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The Tavern Smiting Shillelagh Armed and Dangerous Witty Banter Various Articles Contact Us

Various Articles: IMPORTANT MESSAGE (from an email to Marc O'Bohan by Sean Henry)

Marc, can you even begin to comprehend how much you fail at life? I didn't think so. You fail so much, that--compared with you--Bush looks like a celebrity. It's kinda scary. Wait, kinda? Let me rephrase that: it's REALLY scary!

Gosh, Marc, I mean...who makes their email address the name of a Warhammer character? Come on! That's so freakin' lame! Who hangs out with a geek homeschooler who plays bagpipes and can't go through two sentences without making some Irish reference? Who has A.D.D., is extremely pessimistic, and sits around all day in clothes from last week playing Elder Scrolls: Oblivion when not at GamesWorkshop? If you had any brains you'd be sitting around contemplating whether there is a Dog like all the other atheists who do nothing with their lives. Who irons their jeans, wears a mullet, and plays a triangle? A triangle! You can do better than that, Marc...or can you? By the facts listed above, apparently not.

With someone like you, I'd normally say to keep your hopes up and try harder in the future; try and make something of yourself, but I've already told you that. And it doesn't work. I tried making a bassist out of you--and even gave you the title "Bassman"--but after playing twice--twice!--you came to the conclusion that you are musically inept. With that sort of hypothesis, every one would be musically inept. Then there was that time I told you not to drink lighter fluid, so you resolved to drink bleach instead. So sad. I don't even want to get into the time when you claimed playing video games for 42 hours straight will lead you to the answer to life, the universe, and everything.

That's how much you fail at life...no offense.



In response, Marc wrote:

you know something sean, i love the fact that you write me this e-mail stating that i have no life and am in fact a worthless individual. but anyone with a brain could tell that you are in fact the one with no life since you actually had the free time on your hands to sit around and think about and no less compose said e-mail denegrating my reputation, that plus the fact that i am so better looking than you means that i automatically win this argument.

So in conclusion, go kill yourself you short Irish punk



In response to this, Sean wrote:

Guess what...your comeback was lame, and my insult was the greatest ever, so logically I have bested you in this argument. I'm proud that I'm a short Irish punk. What are you gonna do about it? True, I do have a lot of spare no-life time on my hands, but you're just jealous I wrote an insult you could have never conceived...and that the little voices talk to me.

You know what else? Not only do you fail at life, you also suck at life.

Insults and comebacks aside, I think I'll now take your conclusion to heart. So long, and thanks for all the fish.