God, what a worthless piece of shit this movie is. I mean, most Hollywood movies insult my intelligence, but this one truly pisses me off. Now, I'm talking about the 2004 version, not the 1965 version with Jimmy Stewart that I haven't seen, but which is probably a piece of shit too.

I recently had to watch this repugnant, sorry excuse for a film for the third, can you believe it, THIRD, time! The first time I went, I was rather curious, and I had been drawn in by the ads and whatever. If you don't know, the movie is about a hotshot pilot who crashes his plane in the middle of the Gobi desert (Mongolia). His passengers are made up of a bunch of oil drillers and a mysterious stranger named Elliot who hangs out, for the most part, by himself. Figuring they aren't going to be rescued anytime soon, they decide to build a new plane from the wreckage of the old. The first time I got done watching this film, I was almost breathing fire with rage. I was set, even then, to write an article about it, but I knew that I was too emotional and it would be just a meaningless, scathing rant (as opposed to this article which is far more level-headed and reasonable). The second time I saw it, I was dragged along by a girl I know, and my irritation was confirmed. The third time I saw it was because it was playing on a bus I was taking from Huaraz to Lima and it helped distract me from the smelly guy sitting just to my left who kept touching himself the entire trip (I'd rather get worked up into a righteous rage over a movie than give some smelly, horny guy the wrong idea).

The reason this movie pisses me off beyond all reason is that it is pretty much designed as a scathing attack against intelligence. In talks with my friends from other countries, I've learned that this is a phenomenon typical of American movies and American culture in general. Americans seem to think that intelligence is something to be mocked and abused rather than celebrated. This viewpoint comes out in a truly unreasonable way in "Flight of the Phoenix."

If you take the events of the movie all by themselves, it is clear that the character Elliot is the only one who is worth a fuck whatsoever. He's the one that designs the new plane, and orchestrates the people into actually getting organized enough to build it. However, the director or the screenwriter or somebody elected to portray Elliot almost as a villain. Elliot is the classic "nerd" which is a word that I think should be categorized along with "nigger" and "midget" and "gook" as completely unacceptable and offensive. Elliot is brought to life by Giovanni Ribisi in a very interesting performance that stands well on its own despite the utter incompetence of every other aspect of the film.

Now, if you think about it, designing an airplane out of a piece of wreckage and getting a group of people to build it is an amazing achievement. But who does the movie choose as it's "hero?" The idiot pilot Captain Townes played by Dennis Quaid. This choice is made despite the fact that Captain Townes does not make one good decision throughout the entire movie! Not one. His character is an incompetent dumb fuck and the only thing he has going for him is that he is played by Dennis Quaid. First of all, Townes decides to fly the plane into a deadly sandstorm even though the plane is overweight (something Elliot pointed out in time to avoid disaster and was promptly ignored). The plane then crashes and Townes refuses to allow his passengers to try to build a new plane. Finally he relents, only to belittle and abuse Elliot the whole time and refuse to take any orders from him despite the fact that Elliot is trying to save everybody's life. Then he elects to try to ask help from a group of marauding nomadic smugglers only to get one of his men killed. Finally, he gets pissed off at Elliot and punches him in the face for no other real reason than to humiliate him in front of everybody because Elliot was on a pissed off rant about what a jerk-off Townes is.

Essentially, this movie is like American High-School in which the jerk-off, useless jock quarterback has to establish himself as superior to the intelligent, capable person who actually carries the load of the whole fucking world. This he does with a blatant display of the last refuge of the incompetent (AKA Violence) which is somehow then celebrated by the onlookers (?). Why is it acceptable in a movie to have some jock guy punch a nerd? I bet it wouldn't be all that acceptable to show a nerd returning to the school or wherever a day later and blowing away the jock with a gun now would it? Why not? It's just using violence in retaliation for violence. Why isn't that acceptable? Is it just that human beings sub-consciously believe that beauty is just destined to triumph over everything else always? Is that our justification for cruelty? Fuck that! This movie is just so fucking bizarre.

The main conflict is really less about the plane and more about Elliot's struggle to grab the necessary shred of dignity and self-confidence that it takes to save everybody's life, despite the fact that all the people involved only conspire to make him feel worthless. There is an interesting scene after Townes punches Elliot in the face. The token female character decides to act like she is above petty conflict and go and resolve things with Elliot who has decided he's lost interest in building the new plane. His attitude at that point is basically, "fuck it then, you can't treat me with any respect, fine, we'll all die out here." So the girl comes up to him and gives him this big, "come on, let's be big about this, let's get this plane built," speech. So Elliot turns around and looks at her rather defiantly and says, "OK, say 'please.'" If, by some unfortunate turn of events, you happen to watch this movie, take special note of the expression on the woman's face when Elliot makes this rather simple request. I mean, two seconds ago she was telling him he had to be the bigger man, and was acting like she was a bigger person and all that, but when he simply asks her to say "please," she looks at him with what can only be described as utter contempt and disgust. I mean, what a fucking hypocrite! What's the message, that pretty women are always higher on the social pecking order than "nerds" even if it is only the "nerd" that can save everybody's life? But two seconds later, when most of the rest of the members of the group have consented to say "please" to Elliot, and Captain Townes walks in, the woman has no problem silently mouthing the word "please" to him, Townes, the jock football star type. So, let me try and understand this character. She won't directly say please to the "nerd" under any circumstances, but she will consent to say "please" to Townes who is a fucking brute idiot at the drop of a hat?

You know, if I was making this movie, I would have done this completely different. I would have made Elliot refuse to do any more work on the plane until all the men castrated themselves and the woman gave him a blow-job. I mean, the situation was that he was the top dog! The social pecking order that is maintained in the bullshit US had absolutely no relevance in the Gobi desert. The fact was, the Elliot character was the only one that could keep them alive. He was the king, the top dog. They would have consented to his demands eventually! THEY HAD TO! He should have started calling the shots with a little more ruthlessness.

Along with the brutish Captain Townes, there is the copilot AJ who is a totally worthless piece of garbage. He's portrayed by this black actor and for some reason, somebody (again I don't know if it was the director or the screenwriter or who) thought it would be cool if this guy treated everybody with disrespect all the fucking time. I mean, he calls all the oil drillers "ladies" just to be a dipshit, and is constantly threatening people with a puffed up chest and other demonstrations of physical violence just to establish himself at the top of the pecking order. Somebody thought we were going to admire this guy? He threatens to kill people like four times! This is the model for behavior that our society holds as "cool?" This is a better character to model yourself after than the reflective intellectual?

On top of everything, there is an absolutely horrific musical interlude in which all of the characters, with the exception of Elliot, dance to that fucking horrible Outkast song that I can't stand. God does that song suck. It's just unfathomably horrifically terrible. God! One time a friend of mine's girlfriend was playing the album in her car and I started screaming and tearing out my eyes and bleeding all over the fucking place because the song was so bad. It's fucking horrible! What the hell is wrong with the world? Why do people want to hear that crap? It's CRAP! Are they DEAF! WHAT!

I'm sick of this bullshit of people disrespect intelligent people. Every god damned thing that the human race has done that is of any fucking worth has been done by intelligent people. You think some idiot football jock invented the computer you're reading this article on? Do you have any friends or relatives who had to undergo any kind of medical procedure to save their lives? Oh, I bet you were pretty grateful when they survived because of the efforts of intelligent people then!

I don't know why intelligent people lie down and take this crap in the US. Somebody has to clue them in on the fact that they actually run things and they are the most important people in the world. These representations of absurd situations in which hot-shot assholes call all the shots are completely fantastical. It only serves to create a false reality that helps break down and oppress the actually good people of the world. Fuck that crap!

Next time it's up to me to use my intelligence to save the life of some dipshit asshole I'm just not going to do it. They wouldn't do the same for me anyway, which is why I've had to learn self-reliance to survive. Either they can do the same, or die and rid the world of their flawed genetic material.

The End