Witty Banter, The Words of Wisdom

What to call someone who is an athiest and/or befudled and misinformed in the ways of religion:
"a heretic of half-witted hearsay for hairbrained heathens and their hackneyed, hedonistic half-truths."


What to call someone who is stubbornly moronic:
"a portentious parasite of the petty pig pacesetters' pompousness."
or,
"a simpering sponge of swine swagger."


What to call someone who is evil:
"an ironical ignominy to the infernal inquity of impish ignorant intellect."


What to call someone who thinks he knows everything, or someone who refuses to learn anything:
"an uneducated, uncultured urchin of unsettling, unnatural unsightliness."


What to call someone who you don't know in the slightest:
"a nameless gnome of natural naively...ness."


What to call someone you just don't like:
"a bloody blackguard of barbarian birthright,"
or, if you want to get REALLY personal, tell him he looks like Kevin.