist after drinking that shit. Or, better yet, a cartoon where the penguin drinks the coke and then the polar bear tears its head off and drinks it again. Oh...and Santa Claus is working for Coke these days too....Yeah, way to go and abscond with a cultural icon just to sell your shit ass product. Why doesn't Santa ever appear in Pepsi ads? Coke can't possibly have a trademark on him. He's supposed to be this public domain figure meant to symbolize kindness and generosity, but of Coke has to go and shit all over that image just to sell their fucking product.
Why don't they put Jesus in their damn ads? They should put Jesus on the cross and then have some soldier come and hand him a Coke, but Jesus can't drink the Coke because his hands are stapled into the cross, so a penguin flys down from heaven and holds the bottle to let Jesus drink, then a bunch of Polar bears come and kill everybody...all to the tonorous music of "Jingle Bells" being played on a cheap, plastic speaker on half a battery.
"jjjjjjjjjjjjiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnngggllllllll...URRRRRRRRRR GRUUUNT....BEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLSSSSSSSS....zzzzzztttt!"
You know what else people are getting mad about? The fact that they call a Christmas tree a "Holiday Tree." SHUT THE FUCK UP! I mean for fuck's sake, people are just trying to show a little respect for other religions. It's still a transparent effort to act like all religions are respected in the states instead of just Navidad. I mean, every work place has time off around Christmas season, the ads on TV are all about Christmas. What they should really do is not call it Christmas at all, they should call it Corporatmas. Christmas is just about buying shit for people who don't need it and pretending to be nice to people you hate.
How about this for a Christmas idea. Give the people you care about a hug and tell them that you love them. Don't spend a dime. If your girlfriend starts to bitch about not getting the pair of diamond earings that she wanted, tell her to go fuck herself. OK, in all fairness, you should probably give people a head's up warning that you aren't going to buy them anything just so they don't spend a buttload on you. But shit, if that's the underlying assumption, and if they get pissed to give a lot and not receive, it's them that's missing the point and not you.
Good luck surviving the suicide high season.