God celebrities with causes piss me off. I mean, these fucking assholes find some way to get on TV or in newspapers with their shit-faced, glossy lips and breast implants and thousand dollar suits or dresses and sit there and rant about how the people in Africa or the Amazon mean so much to them. What a crock of shit! Somebody should follow these people around for the day and make a documentary about how many homeless people they passed by and ignored on the way to their press conference, or how many waiters or waitress they berated and got fired for failing to bring them a lightly fried egg-white omelet.

Look, it's no secret how celebrities act in their real life. They're annoying, selfish, irritating people who don't give a shit about anybody but themselves. This is because they have been pampered like spoiled children for their whole lives on account of the fact that they are physically and superficially beautiful. Spiritually, they're rotten and black.

The worst part about it is that these assholes like to use the media as their canvas to paint an image of themselves as kind, caring, and somehow capable of making a change for the better. And the truth is, these people do have power. Wealth and influence equals power, that's not debatable. The problem arises when that wealth and influence is plugged into a mind that is as untrained and physically flaccid as Jared Fogle's penis.

If you want to make solving the problems of the world your vocation, fine, but don't presume that you can switch to this task after having dedicated yourself to being a superficial idiot. You can't just all of a sudden decide that you are privy to the information that makes the world tick and that you have been somehow chosen to lead the revolution. Sitting around and making needless, idiotic demands of peons out of boredom is not adequate on-the-job training for being the savior of the human race.

Every single time one of these assholes gets on TV and starts talking about how the people in third world countries need our help, I find myself on the verge of imploding with rage. The truth is that these celebrities simply don't give a fuck about these people, they don't! They're just using their plight so that they can prop up themselves. It's just like when asshole recording artists used the Sept. 11th attacks to sell all kinds of "tribute" albums for the fucking firemen and policemen.

Look, a person who is suffering!

Quick, get a picture of me being compassionate to that person that we can plaster all over the media! That way, more people will come to my movies!

Fucking hypocrites! I can't stand this crap.

Let's get something straight right now, actors have no talent whatsoever. The artists involved with making movies are the directors and the screenwriters. The actors are just pieces of meat that the movie is hung on. Think of them has human coat-hangers. Furthermore, actors are so often so completely devoid of personalities that they long for scripts just to give themselves some sort of indication of how they're supposed to behave...at least for a little while. These people are incapable of independent thought. It's really pathetic.

Director: "Now go stand over there!"

Actor: "Durrr, duh....droool, glerp......wha???"

Director: "Now say these words exactly how your voice coach tells you!"

A voice coach? WHAT! The absolute idiocy of actors is apparent just from the idiotic causes they champion. "We've got to send food to Africa!" "We've got to eliminate poverty!" "We've got to eliminate disease!"

Thanks for pointing that out for us Sherlock! I wasn't aware that there was anything bad in the world.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I have gathered you hear to inform you about a horrible scourge that is unfortunately very prevalent throughout the world, it's called hunger, apparently this happens when you don't have anything to eat for a while. Unlike many of you, I know what hunger is like, through the rigors of being an actress, I am often forced to not eat very much, or eat very little for periods as long as several hours, or even a day. But the hunger I'm talking about is even more severe than this (except that it's happening to an ugly person and not to me so it is a little more tolerable to comprehend). Sometimes people go several days without eating, and I'm told that there are pictures of people out there with bones sticking out through their skin. I haven't looked at these pictures because I think that sounds gross, and I haven't been to visit these people because they don't serve egg-white omelets there. But damn it, this has got to end!"

Have you ever noticed how no actor has ever said anything like the following:

"We were going to make 'Dukes of Hazzard 2' but we decided, hey, we care about starving people! How about if we take the 100 million dollars we were going to use on the movie and use it for aid instead?"

NO, they'll never say that because, IT'S NOT REALLY ABOUT HELPING OUT! IT'S ABOUT PUBLICITY!

But sending a 100 million isn't the answer anyway, and that's just another facet of this whole, tepid ordeal that makes me foam with rancor. You don't send money to starving nations, you do things like send them farming technology, and you also get the Catholic church to start promoting birth control so there aren't so many fucking starving babies in the world. Look, at some point we're going to have to limit the Earth's population. It's getting critical and there is only so much food that this little rock can produce. We've got to start educating everybody, it's as simple as that.

But the celebrities are never going to attack the Catholic church...no...that would piss off too many fans. Even though putting pressure in the right places would save the lives of millions, they aren't going to do anything that might actually cause them any discomfort. It's just easier to throw a bunch of money at the problem. Money is something they have, and they can toss it around without feeling any discomfort. Furthermore, the press sees it and decides that they are wonderful so it gets them what they want.

The only people that come out badly are the starving, miserable people in third world countries. But nobody really gives a fuck about them anyway. They're just convenient to use for "righteous" causes.

God does this shit piss me off.

Oh, and I'm writing this from a third world country by the way.

The End