Hello again my fine feathered friends. Sorry for the lengthy delay in my pontifications, but Iīve been abroad...to Germany in fact. More on that later, for today there is a literal plethora of ruminations which I feel I must expunge into these little black squiggly lines that some people, perhaps wiser than me, perhaps not, have deigned to call "letters."

In case you were wondering, the above paragraph is a fairly good example of how you can turn a relatively small, or even non-existant point, into a lengthy introduction. College English professors get down on their knees and start to pant at such writing. Not because it is good, but because it is so much better than 99.5 percent of all student writing. The remaining .5% is reserved for those guys who actually try hard and do well on their studies in the false belief that it will actually take them somewhere someday. Later in life, when theyīre bored, fat college professors themselves, married to the first ugly woman that agreed to have sex with them...miserable and losing interest in life, theyīll reflect to themselves 'why o why didnīt I just drink more and party like everybody else?' Then theyīll take out their frustrations on you probably....

Just a gentle warning. Watch out for those bastards.

Yesterday, in the grand city of Puente Piedra, I played basketball. We were playing lighting games, full court, to two points and I couldnīt get a win for the longest fucking time. But then my streak of desperation ended and I put together a string of victories at the end, much like last yearīs struggling Packers...and this yearīs hopefully....but the victories never erase the pain of the defeats...god I hate losing.

Which brings me to Tom Cruise. Yes, weīve all lost out on banging Katie Holms because of that rat bastard. What a gyp. I mean, itīs such a shame that a girl that loudly and proudly proclaimed for all those many years that she was a virgin would eventually lose her virginity and become impregnated by a homosexual. I say again...what a gyp. I mean, does Tom Cruise really think heīs fooling anybody? Heīs obviously gay, everybody knows it, all of his weddings have been a sham to protect his box office potential. Even the great musings of L. Ron Hubbard have not been able to impart that most vital piece of human wisdom to the Tominator that the most important thing in life is to just embrace what you are and the rest of the world be damned.

Come out of the closet Tom...leave the choice tail to the guys who can dig into it without weaping...there you go my friend..I know itīs hard.

Friends...itīs seems now as if Iīm starting to run out of steam. No...donīt worry, itīs not in any grand or life-threatening sense, iīm just tired for the moment, itīs been a half-hour since Iīve had something to drink.

Speaking of that, in Germany we drank this fucked up bottle of alchol that we found in a friend of mineīs apartment. Somebodyīd left it there, we didnīt know what it was. The writing on the label was all in bizzare arabic letters and the only thing we understood were the words "made in Lebanon" and 50%. The shit turned the ice white. Didnīt get me all that drunk though...pity.

But Iīll tell you the whole sordid story later. Itīs a good one...but not that good. Better to have been there drinking with me. Youīd all have been welcome. Canīt have enough crazy people along drinking. And bring your pretty sisters....hell, bring the ugly ones too.

The End